Self-confident have strong. What kind of confident person is he? Confident people do not divide the world into black and white

How to become self-confident? How to increase confidence? In fact, this is one of the most common problems that are addressed to a psychologist.

It usually starts out the other way. Few people come to the office and say: “I am an insecure person, help me.”

All these actions, habits and attitudes seem ordinary and normal to people who are insecure in themselves. Uncertainty is always fear, and, as you know, fears must be fought in the name of a harmonious and happy life!

So, let's look at how insecure people behave.

1. They don’t do what they would like because they know for sure that they won’t succeed (lack of knowledge, experience, education, beauty or something else)

The good news is that success in any enterprise is almost never dependent on experience, education, or talent. Success is an effort and faith in victory. Don't you know people who are very talented, but, let's say, occupy worse positions than their less intelligent counterparts? Do you know cases when a person changed his life, becoming successful and famous, starting his way from the very bottom? There are millions of those and other examples, and what prevents you from achieving what you want is only your uncertainty. Scary - take a step, very scary - take two! Whether you succeed or not will depend only on the amount of effort you put in!

2. Communicate with those people who do not like or who humiliate them

One of the most striking indicators of an insecure person is an amazing, incredible ability to continue to associate with people who put them down or assert themselves at their expense. When I was in high school, I had a friend who convinced me every day that I was fat, stupid, ugly, and what else teenagers usually convince each other. By the senior classes, I realized the unproductiveness of such communication, on which it ended once and for all. It was in childhood, but I know a lot of adults who have such "friends" and with the pleasure of a masochist every time they listen to more and more interesting facts about themselves.

Such communication is not only not beneficial - it is very harmful, both in the fact that your self-esteem tends to the baseboard, and in the fact that you are incredibly energetically depleted, and your opponent, on the contrary, “feeds” on your emotions. Most likely, you have a lot of excuses why you cannot stop such communication, but know that it is only in your head, it is much easier to end such a relationship than you think. Some things just need to be done...

3. Cannot refuse a request

These are such wonderful people who do not even have doubts when, after a hard day at work, they are asked to rush to the other end of the city to sit with their child while his mother and her girlfriends go to the club. These are the ones who are happy to take on the work of a colleague, because he asked. They are ready to give up all their affairs, postpone plans and fulfill the request with all their might in the name of: “what if he thinks badly of me” or “what if he gets offended.”

Well, he'll think. And then what? What will change in your life if you say "no" when you want to say it? There will be more time and energy for your own affairs. Increase self-respect. And you will be more appreciated and respected. Yes, of course, if you are pleased to help - this is one thing, but if you are already “going and your legs are hanging down”, then there is reason to think.

Don't know how to become a confident person? and get instructions on how to get out of uncertainty!

4. Their opinion of themselves is directly affected by what others say about them.

This is the most common and most difficult situation. The Universe constantly sends us different people and different reactions to us. Some people like us, some don't. But it is precisely the obsession with the opinions of others that betrays insecure people: “what will the neighbors say about me”, “what will they think if ...”.

People both thought and think and not always well. It is precisely this "not good", usually, that our heroes accept about themselves as the truth. I'm fat because the saleswoman in the store said so, no one needs me, because the guy I refused said so, and so on and so forth.

The result is a portrait of a curved mirror. Remember, as in childhood, fun rooms? Imagine that you have never seen yourself in a normal mirror before, and now they give you a crooked one, where you look at yourself for the first time in your life. What will be the feeling? This is who I am...

But you are an adult, why do you compose an understanding of yourself based on an image from an unrealistic display? There are many methods to fix this. Start by writing out a list of your real qualities based on objective data, and not on someone’s subjective assessment: “What I am ...” (not to be confused with “what others say about me”).

5. Understand that they are not worthy of what they want.

“I am too ugly to have a loving husband,” “I have a poor education so that I can earn more,” “with such a character, I will always be alone,” and so on and so forth. All this is nonsense.

Any miracle can happen to any person as soon as he is internally ready to accept it. Don't you know examples of ugly women and their happy marriages, lack of education and large sums of money? If it happened to some, then it can happen to you. It will, as soon as you're ready to accept it. Therefore, stop doubting, underestimate your dreams and grow wings from your desires.

6. Compare themselves to acquaintances, friends, colleagues, neighbors

Yes, insecure people constantly compare themselves with someone and the comparison is not in their favor.

But you, by definition, cannot compare yourself to anyone else, because you are a unique person who came into this world. There has never been and never will be another like you! You are amazing! You are unique!

7. Doubt, tension, embarrassment are their constant companions.

Do you try to do nothing without thinking it over carefully, weighing and measuring it all 33 times, but doubts and stress less and less allow you to take a step towards new opportunities? Congratulations, it is insecurity that keeps you from living your life to the fullest.

Life gives us a lot of chances and it's only our choice to use them or not. Scrolling in the head, thinking and dreaming, but doing nothing, we miss a lot of opportunities. Life passes, act!

Also, insecure people often feel embarrassed and constantly apologize. They put their desires and their opinions in second and subsequent places, try to please everyone, prefer to “keep silent” and stay away from others, live in dreams, and put off real life “for later” and much more.

In general, self-doubt is one of the most destructive feelings. It is clear that everyone experiences doubts in one area or another from time to time, but when this uncertainty takes possession of a person, capturing his entire existence, this, without a doubt, begins to destroy his life. And if you do not work on gaining self-confidence, then there can be no talk of a happy life, success and harmonious relationships.

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“I'm ugly”, “I won't succeed”, “Everything is lost” - these and similar phrases can often be heard from people who do not love themselves. Psychologists call this behavior toxic, because it can poison the life not only of those who are always insecure in themselves, but also of everyone around them. That is why a relationship with such a person is a real test of strength. After all, the partner has to console, inspire and inspire confidence, instead of enjoying life.

We are in website we decided to figure out why it is so difficult to love people who do not love themselves, and now we know for sure why it is so difficult to live with them.

1. Absorb all your emotions and demand new ones.

People who do not love themselves need constant confirmation of love for them from other people. In every word, look and deed they see a catch, a secret meaning. And this is not a bad character: it is really difficult for an insecure person to figure out whether they confess to him sincerely or just to appease.

It is very difficult to communicate with someone who sees only the bad in everything. Perhaps, at first, an ardent lover will take on the role of a fairy-tale prince who will console the eternal crybaby, but very soon he will run out of steam. Because she wants to be good and listen to herself sweet speeches, which she begins to demand in huge quantities. A little carried away by his work - and she is already crying.

2. They only talk about themselves and their feelings.

Insecure people often combine two opposite qualities - they do not love themselves, but at the same time they are extremely selfish. Ideally, the relationship between two people is a dialogue that is conducted on an equal footing. But not in this case. Complexity makes a person think and talk only about himself. This type of people can morally devastate even the most patient partner.

3. Negative emotions are brighter for them.

An insecure person suspects that in fact he is of little worth. But all the time to engage in self-abasement is too unpleasant, so he is often busy devaluing and belittling everything that surrounds him. The doctors in the clinic are fools, the shop assistants are rude, the friend's wife is terrible, and the friend himself is an alcoholic. And in the midst of all this disgrace, he is even nothing. Therefore, the partner needs support and sympathy for the fact that you have to live among all this rabble. Well, praise and admiration for the fact that he is such a fine fellow.

4. Prone to cheating

Truly self-confident people do not need unnecessary confirmation of their own irresistibility. They already know this, because confidence lives inside - it does not need external recharge.

The situation is quite different for those who are not accustomed to love and self-care. Their self-esteem depends on others. Doubts about their own beauty force them to look for love on the side. Everyone who shows sympathy for them, they write down in the circle of close associates and jump headlong into the whirlpool of "passion". And there is always something to blame for a permanent partner - usually that he does not give enough love.

5. They constantly prove something to the whole world and to themselves.

Researchers claim that people who are too critical of themselves have a neurotic personality type. They are restless and anxious for no reason. And they are always dissatisfied with themselves and those around them, and this pushes them to a constant search for an ideal - a new job that will be better than the previous one, or to buy worthless things and unnecessary acquaintances. They seem to be forced to constantly prove to themselves and to the whole world that they are actually not bad guys. It is unlikely that life with such a person will be calm and measured.

6. Jealous and checking

Blind jealousy is the lot of insecure people. It is impossible for someone who does not love himself to believe that his partner has real feelings for him. Sometimes relationships turn into an endless search for a catch. This is a completely painful situation, because because of doubts in love, a jealous person begins real surveillance, and there is a great risk that you will get yourself a real domestic tyrant. And no assurances of fidelity will help: such a person will always have few of them.

The feeling of confidence in most people depends on the circumstances and scenarios. Perhaps that is why we so often think about how to gain stable and constant self-confidence. And we also live in a world where the motto “fake it until you become it” is popular. Therefore, how can one determine whether this or that person is really confident in himself or is it just his mask? Keep in mind, confidence is not swagger, bravado, or ostentatious bravery. Confidence has nothing to do with selfishness, narcissism and neglect of other people. Real confidence looks modest and low-key, it is a natural manifestation of ability, experience and self-respect. Do you want to identify truly confident people? They are united by the following nine features.

1. They adhere to their point of view, not because they consider it the only correct one, but because they have no fear of mistakes.

2. They listen much more actively than they speak themselves.

3. They don't like to bask in the glory by bringing other people into the spotlight.

4. They can easily and naturally ask for help.

5. They always wonder "Who if not me?"

6. They don't put other people down.

7. They are not afraid to look stupid ...

8. …And they admit their mistakes.

9. They only seek approval from people who are truly important to them.

Learn to play an active role in changing the thoughts, behaviors and decisions that are holding you back from taking any step!

Her heart was pounding.

A dozen pairs of eyes stared in her direction.

The only thing that stood between her and complete nudity was a thin robe. And she was going to take off her clothes and stand in front of all these people with no clothes on at all.

The instructor looked at her, letting her know that the time had come. She took a deep breath and the robe fell to the floor. She had never felt so vulnerable.

After a few minutes, looking over the heads of everyone in the room, she dared to look at a few people. They were focused on her sketch, their faces were serious. They didn't condemn her. They look at her body as something beautiful, something that can be depicted on paper. She was art.

She began to relax. For the next hour, she not only felt confident standing naked in front of these artists, she felt free. Not so much because she showed her body, but because she dared to do something that she was so deeply afraid of.

Imagine the feeling of having self-confidence and fearlessly doing whatever comes to mind. Imagine being able to let go of your metaphorical robe and face the things that scare you.

Most confident people aren't born that way. Like everyone else, they had their fears and insecurities. But self-confident people have not let these fears and insecurities control their destiny. They have learned to play an active role in changing the thoughts, behaviors and decisions that are holding them back from taking any step.

Here are twenty things confident people never do:

1. Don't lie about yourself

Confident people never lie about themselves. They also don't believe in negative thoughts like "I'm too old" or "I'm not smart enough" or "I'm not attractive enough." They do not deny this, but do not spread such information about themselves. They are true to themselves, even if the truth seems complicated.

2. They don't brag about things they haven't done yet.

3. Do not lose heart after rejection

Confident people understand that their shortcomings are not a barrier to success. They know that failure is just a lesson, the lessons from which can be very useful for the next attempt. Of course, they feel regret when they get rejected, but they are able to survive, forget and move on, trying again - as many times as necessary. Rejection is not a reason to quit.

4. Do not require someone else's approval

They don't compromise their own desires, goals and needs in order for those who are nearby to approve of them. Their actions and choices do not depend on someone else's opinion, but are guided only by reason and a sense of the need for certain actions. They are able to tolerate the discomfort that those who have given up on them create when it is in their own interest or allows them to stick to their goals.

5. Don't Forget Appearance

When you are confident in yourself, you have a healthy attitude towards your appearance. You are trying to improve what you can and strive to be healthy and well-groomed. And then you accept yourself, love yourself and respect yourself. And this is very important for success. You understand that appearance does not define you, but partly indicates your ability to be successful. Confident people have enough self-respect to stay fit and eat healthy because they know their bodies deserve to be properly cared for.

6. Do not forget about gestures and facial expressions

They do not avoid eye contact. They never put their heads down. They do not forget to smile and always greet a person with a firm handshake. They know for sure that even when they are silent, their gestures, looks or facial expressions can speak volumes. They constantly practice non-verbal communication. This inspires confidence and disposes the interlocutor to them.

7. Don't put down others to feel good.

They don't need to speak ill of other people or make negative comments about their success or wealth in order to make themselves look good. They truly rejoice in other people's successes and are inspired by them. They understand that successful people do not envy, but achieve everything themselves. They look to other happy, successful people and it motivates them to become better, work harder and achieve the same success in life.

8. Don't hide your mistakes

Confident people know that mistakes are inevitable but fixable, so don't focus on them. They apologize when necessary and do what they have to do to make things right. They don't throw away the blame, they don't shift it to another person, and they don't try to pretend that the mistake isn't really a mistake at all. They are fully responsible for their actions and decisions.

9. Don't settle for less

They have a vision of what they want and they go for it. They don't hold back and don't let their fears stop them from achieving their goals. They push themselves to go higher and higher. They set the bar high for themselves and believe there is no limit to perfection. They know they deserve the best in work and life like no one else.

10. Do not avoid contact with other people

Staying isolated and disconnected from society is a sign of low self-confidence. You don't want to present yourself that way in front of others, you don't want to look stupid and have your aloofness become a reason to judge you. With self-confidence, you won't avoid interacting with other people. On the contrary, you will look for it. You see the importance of this communication with people with whom you exchange ideas, friendships, partnerships and become one-for-one inspiration, to take place in your life.

11. Don't resist opportunities to learn new things.

They confidently want to be on the lava of students for life. Even when they are experts in their fields, they have the mentality of a learner, knowing that this allows them to achieve so much more in life, and gives them many ways to grow further. They are not rooted in the old ways of doing things and do not prefer old ideas of what is right or best. They are looking for ways to develop themselves with new knowledge.

12. Do not pay attention to weaknesses more than strengths.

Many people think that they should spend more time strengthening their weaknesses. But self-confident people understand that success comes with continued improvement in their strengths. They are able to accept their own weaknesses gracefully, and put more time and effort into endeavors where they know they will be more likely to succeed. They spend their time and energy in a way that makes them feel good and comfortable doing it.

13. Don't Forget About Compromises

Defining Core Values ​​gives you the foundational principles that you put into practice. Living by these principles means you won't compromise or give up what you hold dear. With confidence, you use these principles as you make decisions in your life and at work. But sometimes you have to compromise, even if it means giving up something you want in the short term.

14. Not afraid to ask for help when they need it

When you are confident, you don't feel humiliated when you need help or support. You recognize that searching is a sign of strength and self-respect, not weakness. If you have problems, feel free to contact a friend or professional.

15. Don't ignore their own intuition and judgment

Self-confident people don't assume that other people have all the answers or know better than they do. They value their own judgment and listen to their own intuition. They recognize that they have the ability to come up with answers in most situations on their own.

16. Do not neglect the opportunity to improve their skills.

So much of the low self-confidence comes from not having the skills or training needed to be successful. Self-confident people see clearly what they need to do to improve their chances of success, and they are willing to spend time and energy improving their skills, advancing in training, or getting a higher level of education in order to be more confident in their abilities. .

17. Don't try to change your personality

You can be an introvert or an extrovert and still be confident. Confident people understand that self-confidence comes from feeling that you can achieve a lot by being completely authentic. They don't try to be somebody it's not. Self-acceptance is a vital element of self-confidence.

18. Do not look at other people's love relationships and do not try to repeat them.

People with low self-confidence often have bad relationships because they feel needy. Because they are insecure, they demand attention from their partner. But people who are confident understand that they must love and respect themselves in order to have strong love relationships.

19. Don't over-complicate your life.

Often, when you lack confidence, you create a lifestyle to avoid all the trouble. Confident people know what they want in every area of ​​their life and find ways to balance it. Sometimes they make strict decisions, put a ban on some things in life in order to experience the best of what they want most.

20. Don't be afraid to trust yourself

In this difficult life, you often have to turn to yourself for help, but many do not trust themselves. It seems to them that they cannot, they will not succeed, and that others are doing better. We must learn to trust ourselves, and then every business started will come to its logical conclusion.

Do you see yourself in any of these points?

If so, remember, self-confidence is a skill that can be learned just like any other skill. You shouldn't settle for self-doubt like a life sentence. You can feel complete and proud of who you are and what you can achieve.

Throw off the robe of fear, self-doubt, and inaction, and do what will improve every aspect of your life.