What is love in terms of psychology. Love from the point of view of psychology What is love for a woman definition

Practicing psychologist, advisory member of the All-Russian Professional Psychotherapeutic League Elena Fomina said that in psychology there is no (and is unlikely to be) a single definition of love. But at the same time, psychologists still revealed the basis of love relationships between a man and a woman and the primary source of problems in them - this is self-interest and setting conditions. And what to do?

“Often problems arise because everyone interprets the word “love” in their own way”

- What is, from the point of view of psychology, love?

In psychology, there is no single, generally accepted definition of love. I don't think it will show up. While there are a huge number of its definitions and none can be refuted. And all this because love is a very broad, all-encompassing concept. Here is love for the Motherland, for a child, for mom and dad, love for animals, love for a man and love for sweets. There are many varieties of love. If we take love between a man and a woman, then here it is impossible to say specifically what love is and what is not love.

Therefore, in psychology, "love" is a subjective concept, interpreted depending on what everyone understands by it.

Often in couples, problems arise precisely because each of the partners interprets the word "love" in their own way. For one, to love means to give gifts, for another - to sympathize and empathize. And here mutual accusations may arise: “Yes, you don’t love me at all!”. One wants to say by this that you do not give me gifts at all, and the other that you do not delve into the essence of my experiences.

The way out of this situation is to clarify what lies behind the word "love" for each of the partners and, accordingly, adjust their behavior.

One should begin to give gifts, the other should listen to the words of a partner when he talks about his experiences.

Greed as a distinctive feature of love between a man and a woman

How is the love of a man for a woman fundamentally different from the love of a mother for a child and other types of affection? The fact that the sexual component is mixed in?

Not always the sexual component is the difference between different types of love. For example, a man and a woman can have love without sex.

The love of a parent for a child is unconditional, that is, there are no conditions and requirements: I love you by default, because you are my child. And children are not chosen. You are given to me, just the way you are, and I love you.

The partner we will love, we choose. And, as a rule, it corresponds to some parameters that you set: appearance, character, sense of humor, position in society, and so on. That is a list of conditions why we love.

In fact, this love can be called selfish. Otherwise, we might love the first person we meet.

It also happens that a person fell in love with someone who does not meet the parameters. For example, a woman fell in love with a man, a poor artist, not handsome, drinks, and society condemns her choice. And she suffers from her unhappy love! Why could this happen? Because initially, the conditions that she put forward were not hers at all, but the conditions that are supported by society, and for her it is actually important that a man be creative, light, mysterious, romantic. The way out of this situation will be the acceptance of one's true values ​​and "requirements" for a partner, and a reassessment of the importance of society's opinion.

"Fictitious" love and emptiness

Do psychologists work only with "deviations" and problems in the field of love? Do you often encounter real and far-fetched problems in your practice? Is there any working scheme by which you determine the degree of the problem or its absence?

Any psychological problem is subjective. And it is real for a person as long as he feels internal tension and emotional discomfort. This problem will exist regardless of the assessment of its severity by the surrounding people.

Not a single psychologist will ever tell a person that your problem is complete nonsense, he found something to be upset about! This approach is more often used in everyday communication, when a friend is trying to calm a friend, for example.

If a person comes to a psychologist and says that he has a problem, then he really has a problem, and the psychologist will never assess the degree of its seriousness and far-fetchedness. The task of the psychologist is to help the client find out what is the true cause of internal tension and harmonize the internal state.

- And how often does a person fill himself with “love” from his inner emptiness?

Yes, psychologists deal with this quite often.

If relationships between people arise against the background of inner emptiness, then such relationships can be called addiction. From a person who filled his inner emptiness with “love”, you can hear such words: “I can’t live without you”, “If you leave, then I will die” and so on.

It turns out that the well-being, health, and life of one person are completely dependent on another.

Not everyone can bear such responsibility. In such a relationship there is no freedom, no choice. And therefore, often, “dependent” people do not have a personal life, and they are lonely.

In order to correct the situation, a person should learn to take responsibility for himself, experience the fullness of life without the participation of a partner, and take an “adult” position.

What, for example, does the person himself perceive as a problem? Love for a married man or a married lady? Unrequited love or love for womanizer?

It all depends on each individual! For one woman, a relationship with a married man will be a problem, but not for another. Moreover, in the same situation, for example, with the same married man, different women can find different problems: for one, the problem of remorse, accompanied by a sense of guilt, will be relevant, for the second, a feeling of jealousy for his wife and children. Therefore, the task of a psychologist is first of all to find out what exactly a person considers a problem, and what he would like to receive after working with a psychologist.

“Sometimes the solution lies on the surface”

Do you have any technique that you turn to when such "problems" arise? Suppose a young girl came to you and fell in love with a man who is 20 years older than her and who does not earn any money at all? What happens first: looking for the source - the root of all contradictions?

In the arsenal of a professional psychologist there are many different techniques. But there are, of course, those that are used more often, those techniques that, according to the psychologist, are the most effective.

One of the effective techniques that is used most often among psychologists is the technique of active listening. This technique is aimed at creating a trusting, safe space so that a person can open up as much as possible and talk about his situation, about his problem.

Communication with a psychologist is different from ordinary, everyday communication. The task of the psychologist is to build a dialogue in such a way that a person is first of all turned to himself, to his feelings, experiences. With this approach, in the process of conversation, a person has new thoughts, ideas, insights happen.

Also, this technique will be appropriate in the case of a girl who fell in love with a man 20 years older and who does not earn any money at all. She will help to find out what exactly the girl here highlights as a problem? Age? Financial position? Or both? It is possible that already at the beginning of the dialogue the girl will find the answer to her question.

It is not always necessary to look for the primary source, sometimes the solution lies on the surface, it is enough just to talk with a psychologist.

“Feelings are an element, they are not subject to any forecast”

And how do you work with women who suffer from male infidelity (please describe a step-by-step technique, if any)? And is it possible to solve the problem, I work only "on one side"?

Communication with a client is always a living process, individual, sometimes unpredictable. This communication is not at the level of logic, when you can say “Do it once, do it twice and you will succeed”, this is communication at the level of emotions and feelings. And here no instructions work. Creativity is also present in each consultation because there are no identical problems, there are similar situations, but the problems are always different, because people are also all different. Therefore, there is no one hundred percent effective technique for everyone. Of course, there are techniques themselves, but which and when to apply is determined individually.

Speaking of change. Usually a woman in case of infidelity feels deceived, betrayed, humiliated.

Why is this happening? To summarize, cheating is most often interpreted as a violation of the "contract" of eternal love between partners. If we evaluate this “agreement” from the point of view of logic, then such an agreement is not valid, because how can one promise or predict something at the level of feelings. Feelings are an element, they are not subject to any forecast.

The work of the psychologist will be primarily aimed at making the woman reconsider her role in this situation, change the position of the “victim” to the “adult”.

And then, based on the position of an "adult", she decided the situation, depending on what the woman wants.

"Learn to be happy without any conditions"

Why do all people think so much about love? And if it is not there, do they consider themselves unhappy? Isn't life itself beautiful without that feeling?

Everyone can become a happy person right now. This minute. It is very easy to do this. A person can become happy if he refuses conditions. From the conditions that he puts forward to the world and thereby distances himself from the cherished and elusive happiness.

These conditions usually sound like this: “to be happy, I need a car!”, “to be happy, I need a new apartment”, “to be happy, I need love”, and so on.

I believe that one of the main tasks of a person is to learn to be happy without any conditions. This is not an easy task. But those who learn this receive love, wealth and much more as a reward from life. Until a person loves life, himself in his life, then hardly anyone will truly love him.

People who lack love often come to me for a consultation. In this case, first of all, my work is aimed at helping a person learn to love himself: himself, those around him, and his life.

Why does love arise?... This is an exciting feeling that makes you forget about everything... This inexplicable attraction... Is it inexplicable? Scientists claim that they have sorted out the mechanism of love and found a physiological and psychological explanation for it.

Why does a woman love?

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Love in terms of physiology

Love comes like an avalanche, covers with a head and practically disconnects from the outside world. And at this time, hundreds of chemical reactions occur in the human body. It has been proven that a person produces special odorous substances - pheromones, which are present in sweat, saliva, and tears. All that trembling knees, shaking hands, beating heart and unbridled happiness is a reaction to these substances. In the body, the level of hormones endorphins responsible for a good mood, dopamine, which causes passion, and oxytocin, which programs loyalty to a partner, rises sharply. This is how the “inexplicable feeling” is decomposed into its constituent parts.

Taking antidepressants can make you fall in love. These drugs suppress the release of natural endorphins and relieve long dreams of a loved one.

Why does a woman fall in love

According to psychology, the most common cause of a new feeling is boredom. The body of a woman is designed in such a way that she constantly needs new sensations. Having met a suitable man, she experiences the same hormonal surge, interest and excitement are added to this. A woman experiences emotions and forgets about boredom for a while. When relationships improve, a measured life sets in, a man is comfortable and calm, and a woman ... A woman is again drawn to emotions, and the only way to keep her is through common interests or regular emotional discharges.

Another psychological need is a sense of security. Subconsciously, a woman is looking for that person with whom she could build a family nest and have children. And if she meets a courageous, strong and self-confident, at least outwardly, man, a feeling arises in her. If the applicant turns out to be suitable, love will only grow stronger.

A slightly unusual psychological reason is a pronounced maternal instinct. Such women strive to take care of someone, feed them a delicious meal and dress warmly. Often they take their gentlemen right from under their mother's wing. Women of this type usually choose soft, weak-willed men who replace their children. True, the situation may worsen a little when real children appear, because they will require much more attention than an overgrown husband.

: psychologists, philosophers, biologists, chemists and even psychiatrists, but so far no one can give her an exact definition. What is love from a scientific point of view, many researchers are trying to understand, but the results almost always turn out to be ambiguous, causing lengthy disputes and discussions.

Biochemistry of feelings

The scientific definition of love, as a chemical reaction of the body, was discovered by biochemists, indicating a rather complex formula. From a chemical point of view, love is a special reaction, the exact formula of which is clear only to specialists. They argue that the feeling arises due to the release of the substance dopamine - the hormone of joy. However, this interpretation raises many questions because:

• a chemical reaction does not distinguish between such feelings as lust, falling in love, passion - the same substances are excreted by the body, but the depth of sensations is different;
• the formula is the same for creativity and love (many images are inspired by unrequited feelings);
• some researchers believe that feelings are an irrational concept and cannot be entered into chemical and mathematical formulas.

Therefore, love, as a feeling, cannot be explained from a chemical point of view, since by combining the elements of matter it is difficult to show all the nuances of emotions and distinguish love from other experiences similar to it. The philosophical definition of this feeling is also considered quite confusing for understanding love. Many researchers believe that love is an immensity in the world of measures. However, this definition also raises many questions for those who are not familiar with philosophy.

More precisely and more modernly, one of the prominent psychotherapists of our time, M. E. Litvak, gives the formulation of love:

“Love is an active interest in the life and development of the object of love.”

This concept corresponds to recognized scientific standards, as well as the provisions of practical psychology. That is why this formulation is considered one of the most modern.

What is love from a scientific point of view in psychology

The definition given by Litvak makes it possible to distinguish this wonderful romantic feeling from such definitions as falling in love, sympathy and thirst for love, longing and tenderness. Here is the exact interpretation of the concept described by M. E. Litvak in his books.

Interest can be passive or active. Passive - these are dreams, dreams. It is characteristic of sympathy, a thirst for love and falling in love, although some people in this state become active and seek the object of their sympathy. However, falling in love, unlike love, means an urgent need to be together, physical attraction and tenderness. It is selfish (desire to be loved), not sacrificial, unlike love. There is no genuine care, sacrifice, desire to correctly assess their capabilities and contribute to the development of their object of love in it.

Litvak shares love not only as concern for the well-being and development of others, but also for his own. Self-love becomes the base in such a situation. It is expressed in the formula: active interest in one's own life and development. This means that a person takes steps to become better, grows, works on himself, creates conditions for himself for a happy life. With this approach, he sees and feels the desires of a loved one, creating conditions for their implementation. And he can even give up his own desire to be with his beloved if he sees that a loved one will feel bad with him. That is why true love is completely uncharacteristic of jealousy, aggression, the desire to suppress and subordinate someone to one's desires.

Litvak writes about what beautiful love is from a scientific point of view in his books and contemporary literature. And, contrary to popular belief, this is not romance and passion at all. Yes, they also take place, but the very definition of love is not in them. He emphasizes that you can only buy affection, but not a genuine deep feeling. Modern love from a scientific point of view is also a helping hand in a difficult situation (but not to the detriment of oneself), friendship, in which there is attraction, the desire for procreation, sexual contact, trust and tenderness.

It is this opinion that modern specialists in practical psychology adhere to today, who also work with married couples. They allow you to resolve various family conflicts and try to bring the couple to a common solution.

And yet, not a single scientific definition of love contains a general formula that reflects dreams under the moon, a million flowers from a loved one, his tenderness and passion, as well as the smile of his beloved woman, for whose happiness he is ready to give everything. And not a single definition of what true love is from a scientific point of view can convey all the facets of this wonderful feeling.

Incredible Facts

Historians, philosophers, psychologists and poets have been trying for many years to answer the question, what is love?

Many have experienced sudden and overwhelming love at first sight or deep, tender love for their child, family, or friends.

So how can you define a feeling that is familiar to almost all of us?

What is love? Definition and types of love

According to the dictionary definition, "love is a feeling of deep affection or sympathy for another person."

Psychologists distinguish three main components of love:

Passion is the physical side of love and represents sexual desire, attraction and arousal

Proximity is the emotional aspect of love and includes connection, unity, and friendship

Commitments is a choice, that is, a decision to stay with a partner, joint plans for the future.

Different combinations of these three components lead to the emergence of different types of love:

romantic love(intimacy and passion)

friendly love(intimacy and commitment)

fatal love(passion and commitment)

perfect love(passion, intimacy and commitment) is also the strongest and most durable.

The ancient Greeks defined love in several categories:

Agape- unconditional love, an example of which is the love of God for man

Philia- dispassionate virtuous love, conditioned by our sympathies and desires

Storge- family, kindred love, physical demonstration of affection.

Eros- enthusiastic love, veneration of the object of love

Ludos- love is like a game, flirting

Mania- obsessive love

pragma– realistic and practical love

There are other definitions of love, but perhaps no theory can explain what love is to a person who has never loved or been loved. However, many of us have our own, sometimes erroneous, idea of ​​love.

5 myths about love

Myth 1: Opposites attract.

The idea that opposites attract may sound very romantic, but research shows that the opposite is true in life.

Psychologists say that it is quite rare to find a couple in a long-term relationship in which the partners would be from different social and economic backgrounds.

Although about 90 percent of people say that they need a person with opposite character traits, we attracted to partners who are similar to us in terms of physical attractiveness and personality traits.

Myth 2. True love only happens once.

Relationship experts say a person can fall in love several times and each time experience a different relationship experience. Love often comes when we get to know someone well enough to like them. This in turn is enough to make you think about spending your life with him. And there is more than one person who might like us.

Myth 3. Love conquers all

It takes more than love to stay in a long relationship or marriage. Love is the starting point and in order for it to survive, it must be tempered with patience, humor and concessions.

Relationship specialists agree that other factors play a major role in the development of a relationship. Couples with shared values ​​and commitment to each other stay together the longest. In addition, every person in a relationship should learn problem-solving skills, anger and stress management, and patience.

Myth 4. Love lasts 1-3 years

According to research, romantic love can stand the test of time. Although it is believed that love and sex develop into a friendly union over time, this is not always the case.

About 13 percent of people can maintain romantic feelings for many years. However, the researchers emphasize that distinguish between romantic love and passionate love, which usually decays. Romantic love includes affection and sexual compatibility, but lacks the obsessive element of passionate love. Passionate love, in turn, is characterized by uncertainty and anxiety.

Myth 5. There is love at first sight.

This misconception has some truth to it. Love at first sight is possible, and we need from a fifth of a second to 3 minutes to determine if a person is right for us and whether we want to continue a relationship with him.

But while many believe in the power of first impressions, most long-term relationships start very differently, with only 11 percent of long-term relationships beginning as "love at first sight."

1. Being in love has soothing effect on our mind and body. It increases the level of nerve growth factor, which restores the nervous system and improves the memory of lovers.

2. Love is like cocaine. It affects the same areas of the brain and causes the same feelings of euphoria that people experience when taking cocaine.

3. Love renders the same stress on the body as a feeling of deep fear. At the same time, the same physiological reactions are present: enlarged pupils, sweating of the palms, an increase in heart rate.

4. According to mathematical theory, we you need to meet with a dozen people before choosing the right partner. This gives us the best chance of a love marriage.

5. When we are "dumped" we love the person who rejected us for a while even more. The fact is that the areas of the brain that are activated when we were in a happy union remain active for a long time.

6. There is an explanation for why office romances happen so often. The biggest predictor of love is intimacy. Intimacy breeds comfort and connection, and thus love.

7. Every fifth romance began when one or both partners were in a relationship with other partners.

The psychology of love is the realm of the unknown, a favorite topic of thousands of poets, novelists and even scientists. No scientific community can fully explain the actions of a person in love. The lover is a mystery and at the same time a challenge to science. After all, love exists autonomously, lives on its own, does not obey the laws of logic and reason. It can have both a destructive effect on people, incinerating everything inside, and a creative one, “lifting up to heaven.” Most consider faces in love a little crazy, and hence they consider love itself as some kind of mental illness. However, according to a number of scientists, love is a means of socialization of the individual, a mechanism for his involvement in the system of social relationships.

Psychology of love and relationships

All people on earth want to have mutual love to the deathbed and a happy family life, but only a few "lucky ones" manage to realize this dream in practice. A trusting and truly successful relationship will develop only when both partners make an effort to understand the differences in the psychology of male and female love.

The psychology of love and relations between a man and the fair sex is quite different. This happened historically, but earlier this difference was not perceived so sharply, since all the relations of the spouses were built, basically, on the way of life that had developed with the development of society. There were generally accepted principles that for several millennia said how spouses should behave, they also prescribed certain duties for them. Modern views on family life, love relationships, extramarital affairs have changed somewhat.

So, for example, before the role of the wife was reduced only to household services for the family and care for all participants in family relations. Today, women are winning by leaps and bounds their right to individuality, to the opportunity to live the way they like it, and not according to orders. The sharp emancipation of the representatives of the previously weaker sex led to a loss of mutual understanding between the male and female part of the population. As a result, naturally, the psychology of women in love, their behavior, mood and the psychology of men in love have undergone quite significant changes.

In addition to the fact that beautiful women are initially different in nature from the representatives of the stronger half, today they are more than ever subject to the not always favorable influence of society. All this together makes them even more incomprehensible to the opposite sex. In a man, everything is directed to a specific minute, their body is adapted to a quick one-time burst of energy. Women act gradually and more plastically.

The psychology of women in love, in the first place, is due to the desire to continue the race. The feeling of love makes the daughters of Eve truly feminine, it reveals their beauty and charm, makes them gentle and docile. Women are much weaker physically than men, at least that's how nature originally intended, but the newfangled craze for women in gyms makes this statement controversial for a certain number of ladies. In any case, the young ladies are much more resilient than the stronger half. They also have a more developed sense of responsibility, as they need to take care of their offspring.

Beautiful women are much more emotional than the male part of the population. Psychology considers their emotional manifestations of love to be a physiological feature. In addition, emotions are an important component of the maternal instinct. After all, if a new mother does not have a close emotional connection with the baby, then often she refuses him.

Basically, the whole psychology of female love is connected with the desire to become a mother. Scientists are convinced that the preoccupation of beautiful young ladies with their appearance is due to the desire to attract males, caused by the instinct of procreation. A genetically and physiologically determined factor is the inclination of women to. Another important difference between ladies and gentlemen can be considered the susceptibility of female mood to the influence of hormonal levels. It is hormones that can be caused, at first glance, slightly inadequate behavior of the chosen one.

The psychology of love and relationships, how to understand that you are loved

To establish mutual understanding in a couple and trusting relationships between partners, it is always necessary to remember that there are two absolutely opposite views on reality, which gives rise to differences in the psychology of a man and woman in love. Therefore, for a successful, happy and long-lasting relationship, it is necessary to study the differences that the psychology of love and falling in love, sexual desire and friendship contain, and also skillfully combine all of the four components listed in family life.

Love from the point of view of psychology implies a free relationship based on mutual happiness and mutual trust. It contains three aspects: moral (commitment), emotional (intimacy) and physical (passion) aspects.

The moral component of love implies a willingness to accept joint solutions to problems. This aspect is based on respect for the positions and feelings of the partner, moral principles, intellectual abilities and dignity. Respect is the guarantor of trust and loyalty in a relationship.

The emotional side of love is intimacy, togetherness, friendship. Love has an inextricable link with friendship, which is based on common views, goals, aspirations. For partners in love, friendship reaches its peak due to the inner closeness and unity of souls, when the personal turns into the common and vice versa. This is joy for a partner, empathy for him, enjoyment of his touches, which replace words, broadcast true feelings hidden from others. Ordinary friendship does not imply such intimacy. Such intimacy arises only when, in addition to common interests, there is attraction in friendship.

The physical aspect of love is based on passion, characteristic of this behavior and arousal. Sexual attraction of such strength when a partner is the only source of physical satisfaction. The object of love is the most desired, and other partners are not attracted already.

All of these aspects of the psychology of love are equally important for building and developing relationships. In different couples, there may be different combinations of them, characteristic of each type of love. But the so-called "true love" is based on these three aspects, taken in equal proportions.

Psychology of love and love has its own distinctive features. For partners who are in a state of love, the intimate subtext of the relationship is important; for love, intimacy is not a priority. People in love reach out to each other to avoid feelings of loneliness, partners who truly love each other are self-sufficient, their inner world is characterized by independence from a partner. Falling in love is characterized by the appearance of an ecstatic state only in the presence of an object, while in love happiness is continuous. Love is the desire to possess, and love is the desire to give. The first can be compared with the behavior of a baby, which is controlled by the only desire “I want”, the second - with the behavior of an adult, wiser by lived experience. The first one empties, the second one fills. Falling in love requires the presence of external attributes and confirmations, love is the desire of a couple to move in the same direction.

Therefore, if you are concerned about the topic: “the psychology of love and relationships, how to understand that you are loved,” then first of all you need to learn to listen to your own heart, notice signs of a verbal and non-verbal nature, and also understand which desire dominates: to take or give.

Psychology of men in love

The sons of Adam are seen by women as creatures full of secrets and mysteries, however, representatives of the strong half about beautiful women have a similar opinion. The female brain is constantly tormented by thoughts: “what is he thinking about”, “how to understand his actions”, “what is generally going on in his head”. Often, male behavior simply baffles the daughters of Eve. How to find common ground when often men and women do not want to find them? And if they do, they just don't know how.

In love, this is exactly what is meant to help. First of all, you need to understand one simple fact: all people strive for happiness, but everyone has their own idea of ​​\u200b\u200bthis state. It is enough for one to eat tasty food to feel satisfied with his own existence, the other will go through his whole life to the end without knowing happiness. Someone can see the beauty in familiar things and enjoy it, the other, after reaching the next goal on the path to happiness, will feel empty and unhappy, setting the next bar in front of him. At the same time, most people experience similar needs - for security, procreation, respect, love. These are inherent human aspirations generated by instincts. Most men tirelessly repeat that when choosing a lady of the heart, they are guided by the following criteria: a rich inner world and the ability to cook deliciously.

Psychology of a man in love is such that the representatives of the stronger sex are very cunning, calling these criteria prevailing when choosing a soulmate. First of all, the sons of Adam in love relationships are based on the young lady's compliance with his standards of beauty. A man on a subconscious level makes his choice in favor of a certain girl, based mainly on her appearance. Only much later, in the process of communicative interaction, does the man begin to evaluate the inner world of the chosen one and her domesticity. Therefore, at the first rendezvous, you do not need to paint the guy all your culinary achievements.

The psychology of men in love is conditioned by ancient instincts. Consequently, a man instills confidence in his own success. From this we can derive the main components of the behavior of the strong half and their psychology of love:

- an irreconcilable desire to conquer the girl you like;

- the tendency to always dominate in relationships;

- the desire to feel their own superiority;

- the desire to please other ladies, and attract their views;

- The need for love and attention.

The psychology of men in love is initially based on a banal instinct to conquer and conquer. Many young ladies noticed that guys in love are capable of much to win the heart of their beloved. Therefore, if a gentleman “sings” about love and constantly postpones meetings, hiding behind a lack of time, does not answer the girl’s requests, rarely calls, then this indicates that all his words are empty.

The instinct pushes the representatives of the stronger sex to reckless, and sometimes even slightly inadequate actions, for the sake of the admiring gaze of their beloved eyes. At the same time, girls should not think that such reckless behavior will last forever. The process of conquering the beloved usually does not last long. As soon as a man makes sure that he firmly reigns in the heart of the chosen one, he will less and less begin to give sudden gifts and make surprises. Rare representatives of the stronger sex are able to care for their chosen one throughout their lives. So, the beauty is subdued, the proud conqueror of women's hearts goes to rest, and the dominant male comes to the fore.

In love is such that it is very important for the representatives of the stronger sex to dominate in relationships, to be the head of the family. Often, women hear a statement from the lips of their loved ones that they are always right, that all decisions remain with them, and the only argument in favor of such phrases is their belonging to the masculine gender. Such a desire to dominate is not due to instinct, rather it depends on upbringing, as well as on the model of relationships adopted in the boy's family. The adequate desire of a man to dominate should not be perceived as a disadvantage, fight it and eradicate it. After all, women are still the weaker sex, who is destined by nature to be the keeper of the hearth, but not its protector. Worse, when the wife has to pull on her own fragile shoulders and the husband of the "earner" and children.

The psychology of men in love is also manifested in the desire to be the center of attention of the chosen one. Guys are pretty picky about praise. Therefore, you need to praise your loved one, emphasize his uniqueness, say how kind, smart and just wonderful he is. At the same time, praise should not be undisguised flattery. The lack of praise pushes the spouse to search on the side of the one who can appreciate his merits.

Men in marriage have slightly different manifestations of love - psychology says so. Indeed, for representatives of the strong half, the very word marriage is associated with the loss of freedom, and yet they are very afraid of any restrictions. In addition, no matter how much the spouse earns, what his social status is, he strives to command and be in charge. Sometimes for men, the family is the only place where they can assert themselves and work out a commanding voice. Also, "males" dream of an economic wife. And it doesn’t matter which of the spouses has more free time, the wife’s lot is the kitchen. However, not all men behave in this way. Women need to remember that even if they come across the most accommodating gentleman, you should not go too far, defending the right to make decisions. If a man feels that his freedom is too limited and constantly pressured, then in the near future he will run away to freedom. A wise and loving wife, who values ​​family relationships, should try to establish a life so that a man feels like the head of the family in any situation. Indeed, for the male part of the population, actual power is not so important as the presence of nominal power.

The psychology of men in love is inextricably linked with sexual desire and intimate relationships. The ideal intimate life with the wife through the eyes of a man is described below. First of all, the stronger sex should feel at their best in bed life. Therefore, in this sphere of coexistence, women should not save enthusiastic exclamations and praises. In this area of ​​relationships, the spouse also seeks to dominate and he needs to be allowed to do so. At the same time, it will not be superfluous to occasionally take the initiative and dominate in bed.

The psychology in bed of the representatives of the strong half is completely determined by their instincts. That is why men in intimate relationships always want to feel strong, skillful, attractive. If the spouse feels just like that, being next to the missus, then he will definitely not look for anyone on the side.

In addition to the professional, intimate sphere, it is also important for men to realize their hobbies, for example, fishing or designing model aircraft. Therefore, taking the position of a tyrant, forbidding her husband to do what pleases him, is not the best strategy. The stronger sex perceives any prohibitions as a restriction of freedom, which will lead to the desire to break free. Men are freedom-loving creatures with whom you need to be able to negotiate, and not act with prohibitions. Any restrictions in a couple, no matter which side they come from, always only harm the relationship.

Not only women want to feel like behind a stone fortress in marriage, men also need to know that they are safe, that they will not be betrayed, that they love and expect to be accepted by anyone, that they will support their undertakings and help, if necessary. In addition, a man should not only feel safe himself, but also surround with protection all the people dear to his heart. This is also a manifestation of an innate instinct, which can be briefly formulated as follows: my territory, my property, my wife, and so on. Responsibility for the family, one's own property, a sense of ownership - all this is also very important for any representative of the male part of the population. Therefore, women are encouraged to show their loved ones how important it is for them to feel the protection and support of their spouse. In addition, you need to often tell your husbands that they are strong and courageous.

Women should try not to lose sight of any, even the most insignificant success of their man. Only admiration in the eyes of his beloved and enthusiastic words will push a man to further achievements. Only with that woman will a man live his whole life, with whom he will feel his own uniqueness and significance.

What, in fact, is the psychology of love and relationships, how to understand that you are loved?

In fact, knowledge of the basics of male behavior and the main aspects is the main assistant of the weaker sex in terms of winning the heart of a lover. Wisdom comes with age, and the path to knowledge is always open, if there is a desire. Only understanding the specifics of the behavior of a man in love will allow you to build healthy, long-term and happy family relationships. And if the beloved began to make surprises less and less, you should not panic, believing that the chosen one has fallen out of love. After all, he could simply decide that he had already conquered his beloved, therefore, he now needs to take care of material well-being, and gifts will wait.

First love psychology

It is rare to find a subject who, in his youth or in his late youth, would not have experienced his first love, feelings when, at the sight of an object of sighing, his legs gave way, threw him into a fever, took his breath away, sweated his palms and dried up in his mouth. When you constantly wanted to be near your beloved, to see him, to hear him. In the absence of reciprocity, often a bad mood, loss of sleep and appetite, glances thrown secretly, quiet sighs, and, conversely, with mutual love - euphoria, a riot of colors, a happy mood, increased ability to work, energy is just in full swing, the desire to hug all passers-by and give them a little warmth.

It is believed that the first feeling is the purest, uncomplicated by greed, lust, the desire to possess. First love is a sublime feeling, to which the attitude is always only the most serious. After all, as soon as it is born in the soul, everything else instantly fades into the background - studies, sports training, and hobbies are abandoned. Everything goes away, only one object of sighing remains. But first love can't last forever. She, like everything else in life, passes, but the wounds can leave quite deep.

Despite the mental anguish that sometimes leaves behind the first love, many people enjoy remembering it, talking about their experiences. Some people who experienced this wonderful feeling in their deep youth are convinced that it was love at first sight, while psychology says the opposite.

First love - the psychology of relationships. It is impossible to fall in love with a stranger at first sight, you can only experience the feeling of attraction of bodies, which can develop into something deeper, but this takes time. The feeling of love does not arise instantly. For the emergence of true love, the experience of relationships, the unity of souls, aspiration in one direction, patience and understanding, a commonality of views, attitudes, interests and principles, a desire to share all the joys and sorrows that have arisen are necessary. At first glance, all of the above simply cannot appear.

Psychology denies love at first sight, because love is not just a feeling, not an impression of a moment, it is the work of both partners, multiplied by time.

Psychology perceives the first experience of a love relationship as an important personal test. She argues that the final stage of personality formation depends precisely on how a person experiences the state of being in love.

Every person is a social being. He lives in a society that dictates certain living conditions, a model of behavior, etc. to him. Living the next role, each person knows exactly how to behave. For example, a child understands how he needs to behave, adults know what to do for family well-being. But when a feeling of first love appears, a person himself has to make decisions, think about what to do. In this role, the individual is both a student and an examiner. There are no written rules, because they simply cannot be written down. After all, love is irrational. In a situation of first love, a person is no longer a successful student or a caring father. Here he has to open up in relation to the chosen one. To present yourself in front of your beloved undisguised, as it really is.

Experiencing this high feeling, no one wonders what kind of car the beloved has, what kind of apartment, the status of parents, material security. This feeling is permeated with romance, light and purity, but it cannot be treated superficially, since the first love can both give free of charge and break a person.

More interesting, however, is the fact that true first feelings of love are rare. You can meet many individuals who have not experienced this feeling, but there are also those who, after many years, cannot forget the object of their first love, which has a rather detrimental effect on the person himself.

Psychologists are convinced that the first feeling of love must be completed. Only pleasant light memories should remain about him, evoking either joy or sadness, but not melancholy or. And even more so, you do not need to return to the experienced relationship. Returning to the past dooms a person to even greater torment. The so-called "stuck" on the object of the first love contributes to a failed marriage. After all, dissatisfaction with today's life leads to the idealization of past relationships.

The next factor that causes the desire to return the object of first love is a person prone to splitting feelings. For example, a married woman seems to love her own spouse, but at the same time scrolls through other possible options in her head. And if the opportunity is given, then the lady is unable to resist.

Narcissistic tendencies are the third factor that causes a return to past relationships. , narcissism, admiration for one's own person does not allow one to forget the time when there was so much delight, admiration, so many gentle and pleasant words were uttered by a loved one.

But the most significant factor is the predisposition of people to exist outside of time. For them there is only one category "always". Such people perceive everything that happened before, people, past relationships, as a component of their own life now, despite the fact that many years have passed, the situation has changed and nothing can be returned. Narcissistic personalities perceive first love not as a past feeling, but as something permanent.

But the situation is more dangerous not when people "stop" on the first feeling, but when people do not experience this feeling at a young age, when the first love comes at the age of forty. Such a situation is catastrophic, even despite the sublimity and creativity of this feeling, despite the positive emotions that it carries in itself. What makes the situation catastrophic is that at this age each person already has a certain way of life, some already have families, children, work and everything that is necessary for a happy life. And then suddenly, unexpectedly, a feeling comes that turns everything in life, changes the usual way of life and even destroys families. After all, life without an object of sighing is meaningless. This is the main danger of a belated feeling of first love.

It is required to understand that the first love - psychology claims, sooner or later will overtake everyone. It can be mutual or unrequited, but it will be remembered for a lifetime. The sensations generated by it help a person to re-know himself. First love is needed in order to teach people to love.