Stories. Michael Bulgakov

Everyone has their own style of culture.

Russian proverb

CLUB JE-DE

Stop, passerby!! Hurry to see!-

Only once and then go to Paris!

With the permission of the authorities.

Famous cowboy and fakir

JOHN PIERCE

with its world attractions, such as:

perform a dance with a boiling samovar on his head,

a barefoot man will walk over broken glass and lie face down in it.

In addition, at the request of the respected public

a living person and other ventriloquism sessions will be eaten.

Finally, it will show

clairvoyant talking dog

or a miracleXX century

Respectfully, John Pierce- white mage.

Club Chairman

___________

___________

___________

___________

___________

Moscow redstone. Stories, feuilletons of the 20s - 14

"T. 3: Diaboliad: novels, short stories and feuilletons of the 20s”: ABC-classics; St. Petersburg; 2002
ISBN 5-352-00139-3; 5-352-00142-2 (vol. 3)
Mikhail Afanasyevich Bulgakov
TALKING DOG
Everyone has their own style of culture.
Russian proverb
It always happens with trains: it rides, rides, and drives into such a wilderness, where there is nothing but forests and cultural workers.
One of these trains jumped onto a certain station. Murmansk Railway and spat out a certain person. The man stayed at the station exactly as long as the train - 3 minutes, and departed, but the consequences of his visit were incalculable. The man managed to rush around the station and scribble two posters: one on the red wall near the bell, and the other on the door of a sour building with a sign;

CLUB JE-DE
The posters caused a Babylonian pandemonium at the station. People climbed even on the shoulders of each other.

Stop, passerby!! Hurry to see! -
Only once and then go to Paris!
With the permission of the authorities.
Famous cowboy and fakir
JOHN PIERCE
with its world attractions, such as:
perform a dance with a boiling samovar on his head,
a barefoot man will walk over broken glass and lie face down in it.
In addition, at the request of the respected public
a living person and other ventriloquism sessions will be eaten.
Finally, it will show
clairvoyant talking dog
or a miracle of the 20th century
With respect, John Pierce - white magician.
Right:

Club Chairman

___________
Three days later, the club, which usually accommodated 8 people, accommodated 400 of them, of which 350 were not members of the club.
Even the surrounding peasants arrived, and their wedge-shaped beards looked from the gallery. The club buzzed, laughed, the rumble flew in it from top to bottom. Like a bird, the rumor fluttered that the living chairman of the local committee would be eaten.
The telegrapher Vasya sat down at the piano, and to the sounds of "Longing for the Homeland" a cowboy and magician John Pierce appeared before the public.
John Pierce was a puny man in a flesh-colored sequined tights. He took the stage and blew a kiss to the audience. The audience answered him with applause and cries:
- Time!
John Pierce recoiled, smiled, and immediately the ruddy sister-in-law of the chairman of the board of the club brought a boiling pot-bellied samovar onto the stage. The chairman in the front row turned purple with pride.
- Your samovar, Fedosey Petrovich? whispered the admiring audience.
- Mine, - answered Fedosey.
John Pierce took the samovar by the handles, put it on a tray, and then put the whole structure on his head.
- Maestro, I'll ask the matchish, - he said in a choked voice.
Maestro Vasya pressed the pedal, and the matchish jumped over the keys of the broken piano.
John Pierce, throwing up his thin legs, danced around the stage. His face flushed with tension. The samovar rumbled on the tray with its legs and spat.
- Bis! thundered the admiring club.
Pierce then performed further miracles. Having taken off his shoes, he walked on the broken station glass and lay face down on it. Then there was an intermission.

___________
- Eat a living person! the theater howled.
Pierce put his hand to his heart and invited:
- If you wish, please.
The theater is frozen.
“Petya, come out,” suggested a voice in a side box.
- What a smart one, - they answered from there, - go out yourself.
- So there are no applicants? Pierce asked, smiling a bloodthirsty smile.
- Money back! - boomed someone's voice from the gallery.
“For lack of anyone willing to be eaten, the number is cancelled,” Pierce announced.
- Give me a dog! - thundered in the stalls.

___________
The clairvoyant dog turned out to be the most nondescript mongrel dog in appearance. John Pierce stopped in front of her and said again:
- Wishing to talk to a dog I ask to a stage.
The club chairman, breathing heavily from his drunk beer, climbed onto the stage and stood next to the dog.
- Please ask questions.
The chairman thought for a moment, turned pale, and asked in deathly silence:
What time is it, doggy?
"A quarter to nine," replied the dog, sticking out his tongue.
“The power of the cross is with us,” someone in the gallery howled.
The peasants, crossing themselves and crushing each other, instantly cleared the gallery and left for home.
“Listen,” the chairman said to John Pierce, “what, dear man, tell me, how much does a dog cost?
- This dog is not for sale, pardon me, comrade, - Pierce answered, - this is a learned, clairvoyant dog.
- Do you want two gold pieces? - said, inflamed, the chairman.
John Pierce refused.
- Three, - said the chairman and reached into his pocket.
John Pierce hesitated.
- Doggy, do you want to come to my service? the chairman asked.
- We wish, - the dog answered and coughed.
- Five! shouted the chairman.
John Pierce gasped and said:
- Well, take it.

___________
John Pierce, drunk on beer, was taken away by another train. He also took away five chairman's chervonets.
The next evening the club again accommodated three hundred people.
The dog stood on the stage and smiled a thoughtful smile.
The chairman stood before him and asked:
- Well, how did you like it at Murmansk railway. road, dear Milord?
But Milord remained completely silent.
The chairman turned pale.
- What's the matter with you, - he asked, - are you numb, or what?
But the dog did not want to answer this either.
"He doesn't talk to fools," said a malevolent voice in the gallery. And everyone roared.

___________
Exactly a week later, the train shook a man into the station. This man did not put up any posters, but holding his briefcase under his arm, he went straight to the club and asked the chairman of the board.
- Is that a talking dog? the portfolio owner asked the chairman of the club.
- With us, - the chairman answered, turning purple, - only she turned out to be a fake dog. Does not say anything. We had this crook. He spoke for her with his stomach. Lost my money...
- Well, sir, - said the briefcase thoughtfully, - and I brought you a piece of paper here, comrade, that you are resigning from the heads of the club.
- For what?! gasped the stunned chairman.
- But for the fact that instead of doing cultural work, you arrange a farce in the club.
The chairman bowed his head and took the paper.
M. All-Wright.

Mikhail Afanasyevich Bulgakov

TALKING DOG

Everyone has their own style of culture.

Russian proverb

It always happens with trains: it rides, rides, and drives into such a wilderness, where there is nothing but forests and cultural workers.

One of these trains jumped onto a certain station. Murmansk Railway and spat out a certain person. The man stayed at the station exactly as long as the train - 3 minutes, and departed, but the consequences of his visit were incalculable. The man managed to rush around the station and scribble two posters: one on the red wall near the bell, and the other on the door of a sour building with a sign;

The posters caused a Babylonian pandemonium at the station. People climbed even on the shoulders of each other.

Three days later, the club, which usually accommodated 8 people, accommodated 400 of them, of which 350 were not members of the club.

Even the surrounding peasants arrived, and their wedge-shaped beards looked from the gallery. The club buzzed, laughed, the rumble flew in it from top to bottom. Like a bird, the rumor fluttered that the living chairman of the local committee would be eaten.

The telegrapher Vasya sat down at the piano, and to the sounds of "Longing for the Homeland" a cowboy and magician John Pierce appeared before the public.

John Pierce was a puny man in a flesh-colored sequined tights. He took the stage and blew a kiss to the audience. The audience answered him with applause and cries:

Time!

John Pierce recoiled, smiled, and immediately the ruddy sister-in-law of the chairman of the board of the club brought a boiling pot-bellied samovar onto the stage. The chairman in the front row turned purple with pride.

Your samovar, Fedosey Petrovich? whispered the admiring audience.

Mine, - answered Fedosey.

John Pierce took the samovar by the handles, put it on a tray, and then put the whole structure on his head.

Maestro, I'll ask the matchish, - he said in a choked voice.

Maestro Vasya pressed the pedal, and the matchish jumped over the keys of the broken piano.

John Pierce, throwing up his thin legs, danced around the stage. His face flushed with tension. The samovar rumbled on the tray with its legs and spat.

Bis! thundered the admiring club.

Pierce then performed further miracles. Having taken off his shoes, he walked on the broken station glass and lay face down on it. Then there was an intermission.

Eat a living person! the theater howled.

Pierce put his hand to his heart and invited:

I ask the willing.

The theater is frozen.

What a smart one, - they answered from there, - go out yourself.

So no one wants? Pierce asked, smiling a bloodthirsty smile.

In the absence of someone who wants to be eaten, the number is canceled, Pierce announced.

Give me a dog! - thundered in the stalls.

The clairvoyant dog turned out to be the most nondescript mongrel dog in appearance. John Pierce stopped in front of her and said again:

Those who wish to talk with the dog are asked to the stage.

The club chairman, breathing heavily from his drunk beer, climbed onto the stage and stood next to the dog.

Please ask questions.

The chairman thought for a moment, turned pale, and asked in deathly silence:

What time is it, doggy?

It's a quarter to nine," the dog replied, sticking out his tongue.

The power of the cross is with us, - someone howled in the gallery.

The peasants, crossing themselves and crushing each other, instantly cleared the gallery and left for home.

Listen, - said the chairman to John Pierce, - that's what, dear man, tell me, how much does a dog cost?

This dog is not for sale, pardon me, comrade, - answered Pierce, - this is a learned, clairvoyant dog.

Do you want two chervonets? - said, inflamed, the chairman.

John Pierce refused.

Three, - said the chairman and reached into his pocket.

John Pierce hesitated.

Doggy, would you like to serve me? the chairman asked.

We wish, - the dog answered and coughed.

Five! shouted the chairman.

John Pierce gasped and said:

Well, take it.

John Pierce, drunk on beer, was taken away by another train. He also took away five chairman's chervonets.

The next evening the club again accommodated three hundred people.

The dog stood on the stage and smiled a thoughtful smile.

The chairman stood before him and asked:

Well, how did you like it with us on Murmansk railway. road, dear Milord?

But Milord remained completely silent.

The chairman turned pale.

What's the matter with you, - he asked, - are you numb, or what?

But the dog did not want to answer this either.

He doesn't talk to fools,' said a malevolent voice in the gallery. And everyone roared.

Exactly a week later, the train shook a man into the station. This man did not put up any posters, but holding his briefcase under his arm, he went straight to the club and asked the chairman of the board.

Is that a talking dog here? the portfolio owner asked the chairman of the club.

With us, - answered the chairman, turning purple, - only she turned out to be a fake dog. Does not say anything. We had this crook. He spoke for her with his stomach. Lost my money...

So, sir, - the briefcase said thoughtfully, - and I brought you a piece of paper here, comrade, that you are resigning from the heads of the club.

For what?! gasped the stunned chairman.

But for the fact that instead of doing cultural work, you arrange a farce in the club.

The chairman bowed his head and took the paper.

"Talking Dog"

Everyone has their own style of culture.
Russian proverb

It always happens with trains: it rides, rides - and will drop into such a wilderness, where there is nothing but forests and cultural workers.

One of these trains jumped onto a certain station. Murmansk Railway and spat out a certain person. The man stayed at the station for exactly the same time as the train - 3 minutes, and departed, but the consequences of his visit were incalculable. The man managed to rush around the station and scribble two posters: one on the red wall near the bell, and the other on the door of a sour building with a sign:

CLUB JE-DE

The posters caused a Babylonian pandemonium at the station. People climbed even on the shoulders of each other.

Stop, passerby!! Hurry to see!
Only once and then go to Paris!
With the permission of the authorities.
Famous cowboy and fakir

JOHN PIERCE

with his world attractions, such as: he will perform a dance with a boiling samovar on his head, he will walk barefoot on broken glass and lie face down in it. IN ADDITION, AT THE DESIRE OF THE DEAR PUBLIC, A LIVING PERSON WILL BE EATEN AND OTHER SESSIONS OF VENTRILISTIC SESSIONS IN CONCLUSION WILL BE SHOWN A clairvoyant speaker

DOG OR MIRACLE OF THE XX CENTURY

Respectfully, John Pierce - white magician.

Chairman of the board of the club.

Three days later, the club, which usually accommodated 8 people, accommodated 400 of them, of which 350 were not members of the club.

Even the surrounding peasants arrived, and their wedge-shaped beards looked from the gallery. The club buzzed, laughed, the rumble flew in it from top to bottom. Like a bird fluttered the rumor that the living chairman of the local committee would be eaten.

The telegrapher Vasya sat down at the piano, and to the sounds of "Longing for the Homeland" a cowboy and magician John Pierce appeared before the public.

John Pierce was a puny man in a flesh-colored sequined tights. He took the stage and blew a kiss to the audience. The audience answered him with applause and cries:

Time!

John Pierce recoiled, smiled, and immediately the ruddy sister-in-law of the chairman of the board of the club brought a boiling pot-bellied samovar onto the stage. The chairman in the front row turned purple with pride.

Your samovar, Fedosey Petrovich? whispered the admiring audience.

Mine, - answered Fedosey.

John Pierce took the samovar by the handles, put it on a tray, and then put the whole structure on his head.

Maestro, I'll ask the matchish, - he said in a choked voice.

Maestro Vasya pressed the pedal, and the matchish jumped over the keys of the broken piano.

John Pierce, throwing up his thin legs, danced around the stage. His face flushed with tension. The samovar rumbled on the tray with its legs and spat.

Bis! thundered the admiring club.

Pierce then performed further miracles. Having taken off his shoes, he walked on the broken station glass and lay face down on it. Then there was an intermission.

Eat a living person! the theater howled. Pierce put his hand to his heart and invited:

I ask the willing.

The theater is frozen.

What a smart one, - they answered from there, - go out yourself.

So no one wants? Pierce asked, smiling a bloodthirsty smile.

In the absence of someone who wants to be eaten, the number is canceled, Pierce announced.

Give me a dog! - thundered in the stalls.

The clairvoyant dog turned out to be the most nondescript mongrel dog in appearance. John Pierce stopped in front of her and said again:

Those who wish to talk with the dog are asked to the stage.

The club chairman, breathing heavily from his drunk beer, climbed onto the stage and stood next to the dog.

Please ask questions.

The chairman thought for a moment, turned pale, and asked in deathly silence:

What time is it, doggy?

It's a quarter to nine," the dog replied, sticking out his tongue.

The power of the cross is with us, - someone howled in the gallery.

The men, crossing themselves and crushing each other, instantly cleared the gallery and left for home.

Listen, - said the chairman to John Pierce, - that's what, dear man, tell me, how much does a dog cost?

This dog is not for sale, pardon me, comrade, - answered Pierce, - this dog is a scientist, clairvoyant.

Do you want two chervonets? - said, inflamed, the chairman.

John Pierce refused.

Three, - said the chairman and reached into his pocket. John Pierce hesitated.

Doggy, would you like to serve me? the chairman asked.

We wish, - the dog answered and coughed.

Five! shouted the chairman. John Pierce gasped and said:

Well, take it.

John Pierce, drunk on beer, was taken away by another train. He also took away five chairman's chervonets.

The next evening the club again accommodated three hundred people.

The dog stood on the stage and smiled a thoughtful smile. The chairman stood before him and asked:

Well, how did you like it with us on Murmansk railway. road, dear Milord?

But Milord remained completely silent. The chairman turned pale.

What's the matter with you, - he asked, - are you numb, or what?

But the dog did not want to answer this either.

He doesn't talk to fools," said a malevolent voice in the gallery. And everyone roared.

Exactly a week later, the train shook a man into the station. This man did not put up any posters, but, clutching his briefcase under his arm, went straight to the club and asked the chairman of the board.

Is that a talking dog here? the portfolio owner asked the chairman of the club.

With us, - answered the chairman, turning purple, - only she turned out to be a fake dog. Does not say anything. We had this crook. He spoke for her with his stomach. Lost my money...

So, sir, - the briefcase said thoughtfully, - and I brought you a piece of paper here, comrade, that you are resigning from the heads of the club.

For what?! gasped the stunned chairman.

But for the fact that instead of doing cultural work, you arrange a farce in the club. The chairman bowed his head and took the paper.

Mikhail Bulgakov - Talking Dog, read text

See also Mikhail Bulgakov - Prose (stories, poems, novels ...):

Goremyka Vsevolod
The story of one disgrace I VSEVOLOD'S BIOGRAPHY Vsevolod's stepfather is a handsome...

Loud Paradise
On April 20, at night, a female worker M., a cleaner of the carriages of the depot Moscow-...

Everyone has their own style of culture.

Russian proverb

It always happens with trains: it rides, rides, and drives into such a wilderness, where there is nothing but forests and cultural workers.

One of these trains jumped onto a certain station. Murmansk Railway and spat out a certain person. The man stayed at the station exactly as long as the train - 3 minutes, and departed, but the consequences of his visit were incalculable. The man managed to rush around the station and scribble two posters: one on the red wall near the bell, and the other on the door of a sour building with a sign;

CLUB JE-DE

The posters caused a Babylonian pandemonium at the station. People climbed even on the shoulders of each other.

Stop, passerby!! Hurry to see!-

Only once and then go to Paris!

With the permission of the authorities.

Famous cowboy and fakir

JOHN PIERCE

with its world attractions, such as:

perform a dance with a boiling samovar on his head,

a barefoot man will walk over broken glass and lie face down in it.

In addition, at the request of the respected public

a living person and other ventriloquism sessions will be eaten.

Finally, it will show

clairvoyant talking dog

or a miracle of the 20th century

Respectfully, John Pierce- white mage.

Club Chairman

___________

Three days later, the club, which usually accommodated 8 people, accommodated 400 of them, of which 350 were not members of the club.

Even the surrounding peasants arrived, and their wedge-shaped beards looked from the gallery. The club buzzed, laughed, the rumble flew in it from top to bottom. Like a bird, the rumor fluttered that the living chairman of the local committee would be eaten.

The telegrapher Vasya sat down at the piano, and to the sounds of "Longing for the Homeland" a cowboy and magician John Pierce appeared before the public.

John Pierce was a puny man in a flesh-colored sequined tights. He took the stage and blew a kiss to the audience. The audience answered him with applause and cries:

Time!

John Pierce recoiled, smiled, and immediately the ruddy sister-in-law of the chairman of the board of the club brought a boiling pot-bellied samovar onto the stage. The chairman in the front row turned purple with pride.

Your samovar, Fedosey Petrovich? whispered the admiring audience.

Mine, - answered Fedosey.

John Pierce took the samovar by the handles, put it on a tray, and then put the whole structure on his head.

Maestro, I'll ask the matchish, - he said in a choked voice.

Maestro Vasya pressed the pedal, and the matchish jumped over the keys of the broken piano.

John Pierce, throwing up his thin legs, danced around the stage. His face flushed with tension. The samovar rumbled on the tray with its legs and spat.

Bis! thundered the admiring club.

Pierce then performed further miracles. Having taken off his shoes, he walked on the broken station glass and lay face down on it. Then there was an intermission.

___________

Eat a living person! - howled the theater - Eat a living person! the theater howled. - This feuilleton can be considered to some extent an early version of the "Session of White Magic" in the novel about the devil..

Pierce put his hand to his heart and invited:

I ask the willing.

The theater is frozen.

What a smart one, - they answered from there, - go out yourself.

So no one wants? Pierce asked, smiling a bloodthirsty smile.

In the absence of someone who wants to be eaten, the number is canceled, Pierce announced.

Give me a dog! - thundered in the stalls.

___________

The clairvoyant dog turned out to be the most nondescript mongrel dog in appearance. John Pierce stopped in front of her and said again:

Those who wish to talk with the dog are asked to the stage.

The club chairman, breathing heavily from his drunk beer, climbed onto the stage and stood next to the dog.

Please ask questions.

The chairman thought for a moment, turned pale, and asked in deathly silence:

What time is it, doggy?

It's a quarter to nine," the dog replied, sticking out his tongue.

The power of the cross is with us, - someone howled in the gallery.

The peasants, crossing themselves and crushing each other, instantly cleared the gallery and left for home.

Listen, - said the chairman to John Pierce, - that's what, dear man, tell me, how much does a dog cost?

This dog is not for sale, pardon me, comrade, - answered Pierce, - this is a learned, clairvoyant dog.

Do you want two chervonets? - said, inflamed, the chairman.

John Pierce refused.

Three, - said the chairman and reached into his pocket.

John Pierce hesitated.

Doggy, would you like to serve me? the chairman asked.

We wish, - the dog answered and coughed.

Five! shouted the chairman.

John Pierce gasped and said:

Well, take it.

___________

John Pierce, drunk on beer, was taken away by another train. He also took away five chairman's chervonets.

The next evening the club again accommodated three hundred people.

The dog stood on the stage and smiled a thoughtful smile.

The chairman stood before him and asked:

Well, how did you like it with us on Murmansk railway. road, dear Milord?

But Milord remained completely silent.

The chairman turned pale.

What's the matter with you, - he asked, - are you numb, or what?

But the dog did not want to answer this either.

He doesn't talk to fools,' said a malevolent voice in the gallery. And everyone roared.

___________

Exactly a week later, the train shook a man into the station. This man did not put up any posters, but holding his briefcase under his arm, he went straight to the club and asked the chairman of the board.

Is that a talking dog here? the portfolio owner asked the chairman of the club.

With us, - answered the chairman, turning purple, - only she turned out to be a fake dog. Does not say anything. We had this crook. He spoke for her with his stomach. Lost my money...

So, sir, - the briefcase said thoughtfully, - and I brought you a piece of paper here, comrade, that you are resigning from the heads of the club.

For what?! gasped the stunned chairman.

But for the fact that instead of doing cultural work, you arrange a farce in the club.

The chairman bowed his head and took the paper.

M. All-Wright.