There is only one person who is able to lead fate - you yourself. It is foolish to sit in anticipation of the impossible, one must achieve success, act, be decisive, show fortitude. It happens that circumstances are against us, what to do? The answer is simple:

1. do not despair;
2. never give up;
3. set goals for yourself;
4. fight for your happiness no matter what.

Agree, every person at least once suffered from depression, stress, misunderstanding or betrayal, he wanted peace, a quick solution to the problem. Alas, we must perceive the realities as they are. Until there is determination, there is nowhere to take results.

You can get rid of any obstacle and it is necessary to do it with enthusiasm, understanding that obstacles change thinking, make us stronger, wiser, more demanding.

For every trouble in life, you should look for an individual approach, which depends on many factors: goals, values, priorities, etc.

Sometimes it seems that there is no way out, making the right decision is an impossible task. But life goes on, and it's much better to be an active participant in it than to just sit and suffer constantly, and then get angry at yourself because of missed opportunities. Difficulties make it possible to enjoy joys, victories, accept defeats, adapt to changes.

So how do you make the right decision and not regret anything? This is what will be discussed in the article.

The main thing is motivation

Change not for others, do not prove anything to anyone, just be conscious of the opportunity to motivate yourself correctly. Understand why it is needed, what are the ways to implement the plan, then even a difficult decision will be easier.

The most stubborn and responsible one who really wants to achieve results understands that he simply has no right to give up.

In fact, motive is an impetus to action. If arguments can be made, then this can no longer be attributed to spontaneity and thoughtlessness, which means that there is no risk of harm.

It is important to analyze your own thoughts, if in doubt - think carefully, take your time.

Let's set an example

If a girl is overweight and dreams of a perfect figure, then it is reasonable to take an example from athletes. You can seek advice from a nutritionist, and not starve yourself in a panic, ruin your health.

Motivation is great, but it needs to be real, helping you make difficult decisions, not creating more trouble.

trust your intuition

As a rule, it is better not to make an important decision in a hurry, you need to think, weigh all the pros and cons, but if you need to decide quickly, do as you originally intended.

Usually the subconscious tells us the correct option. What comes to mind first, often works with a bang.

The more we think, the more questions and doubts appear.

1. Never bring yourself to nervous exhaustion.
2. Don't suffer.
3. Learn not to delay solving a problem.
4. Act harmoniously, perceive what is happening without panic.

Before trusting your intuition, think about whether you or someone you know has been in such a situation before, is it possible to predict the outcome, is there enough experience and knowledge to independently determine the difficulties that have arisen?

Use Descartes' Square

There is a simple scheme proposed by Rene Descartes that will simplify the task of making the right decisions.

For example, we think about changing jobs, but we are afraid that we will screw up. Let's plunge into reality and determine how adequate thoughts visit our heads.

• It is correct not to dwell on one of the parties, but to analyze the act with its possible consequences.

It is best to work with the square in writing. Detailed written answers will push you to the right decision without a doubt.

• What does a Descartes square look like:

For all four questions, it is worth giving extensive statements that will help you stay in the same job or quit, break up or continue the relationship with the person. We need to find arguments in order to convince ourselves, to understand how strong values, goals, desires, priorities are.

There is always at least one person who is involved in our lives and is ready to help.

From the outside, a friend can consider the same situation, only calmer, reason more sensibly. It is easier for everyone when it concerns us indirectly.

If there is no such person, imagine that they came to you for help with such a problem, then you will be able to show calmness and a cold mind.

Decide on your priorities

When it comes to something serious, you should forget about the opinion of the masses, inheritance, collective intelligence.

1. You cannot be negligent, lack of independence, manage your life without the help of outsiders, show your ideas, and do not chase what is in trend.
2. Don't let people impose anything on you. Everyone is different by nature, each has its own purpose.

Based on the character, morality, values, hobbies, field of activity, priorities should be formed. We get what is close to us and makes us rejoice.

The morning is wiser than the evening

For some reason, the brightest thoughts visit at night. Naturally, no cherished insight will happen in the morning, but by delaying the moment a little, you can make a worthwhile decision. It will be rethought several times and with a logical conclusion.

Emotions aside

Always make the final decision yourself. Do not try to push the responsibility away, to protect yourself from the problem instead of trying to solve it. Do not rely on luck or happy coincidence. Take responsibility for everything that happens in life.

Remember: The life position of an outsider is a way of being "as long as no one touches."

Emotions are life, but you always have to take over and be able to manage them. In the heat of the moment, you can do such things that you will have to regret for a long time.

Or we don’t understand at all how we should act ... What should we do in such cases? How to behave so as not to regret what you have done? In fact, there are many ways to help you.

Method one. Reasoning.

It is suitable for people who think rationally, who are used to reasoning with.

Try to calculate the consequences of this or that act. It is best to write down all the pros and cons on a piece of paper so that it is clearer. Let's say you've been offered a new job, but you're hesitant to accept it or not. Take a sheet, divide it into two halves and on one write down all the advantages of the proposed position, for example, “big salary”, “growth prospects”, “social package”, on the second - negative factors - “work away from home”, “irregular schedule” , "little information about this company" and so on.

Look at both halves of the sheet and count how many pluses and minuses you got. Now highlight what is your priority. After all, suppose a salary and a career can fully compensate for some inconvenience. And it also happens that money and a career are not the main thing for you, but you want to return home early and spend weekends with your family. This method will simply help you visually put everything on the shelves, and it will be easier to finally make a decision.

Method two. Intuition.

Suitable for people with an intuitive type of thinking. Listen to what. If you were offered a job or, say, marriage, and the offer seems to be good, but for some reason you are not drawn to accepting it, maybe you shouldn’t? And, on the contrary, if your mind doubts, and your heart tells you to do just that, shouldn’t you follow his lead? If earlier your intuitive premonitions have already been justified, then it means that you can quite trust them.

Method three. Test fate.

This is for magically minded citizens. It's about different. Not even necessarily traditional ones, like cards or the I Ching. You can just think: "If the next candy I get from this bag is green, then I will go to this place, and if it is red, then I will refuse to go." The main thing is to get candy without looking.

You can "guess" with the help of hours. Connoisseurs say that if on the dial, when you take a look at it. there will be a "jackpot" - say, 11 hours 11 minutes, then you can be sure: the upcoming meeting or enterprise will be successful for you. If the first two digits are greater than the second two, say 21 hours zero three minutes, you should not be in a hurry to make a decision. If, on the contrary, for example, the clock shows 15:39, then time is running out for you: hurry up so as not to miss your chance.

Now on sale there are special balls for decision-making. You formulate a question, shake the ball and look in the window for the answer. Just remember that the ball does not predict the future, but only tells you what to expect and how best to act in a given situation.

Method four. Reading the signs of fate.

Suitable for those who are interested, if not in mysticism, then in psychology and. When thinking about a solution, pay attention to what is happening around you. Suppose you are going to go somewhere, but you are not sure whether to go or not. And then suddenly the phones start ringing and requests from acquaintances fall upon you, you lose the keys to the apartment and find that the sole of your shoes has come off ... Most likely, Providence tells you: you should not go to this meeting.

Or someone offers you cooperation, and his last name turns out to be the same as that of a person whom you knew many years ago and with whom you had some kind of unpleasant situation ... Is it by chance?

Or you are planning a tour, and suddenly, by a strange coincidence, you come across a post on the Web of a former client of the same travel company who recalls with horror how he used its services ...

They ask you for a large amount of debt, and then the headline of the note catches your eye: “Company N went bankrupt” ...

You've had pain in your lower back for three months now, but you still can't decide whether to go to the doctor. And then you catch a snippet of someone else's conversation in the subway: “I did an ultrasound yesterday, they said - a stone in the kidney ...”

You are considering whether to go on a date with the gentleman who invited you, and they sing on the radio: “Don’t go to meet him, don’t go. He has a granite stone in his chest." Why not a hint?

A “picture” can also carry a hint. For example, you are not sure whether you should associate fate with this particular person. And suddenly you see a couple of tender swans on the pond. Or, on the contrary, you meet a couple of desperately fighting cats on the street ... Draw the appropriate conclusions.

Of course, you should not literally take every little thing for. But if a word or event drew your attention to itself, stuck in your memory, or it clearly seemed to you that “it's all about you”, that it is connected precisely with your situation, then it makes sense to take it into account. Good luck with your decisions!

Many decisions in our lives have uncertain outcomes. What to buy: a bike or a gym membership? Once you buy a bike, you can ride whenever and wherever you want. By purchasing a subscription, you can exercise on simulators and swim in the pool. Everything seems to be clear, but why is it so difficult and sometimes even painful to make a decision?

The fact is that when we make a decision, for example, with two options, then on the one hand we gain something, on the other - we lose. Having bought a bicycle, we will not be able to go to the pool and to the simulators. And after purchasing a subscription, we lose the opportunity to ride a bike with friends in the evenings and get a lot of pleasure associated with it.

Therefore, even when we make the right, as it seems to us, decision, we experience pain. But in many cases the problem is contrived. For example, the flour of the morning choice - tea or coffee - is sucked from the finger. Both options are good. You can drink tea, forget about coffee and get maximum pleasure. For some, this is obvious, while the other will experience doubts and spend mental energy on a choice where it is not necessary to make it. So, why is it sometimes not important what decision to make? Because it does not affect the quality of life and is unlikely to negatively affect the future. If you drink tea this morning instead of coffee, it doesn't matter (let's leave the possible harm of coffee aside).

Therefore, the first thing to ask yourself is: is it really something important, or can you choose one option at random and not worry? Many successful business people who make dozens of decisions a day know this, so they try to relieve themselves of the burden of everyday worries. They wear the same clothes and eat the same breakfast in the morning. An ordinary person brings himself to stress already at the beginning of the day, because for him clothes and breakfast are of great importance. But actually it is not. Stop worrying about nonsense.

What really matters are the important decisions:

• Where to go to study?
• Which company do you want to work for?
• What product to start producing and what to refuse?
• Is it necessary to learn Chinese?
• What house to buy?
• What skills to develop?

The implications of these decisions are important. They allow you to lose or earn money, spoil or improve relationships with loved ones, lead to growth or degradation.

Find out which questions are important to you and which are not. And then read on.

Decision making process

1. Definition of a problem, challenge, or opportunity. Problem: which dentist to go to treat teeth. Opportunity: what will be more important in five years - knowledge of English or Chinese?
2. Create an array of possible options. You can find several dental clinics on the Internet, and then ask your friends.
3. Estimating the costs and benefits associated with each option. On the one hand, even treatment in an inexpensive clinic costs a pretty penny, on the other hand, you still need to be treated, because then you will be forced to pay ten times more.
4. Choice of solution.
5. Implementation of the chosen solution.
6. Evaluate the impact of the decision and change it if necessary.

You may not go through all six stages in every instance of your life, and not always in sequence. But even so, there should not be many difficulties in making decisions, because there is a step-by-step algorithm. Although life is usually not so simple. So what's the difficulty then?

Why is it so hard to make a decision sometimes?

Some of your decisions are so simple that you make them without thinking. But complex or ambiguous ones require more attention. These include:

• Uncertainty: many facts and variables may be unknown.
• Complexity: many interrelated factors.
• High Risk Consequences: the impact of the decision on your fate and the fate of other people can be significant.
• Alternatives: different alternatives may arise, each with its own set of advantages, uncertainties and consequences.
• Interpersonal problems: You need to predict how other people will react to your decision.

All this flashes through your head in a second, so you don’t even have time to understand why this viscous inner feeling appeared. One thing is clear: the more complex the decision, the more time you need to allocate for reflection.

How to learn to make decisions

Before moving on to solving specific problematic issues, it is necessary to develop a general mechanism for making informed decisions. It consists of three parts:

1. What you focus on. What you think about shapes you as a person and changes you. Many people focus every day on things they cannot control. You can make decisions based on what you have, what you can influence.
2. Make a decision not to focus on what doesn't work. Sounds weird, but that's what most people do. We are so accustomed to cast doubt on everything that we do not notice how instead of working solutions, we first of all sort out non-working ones.
3. Assess situations. Life is changing every day, you are changing, the people around you and situations in general. Some problems may not be problems at all.

But this is all theory. In real life, we think in specific categories and are often limited in our choice by many factors. Here are some practical requirements for the process of reflection that will allow you to consider any situation more carefully and soberly.

Make a decision quickly

Yes, in this case it may not be the best. However, even a bad decision is better than deliberation that drags on for days, months, or years. During this time, people psychologically put up with the fact that no decision will be made.

Successful, great people often make decisions quickly. They know that doubts and fears can ruin even the greatest undertakings. They change and adjust their plans as they go, learning along the way.

If you hate your job, why not make the decision right now to change it? Not to change, namely to make a decision. This means that you start looking for another job, improve your skills and prepare the ground. But you make the decision now, there is no need to delay.

Often we think along the following chain: information gathering - analysis - evaluation - information gathering - analysis - evaluation. And so on ad infinitum. Make a decision (you already know that you need to change the hated job) right now and only after that look for information that will help in the process of implementing your plan.

The more you wait, the more you will suffer. To be tormented by the fact that you perfectly understand the importance of making a decision, but do not accept it in any way.

Find a decision criterion

Should I take it? In many cases, everything is too obvious, in some - not. What are your criteria? For example:

• What is good for me.
• What is good for my loved ones.
• What will bring money.
• That will bring experience and knowledge.

Gather information after making a quick decision

Again: do not confuse and swap the first and third points. If you need to study, make a decision here and now, and only then start collecting information, looking for books, self-study books, enrolling in courses (all this can be done a minute later).

When the decision is made and the goal is set, collect all the necessary information, having previously put forward a condition for yourself: I will take the next important step in this direction after so much time. For example, you decided to study English in the morning, gave yourself four hours to find all the necessary information, and at six o'clock in the evening you decided to call several English schools and choose the best one for you in terms of class time, distance, etc.

Analyze past decisions

It is important to understand two things:

• Why have you made good decisions in the past?
• Why have you made bad decisions in the past?

What happened then? What principles did you follow? Perhaps when you make decisions quickly and intuitively, they turn out to be the best in your life. Then do the same in the future.

Create a spreadsheet

It's very simple, visual and effective: all your choices on one screen with their ratings, pluses and minuses. This allows you to dive into the details or look at the big picture - depending on the goal.

Tony Robbins Method

Potential flaws in decision making can be avoided when you have a system in place to help break down options and anticipate possible weaknesses. It's called OOC/EMR. This is the decision method from Tony Robbins. He applies four rules to the very process of its development.

Rule one: all important or difficult decisions should be made on paper.

Don't do it in your head. This is how you end up getting hung up on the same things without reaching any resolution. The revolving of thoughts creates pressure and leads to stress.

Think about the last time you took a very long time to make an important decision. Or rather, they did not want to accept it. Months and even years passed, but the matter did not move forward. If you took a pen and paper, the decision could be made in one hour.

Rule Two: Be absolutely clear about what you need, why you want it, and how you'll know you've achieved it.

You must clearly understand what you want, what is the goal. Even if it is absolutely clear what you want, you may forget the reasons why you want it. WHY is what will make you follow your decision. This is where it appears.

Get as specific as possible about what you want, why you need it, and how you'll know when you get what you need.

Rule Three: Decisions are based on probability.

Don't expect complete and absolute certainty. In most cases, you will never get it. So, you have to give it to yourself.

No one can clearly say what the consequences of the decision will be. Yes, you need to collect information and analyze it, but no one can give a 100% guarantee.

Rule Four: Decision making is refinement.

In most cases, there may be multiple results. Find out what solution will bring the most benefit in all areas of your life. Sometimes benefits appear where you could not even think.

So we got to the decision-making process. Robbins calls it the fancy acronym OOC/EMR. It consists of the following steps:

1. Results.
2. Choice options.
3. Effects.
4. Evaluation of options.
5. Damage reduction.
6. Solution.

Let's consider each step separately.

results

Tony Robbins starts by defining the results he wants to achieve. He asks the following questions:

• What will be the results?
• What exactly do I want to achieve?

This helps to create clarity about the results as well as to prioritize them. After all, there can be a lot of them, and they can carry completely different benefits.

Robbins: "Think first, then answer."

Choices

He writes down all options, even those that may seem strange. Why? Tony says that there is a principle here: “One option is not a choice. The two options are a dilemma. Three options - a choice.

It doesn't matter if you like any of these options, just write them down.

Effects

Robbins tries to figure out the consequences of each of the options he came up with, asking each of them the following questions:

• What are the advantages and disadvantages of each option?
• What will I get from each option?
• What will it cost me?

Options evaluation

For each option or choice, Tony Robbins asks the following questions:

• What results are affected? (this is what we discussed in the first paragraph)
• How critical are the disadvantages and how important are the advantages on a scale of 1 to 10?
• What is the probability, from 0 to 100%, that a negative or positive consequence will occur?
• What emotional benefit or consequence would result if I chose this option?

Robbins uses this step to eliminate certain options from the list.

Damage reduction

He then considers the consequences of the shortcomings of each of the remaining options. For everyone, Tony Robbins brainstorms alternative ways to eliminate or reduce damage.

You can lean towards one option, but still know that there are downsides to it. That's what this stage is for: think about how to reduce their impact.

Solution

Robbins selects the option that provides the most confidence in achieving the desired outcomes and needs based on the most likely outcomes.

He suggests the following steps in this phase:

1. Choose the best option.
2. Complete it to make sure it works.
3. Decide for yourself that regardless of whether the option works 100% or not, it will lead to victory (this way you can stop tormented by thoughts that choosing one option, we lose another).
4. Develop a plan for implementation.
5. Take action.

Books

You are unlikely to learn how to make decisions by learning a couple of methods. This is a process that takes years. The following books will help speed it up.

• "Problem Solving by Secret Service Methods" by Morgan Jones.
• "Refraction. The Science of Seeing Differently" Bo Lotto.
• "Guide to Lies. Critical Thinking in the Post-Truth Age by Daniel Levitin.
• “How not to make mistakes. The Power of Mathematical Thinking Jordan Ellenberg.
• Why are we wrong. Thinking Traps in Action by Joseph Hallinan.
• “Traps of thinking. How to Make Decisions You Won't Regret by Chip Heath and Dan Heath.
• "Territory of delusions. What Mistakes Smart People Make by Rolf Dobelli.
• “Proactive thinking. How simple questions can dramatically change your work and life. John Miller.
• "Mental traps at work" Mark Goulston.

This article sheds light on only part of such a complex process as decision making. You can learn more about it in our free course "".

We make decisions all the time. Sometimes more than a hundred of them can accumulate in a day, and all of them will have certain consequences. This means only one thing: the quality of decisions determines the quality of our lives. When you achieve mastery in this matter, you will achieve success in many areas. We wish you good luck!