How to behave with a doctor in modern conditions. How to find a common language with a doctor from LCD How to make friends with a doctor

In real life and ordinary conversation, people often discuss possible acquaintances. You meet someone and tell them where you came from. They answer you: “Oh, my grandfather lives there”, they give his address and name, and you say whether you know him or not.

It’s logical to assume that friend recommendations work the same way: you tell the social network who you are, and it tells you which user you might know. However, Facebook's algorithms work at a much deeper level, and their results, which are visible in the You May Know Them tab, are anything but obvious. In the months I've been writing about the PYMK algorithm, as it's called on Facebook (People You May Know), I've heard hundreds of incredible stories:

Such stories seem impossible if you believe that Facebook only uses what you choose to tell. However, everything becomes clearer if we learn about another dossier maintained by Facebook itself - only here we can no longer control anything.

Behind the Facebook profile that you designed yourself, another one is hidden - information is transferred to it from a smartphone. Behind the Facebook profile that you designed yourself, there is another shadow one. Information is transferred to it from mailboxes and smartphones of Facebook users. This profile is associated with data that you never provided to the social network, thanks to which it can learn a lot more about your social life.

The existence of these shady Facebook profiles has been known for several years, but most users do not understand their real capabilities. Because Facebook's algorithms process these contact details inside a "black box," people don't realize just how deeply the social network enters their lives until another inexplicable recommendation pops up out of nowhere.

Facebook doesn't read that lawyer's work emails. But, most likely, this working postal address is recorded in some file, even if the lawyer himself did not provide it to the social network. If any person who knows this email address decides to give the social network access to their contacts, the company can connect the owner of this address with all the people who also have this address recorded - for example, with a defense lawyer.

Facebook refuses to disclose the source of specific recommendations. A company representative told me that those incredible stories may have other explanations - for example, the reason could be "mutual friendship" or "being in the same city / network." According to this representative, of the cases I mentioned, the story of a lawyer is most likely connected to shadow profiles.

Access to the contact list is one of the first steps that Facebook offers immediately after registering a new user. The Find My Friends feature on the desktop site is as simple as it gets:

You enter your email address, then your email password, and Facebook will offer to add all the users you know. In the meantime, all your contacts remain in the social network database.

The Find My Friends page in the Facebook app is much nicer, with flowers and a suggestion to "find out which friends you have on Facebook by sharing your contacts."

At the bottom of the page, under the "Get Started" button, it says in small print: "Contact information ... will be shared with Facebook so you and others can find friends faster." It sounds very vague, and even clicking on the "Read more" button will not help bring the necessary clarity:

Once this feature is activated, we will be able to use and securely store information about your contacts, including names and nicknames; photos; phone numbers and other data you add, such as type of relationship or profession; as well as data from your phone associated with these contacts.

Just think how many different information can be associated with a particular contact on your phone. Then imagine how much data about all sorts of people - whether they are closest friends or casual acquaintances - is stored on your phone.

Facebook reminds users to treat this information with care. “Your contacts may contain information about work or personal life,” the company warns the reader on the “More” page. “Only add people as friends who you know personally and who are willing to accept a request.”

After that warning, and agreeing that not everyone in your address book will want to be your friend, Facebook does exactly what it was trying to talk you out of. When you agree to open access to your contacts, all this data is immediately at the disposal of Facebook, and the social network will begin to look for connections between all your acquaintances, even the most distant ones - without you noticing how this happens.

Facebook does not like or use the term "shady profiles". The company does not like this because it seems that Facebook creates hidden profiles of people who have not yet registered on the social network, which contradicts the company's statements. About the existence of shadow profiles actively started talking in 2013, when Facebook announced the discovery and fix "buga". The bug was that profile loading users saw not only contact information of friends, but also hidden contacts of other people.

For Facebook, the problem of the bug was not that user information was stored in one huge database - the bug proved the very existence of this database. It is assumed that the degree of development of the network of contacts that Facebook builds around each user should be known only to the company itself.

Facebook is doing its best to hide from the public's attention how much data is collected through contacts and how far the boundaries of its sphere of influence extend. "Friend recommendations can be based on the contact information we get from people and their friends," explained Facebook spokesman Matt Steinfield. - Sometimes this means that someone you know has uploaded contact information - such as email or phone number - that our algorithm will contact you. Signals like these help us make sure you only see people you already know or would like to become friends with in your recommendations.”

Photo credit: focal point/Shutterstock

With such incredible reach, Facebook can do a lot more than just connect you directly with those who have your contact details. The network can build entire chains: if two different people have saved your number or email in their contacts, it is quite possible that they are familiar with each other. Moreover, for this, the address or phone number that you indicated in your profile is not necessarily used.

25.11.2004, 18:10

It would be interesting to hear opinions on the "non-working" relationship between doctor and patient. This does not mean the truisms of the Hippocratic oath, but how do you personally feel about the possibility of a personal relationship with a patient (patient), naturally by mutual consent:); have you observed this in your practice.

25.11.2004, 18:57

The Hippocratic Oath is something else.
And relationships .... this is life!
Anything can happen and I don’t see it as a crime, except for a number of diagnoses, especially within the framework of my specialty .... this is not only impossible, but also criminal in essence.

25.11.2004, 20:00

What are the problems, exactly? There are patients who have become friends (and friends), there are also friends who have become patients... The only thing that sometimes tires me is that for some reason they never forget that I am a doctor... There is some inconvenience in this... For example, a company gathered in a sauna - no one asks a hairdresser for advice on how to cut a haircut, an accountant, how best to submit a quarterly report ... But there are always questions about the state of health ... But there's nothing to be done about it.

25.11.2004, 20:53

About friends and patients - yes. That is, my friends became my patients, but patients did not become friends.

About the "doctor in the company."
MY friends somehow don't tire me out with work outside of work. But if in the company of parents' friends or at some holiday it is mentioned that I am a dentist - that's all - put out the lights, drain the water. From banal jokes to opening your mouth and poking your finger into a sore tooth with the words: "But what can you do about it?"
Fu, brrr!

25.11.2004, 21:22

This, as far as I understand, is about an intimate relationship between a doctor and a patient, and these relationships are forbidden by the doctor's oath (as far as I remember).

Ah... Then I somehow didn't realize... No, this has never happened in my practice, although I know many cases when there were such close relationships. I even know a couple who met in a hospital - she was a doctor, and he was a patient ... True, they broke up after 3 years, but this is beside the point ... They just didn’t agree on the characters ...

25.11.2004, 21:47

Well here psychotherapists, as always, have tried. Greetings from comrade Sigmund F.
It is believed that the basis of an intimate relationship between a doctor and a patient (of any gender) is initially not entirely healthy, because the relationship is not equal (the patient is less competent, the doctor is more competent, rivalry, the desire to win authority, and a lot of things like that). There is only one opinion here - as soon as the doctor and the patient lie down in the same bed, the treatment ends. The doctor is no longer a doctor, the patient is no longer a patient. I watched a couple of such stories with doctors - psychiatrists of both sexes ... Nothing good ... In my practice, I stop the encroachments of male patients at the very beginning ... encroachments ...

25.11.2004, 22:36

Interesting ... And for those doctors who admit that a relationship with a patient (s) is possible (albeit undesirable): would you take the initiative to the patient you liked) ((- that), if you were not sure that the attraction is mutual, or would you still wait for the initiative from the opposite side? :rolleyes:

26.11.2004, 12:54

Mother said: "Everything happens, son!"
Russian song

However, such relationships are completely unethical and personally unacceptable for me.

26.11.2004, 14:33

Mother said: "Everything happens, son!"
Russian song

Truth speaks through mother's mouth

27.11.2004, 07:55

I was wrong. Somehow he didn't pay attention to it.
But .. I happened to come across in narcology with doctors and psychologists who married patients. It didn't end well. Men don't risk it. ;)

“I swear by Apollo the doctor, Asclepius, Hygieia and Panacea and all the gods and goddesses, taking them as witnesses, to fulfill honestly, according to my strength and my understanding, the following oath and written obligation: to honor the one who taught me on a par with my parents, to share my wealth with him and in case of need to help him in needs; consider his offspring as his brothers, and this is an art, if they want to study it, to teach them free of charge and without any contract; instructions, oral lessons and everything else in the teaching to communicate to their sons, the sons of their teacher and students bound by an obligation and an oath according to the law of medicine, but to no one else. I will direct the regimen of the sick to their advantage, according to my ability and my understanding, refraining from causing any harm and injustice. I will not give to anyone the lethal agent asked of me, nor show the way for such a design; nor would I give any woman an abortion pessary. Purely and undefiled shall I conduct my life and my art. In no case will I make sections in those suffering from stone disease, leaving it to people involved in this matter. Whatever house I enter, I will enter there for the benefit of the sick, being far from everything intentional, unrighteous and pernicious, especially from love affairs with women and men, free and slaves.
Whatever I see or hear about human life during treatment - as well as without treatment - from what should never be divulged, I will keep silent about it, considering such things a secret. To me, who inviolably fulfills the oath, may happiness be given in life and in art, and glory among all people for all eternity; undefined, but to the one who transgresses and takes a false oath, let it be the opposite of this.

Natalya P.

27.11.2004, 13:44

27.11.2004, 14:42

Has every right.
A patient who has recovered is no longer a patient.
And people's lives are different.

Natalya P.

27.11.2004, 15:03

I don't mind at all ;)
May you live happily ever after:)

27.11.2004, 19:39

The detective just likes the attending physician, so she interrogates us to find out his possible reaction before she starts to glue him: D

I think it occurred to many, but only you voiced it. “It was smart enough to think of it, but it wasn’t enough to remain silent.” :p (sorry, joke)
In fact, everything is more prosaic. But I like your way of thinking, I'll think about it ... :rolleyes:
By the way, apparently you have some experience in this. Share. ;)
Apparently, I understand that this topic is perhaps not very correct. Many of the doctors present here are registered under their last names, perhaps this will prevent them from speaking more openly (maybe I'm wrong).

Natalya P.

27.11.2004, 19:54

“It was enough to think of it, but it wasn’t enough to remain silent.” (sorry joke)

So they usually say when a person guessed something indecent.

And I myself am a doctor and my experience of gluing doctors refers to the usual relationship between a man and a woman.

27.11.2004, 20:09

Hmm... yeah. Our experience with you, dear Natalya, of "gluing doctors" is rather classified according to the principle "do not sleep where you work" ... Although in general the conclusion is the same ...;)

27.11.2004, 20:11

Hmm... yeah. Our experience with you, dear Natalya, "gluing doctors together" is rather classified according to the principle "do not sleep where you work" ...

Good principle :) If the relationship goes into the stage of purulent decay, it will be difficult to communicate and work. But it’s also more pleasant to work while there is a relationship :).

27.11.2004, 20:13

Natalya P.

27.11.2004, 20:15

There are doctors in other hospitals, besides mine. And also in other cities. :D
And in my health care facility, I don’t care, I’m one of the bosses there. :)

27.11.2004, 20:25

Alas, Alexander, the general rule of such a relationship is much more prosaic: an affair at work is the first step towards the dismissal of one of the parties ... because the romance is fleeting, and obviously you have to work longer ... And few people manage to part like human beings.

1.5 years in the above case with a beautiful separation :), but being in the same room together is still not very comfortable. But there is always time for each other. In other words, there are benefits too. But better not, IMHO

PS According to the subject - with patients - with 100-year-old women + NK2B novels are irrelevant :)

Natalya P.

27.11.2004, 20:28

I read somewhere -
There are 6 billion people on Earth besides employees
;)

27.11.2004, 21:01

PS According to the subject - with patients - with 100-year-old women + NK2B, novels are irrelevant :) 8-) and it’s irrelevant for me in intensive care

28.11.2004, 21:04

At the risk of sounding harsh, but in my opinion, an intimate relationship between a doctor and a patient is unacceptable.

In the USA, there is a rule in medical ethics (by the way, I learned a lot of new and interesting things from medical ethics in the process of preparing for exams) that the relationship between a doctor and a patient is unacceptable even for 2 years after the termination of their doctor-patient relationship.
In the event of a violation of this rule and a lawsuit against the doctor by the patient, the doctor himself will suffer.
But this rule, of course, is violated and the situation is often used by the former patients themselves to obtain money in lawsuits.

29.11.2004, 19:30

Eh, girls!
I read you and thought: "Why not?!"
;)

Natalya P.

29.11.2004, 19:54

"Why not" with whom, with patients or colleagues? :D

30.11.2004, 07:08

* If you can’t, but really want to, then you can * - folk wisdom;)

30.11.2004, 08:11

30.11.2004, 15:12

Hurry before it's like in the USA!
There is nowhere to hurry. One of my acquaintances was almost fired when his anxious subordinate wrote a complaint to the higher authorities about sexual harassment on his part ... It was saved by the fact that, when interviewing the parties, harassment turned out to be a thoughtful look in her direction ... well, the myth that the liquidators of the Chernobyl accident completely impotent.

30.11.2004, 17:02

A young doctor after a busy day at work got to bed and is trying to sleep. But an inner voice nags and reproaches him for sleeping with his patient today.
Trying to somehow drive away the black oils, he starts reasoning: "... probably, after all, I'm not the first ... and she herself provoked me ... and in general, everything was not so bad ... "
and already almost falling asleep, the inner voice throws the last phrase: "... yes, but not all doctors are veterinarians ..."

Natalya P.

30.11.2004, 18:23

Hurry before it's like in the USA!
When we become like in the USA (and I think it will), patients will remember their connections with a doctor many years ago in order to sue. As in the case of Michael Jackson - some young people remember that 20 years ago when they were children, MJ kind of groped them. Or as with B. Clinton - some lady declared in court that some years ago BC harassed her.

30.11.2004, 23:30

When we become like in the USA (and I think it will), patients will remember their connections with a doctor many years ago in order to sue. As in the case of Michael Jackson - some young people remember that 20 years ago when they were children, MJ kind of groped them. Or as with B. Clinton - some lady declared in court that some years ago BC harassed her.
Therefore, it is better to think about the consequences now. :(
As in the United States, due to our mentality and other reasons, we will never (at least during our lifetime) never. After all, they say what it has come to - a girl, going on a date, takes a receipt from a young man, where he undertakes not to say compliments, not to kiss, etc. They meet further, a new receipt is another portion of restrictions. God forbid if you break it, go to court! Yes, and doctors and patients with their medicine are no longer happy
(see messages on the forum), everyone thinks that the other person has not deceived you and suffers from this in every possible way. This is a dead end for them. Also, the law is not retroactive.

01.12.2004, 14:57

01.12.2004, 15:07

Natalya P.

01.12.2004, 17:24

Yes, we have a hard time with you. Sometimes. :)
We love you too :rolleyes: :rolleyes: (I'm making eyes at you)

01.12.2004, 17:46

Well, it certainly won’t be like in the USA ... But it will be like ours, it doesn’t change the principle - until now, a woman has the right to file a lawsuit for rape if she said “no” while already lying in bed ... And witnesses are not needed; )
And what about rape? It was about the relationship between doctor and patient.

Each of us is a buyer of our own health. It is the patients who directly or through taxes provide salaries to doctors. We want to get results for our money.

What can we expect from a doctor?

1. The amount of information that we want.

This means that we have every right to know our diagnosis, prognosis and alternative treatments, receive the necessary recommendations and know what they are based on.

A fundamentally correct position, but sometimes it is difficult to fulfill it for moral reasons, for example, when a doctor is dealing with a patient whose prognosis for the course of the disease is unfavorable, especially if his relatives ask the doctor not to tell the whole truth.

2. The opportunity to take your time to state your questions and doubts.

If the doctor does not currently have time to answer your questions, ask him to schedule another time for the interview.

3. Possibility of regular communication with the attending physician.

You need to talk to your doctor about the possibility of repeat consultations and decide whether they should be regular or as needed.

4. Participation in decision making - your opinion should be taken into account by the doctor .

The question of who replaces your doctor if he falls ill or is temporarily absent should be resolved.

6. Information about who has the right to access your medical history.

How confidential the information contained in the medical history is, whether the doctor discloses it to your employer, insurance companies or authorities, what obligations he has in this regard.

7. Information about the cost of treatment.

Your doctor should tell you the cost of each item separately so that you know exactly what you are paying for and how much. He should also tell you which of the examinations and treatments your insurance covers.

Be sure to remember this advice, because in our conditions it is especially relevant. Our compulsory health insurance does not cover certain diagnostics and treatments. In addition, although we declare the right of the patient to choose a doctor, insurance companies enter into an agreement only with certain medical institutions, where they send patients. If you contact a medical institution with which your insurance company does not have an agreement, then you will most likely pay out of your own pocket.

8. Guarantee to be accepted at the appointed time.

If the doctor has appointed a specific time of admission, it is necessary that he must be on the spot. An exception, of course, may be urgent calls.

9. The right to choose a doctor.

You have every right to change the doctor if he does not suit you for any reason. At the same time, you must be given all the necessary documents about the examination and treatment.

However, think carefully before you do so. Your new doctor will have to reacquaint himself with everything related to your disease in order to determine the most appropriate treatment for you, medications, which can take quite a long time. Surgeons do not like to perform repeated operations on a patient who has previously been operated on in another institution, and always advise him to go to the place where he had the first intervention.

10. Second opinion.

If the doctor cannot make a diagnosis or you have doubts, you can insist on going to another doctor.

However, remember that some problems may arise due to the fact that among doctors there is no complete unity on many issues.

Doctor's Rights

1. Full frankness of the patient.

Doctors are not telepathic, if you hide anything about your medical history, treatment, or heredity, you should not be expected to get a correct diagnosis. In addition, you may be prescribed the wrong drug to which you are allergic, prescribed the wrong drug, and so on.

People rarely deliberately hide any information about their diseases. Elderly patients often simply forget about how their disease proceeded, what studies were performed, and what treatments were used. Therefore, keep the medical documents issued to you, especially certificates of surgical interventions, and bring them with you to consultations.

2. Mutual courtesy.

Treat your doctor no worse than your business associates. If you have agreed on a consultation, be at the appointed time, if you can not - at least call and warn the doctor about this.

It happens that a patient scheduled for hospitalization, due to some circumstances, cannot come to the hospital at the appointed time. If he does not inform about this in advance, then unnecessary difficulties may arise in the work of doctors, especially if the operation was planned in advance.

3. Consider what you will say to the doctor.

If you are going to an appointment, think over the complaints that you are going to present so that, on the one hand, the doctor does not have to pull them out of you, and on the other hand, do not listen to irrelevant stories for an hour. If you have a bad memory, it is better to write down your complaints so as not to miss important details of the course of the disease.

4. Understand the doctor's questions and answers.

If you don't understand something, ask again. Interrupt, if necessary, the doctor's explanations and ask to state the same in a form more accessible to you. Do not later blame the doctor for giving you insufficient explanations.

Feel free to ask again. It is not at all necessary that your misunderstanding is due to insufficient erudition. It is possible that the doctor is simply not able to formulate his thoughts clearly for you.

5. Do not unnecessarily annoy the doctor.

If you need a medical consultation, try to arrange it in the usual way and come at the appointed time. It is not necessary to constantly call the doctor at home at 4 o'clock in the morning or 10 times a day at work to state each new complaint.

6. Give your doctor enough time to make a diagnosis.

Diagnosis is not immediate. Give the doctor time to conduct the necessary examinations. Don't expect a miracle in fifteen minutes. You will most likely have to reapply after the doctor has all the necessary results of your examination.

Extremely sound advice, try to follow it. Sometimes the patient sincerely wonders why the professor cannot make a diagnosis immediately after he crossed the threshold of his office.

7. Follow your doctor's advice punctually.

Take your medications as prescribed by your doctor, without changing the dose or time of administration. However, if your condition worsens after taking the medicine, inform your doctor immediately.

8. Disagreement with the doctor.

If you think that your interests do not match what the doctor suggests, tell your opinion and give him the opportunity to explain his position. Don't slam the door and threaten to sue the doctor - he might be right.

If you have read in the newspapers about multimillion-dollar lawsuits by patients against doctors that satisfy insurance companies in the West, then remember that this does not apply to us. Even if you sell a Russian doctor with all his property, you can hardly expect to receive any significant sums.

If you violate these provisions, the doctor has every right to refuse to deal with you and suggest that you look for another specialist.

Doctors are educated people who usually love their job, so a relationship with a doctor can be a wonderful experience. In this case, certain difficulties may arise. Spending time together will not always be possible, as doctors have variable work schedules. It is important to understand that their plans can change frequently. The life of a doctor is full of stress, so at the end of the day, help your partner de-stress. Review your own priorities. Your relationship with a doctor may be different than romantic relationships with other professions.

Steps

Part 1

spend time together

Be flexible. Doctors are often very busy, especially when working in a hospital. Occasionally have to work weekends and non-holidays. If you are going to see a doctor, it is important to understand that plans can sometimes be cancelled.

Plan back-up dates. Set aside a few free times a week in which you will be ready to meet with a partner.
Discard plans that are difficult to change. So, buying tickets to the theater or to a concert is not a good idea if the partner may have things to do that day. Use more flexible options like dining out at a restaurant, where you usually don't need to reserve a table.

ADVICE OF THE SPECIALIST

Maya Diamond is a dating and relationship coach based in Berkeley, California. She has 7 years of experience helping people with relationship problems gain inner confidence, deal with their past, and build healthy, lasting, loving relationships. She received her master's degree in somatic psychology from the California Institute for Integral Studies in 2009.

Dating and relationship coach

Dating a doctor who has a lot of work can be difficult. Maya Diamond, dating and relationship expert, says: “When you're dating a very busy person, you need to make an effort to spend time together. You may need to plan ahead to be with him, and sometimes you need to plan quickly. However, it is important that your chosen one has enough time and energy for you. If a person is not available physically and emotionally, you will very often be unhappy, upset and lonely.

Don't talk about medicine during dates. Everyone needs a break from work. Doctors are no different and often find it even harder to balance their personal and professional lives. The work of a doctor is stressful, so a person may be inclined to talk a lot about it. Such conversations can only create tension, since not everyone likes to discuss anatomical details. Try to talk about other topics.

Ask your doctor, “How was your day?” is not always a good idea. It is better to choose a different direction of conversation. Discuss your favorite shows or news from the lives of your mutual friends.
It is important to feel the situation. If your partner is having a hard day, they will want to talk about it. Sometimes let him lament over hard work. Try to be an attentive and understanding listener.

Plan meetings around treats. Doctors are often hungry. Long shifts and a large number of patients often do not leave time to eat. If your partner has worked a long shift, you might be better off having a date with delicious treats.
- Make a nice gesture and prepare food for the moment your partner has to get home from work. Spend time in the kitchen or order ready-to-eat meals.
Do not ask to remove the phone. During certain hours, doctors must remain in touch at all times. The reason may be severe patients or a possible call from the hospital. Try to understand the job responsibilities. Leaving your phone on the table during dinner is not always good manners, but in the case of a doctor, the rules of courtesy change.

Learn to spend time alone. If you're dating a doctor, you'll often find yourself alone. You should not count on everyone's attention, so in the evenings you will often have to entertain yourself on your own.
- Spend time with friends. If the partner works in the evening on a day off, then meet friends at this time.
- Find a hobby for yourself. Learn to knit or read books.
- Being alone can be pleasurable. Free time allows you to know yourself and your hobbies.
Part 2
Help relieve stress
1. Watch for signs of stress. Doctors are under a lot of stress. Periodically help your partner relax after work. If left unrecognized, stress can cause tension in a relationship. Learn to recognize the signs of stress in order to effectively deal with such a problem.
  - In case of stress, the partner can be irritated and moody. There may be withdrawal or outbursts of anger and mood swings.
  - In such a situation, you do not need to be angry in response. Quietly ask: “What is bothering you? Is there any way I can help you?"
2. Give support and comfort. If a person is in a bad mood, then we often seek to give him advice. In case of stress, it is always more appropriate to try to comfort your partner. Unsolicited advice can be taken with hostility even with good intentions.
  - Try to get into position. Listen carefully to your partner and speak words of comfort. Say that you are always there and ready to help.
  - If you need to resolve a specific issue, then return to it later. First you need to comfort the person, and then think about the problem. Express your thoughts clearly. Explain that you do not want to command, but to help in finding an effective solution.
3. Offer help. In the early stages of a relationship, the nature of the comfort that a partner needs is not always clear. Ask what is the best thing to do when your partner is depressed. Listen to the answer and treat it with respect.
  - Find out how you can help in this situation. Sometimes it is enough to do simple household chores to alleviate the situation.
  - Your partner's needs may be different from yours. Everyone deals with stress in their own way. It is important to remember that otherwise does not mean bad. Respect your partner's needs.
4. Look for ways to ease tension. If you're seeing a doctor, it's important to act prudently when it comes to stress. The doctor has to deal with excessive stress during working hours, so your help is simply needed. Plan activities to help relieve stress.
  - Sometimes it's good to take a break. Have an evening of movies or your favorite TV shows.
  - Suggest doing meditation or yoga together.
5. Encourage physical activity. Exercise is a great way to deal with stress. So, regular physical activity helps partners avoid many problems in relationships. Go for walks or go to the gym together.
Part 3
Rethink your priorities
1. Focus on the benefits of a relationship with your doctor. Sometimes the situation may seem unbearable to you, but remember the positive aspects. Doctors are usually very smart and attached to their patients. They know how to empathize and perceive their work as a calling. Moreover, you did not just want to meet this particular person. Remember what attracted you when you met and why you value relationships.

For several years now, the topic of the doctor-patient relationship has been gaining more and more attention. The most common complaints are that these relationships are no longer what they used to be, that doctors have lost the ability to sympathize, that in this area, obviously, they do not receive special education.

But is this really the problem? Is it only about education or is it about practical skills and the opportunity to exchange views with colleagues regarding their relationship with patients in certain specific situations? From the experience of conducting educational courses for doctors, we know how interesting it can be to find out what a colleague is doing in a given situation. Participation in the exchange of experience is always preferable to the acquisition of theoretical knowledge: it is more interesting to hear judgments about oneself than just to get acquainted with some "know-how".

We started from specific, frequently occurring situations proposed by a group of medical practitioners and relevant to daily practice.

This is not about ready-made recipes that can be mechanically used in a given situation, but about sentences and judgments that can become, so to speak, the key to a cipher. Everyone can judge the appropriateness of the proposed situations, taking into account their own practical experience.

And the last thing: since we are practicing doctors ourselves, we know how we do not have enough time to read even interesting books! For this reason, we have tried to be as concise as possible. Each chapter of this book can be read in a few minutes, regardless of whether the others have been read. Because, once again, we did not aim to provide exhaustive information and delve into the subject in detail: we only wanted to provide an incentive to think about your practice.

Situations related to patient behavior
“Doctor, things are really bad, terribly bad, terribly!”

Of course, in the hope of getting help in solving their problems, all patients go to the doctor with complaints. But among them there are those who come to the reception with the sole purpose of expressing their complaints. The fact that a person sits in front of them, whose duty is to listen and alleviate the suffering of another, is an irresistible temptation for them.

What are patients complaining about?

It is clear that the causes for complaints are innumerable, but they can be divided into three broad categories:

complaints about "internal" factors associated with illness or social conditions (suffering, difficulties, loneliness);
complaints about "external" factors related to the environment (society, family, young people, neighbors, ..);
complaints of an "interactive" nature related to medical procedures (side effects during treatment, doctor's behavior ...).

Of course, these problems may be real, but there are undoubtedly patients who, when faced with the same difficulties, are much more likely to complain than others.

What is the function of complaints?

In general, each complaint should be considered as a message. The problem is to correctly decipher its meaning.

Does the patient want advice, or does he just need to be listened to and expressed sympathy?
Is he complaining in order to reproach the doctor for something?
Isn't the complaint a "helping hand" to the doctor, to help him ask questions about a problem that he himself did not dare to ask directly?

Even if there are "Chronic Complainers", every complaint should be treated with respect, at least initially: it should be shown that the patient is given the right to complain, that the doctor makes an effort to understand him and wants to help him.

Some strategies for dealing with complaints

1. Empathy (empathy)

Empathy is a general attitude, both psychologically and behaviorally, expressed in respect for the point of view of another person, even if this point of view is not shared. This position, for example, can be expressed in such a response to a patient complaining about treatment: “I see that the side effects have brought you embarrassment, I understand that you are a little disappointed. But at the same time, I think it's the best treatment available, and here's why. In the first sentence, the doctor shows that he does not question the complaint itself and that he understands the patient's emotional reaction (disappointment). By acting in this way, he increases the chances that the patient will listen to him when he makes his arguments.

2. General approach

Paradoxically, it is sometimes a good tactic to inquire about the presence of other complaints before discussing the one already expressed, because this avoids a game of verbal ping-pong like: “Okay, doctor, but there is also this, this and this.”

After listening to the complaint, the doctor may begin to ask questions: “I agree, I see. Are there other problems?

After “managing” complaints, the doctor can proceed to a “global restructuring”. For example, regarding complaints about side effects: “Okay, we have already talked about the problems that you had to face because of the treatment, and what you can think about it. But we have not yet talked about the benefits that the treatment has brought. Did it benefit you?" By acting in this way, the doctor increases the likelihood that the patient will positively evaluate the main result of the treatment, which could not be expected before the dialogue about his complaints.

ERRORS TO AVOID IN RESPONSE TO COMPLAINTS

Patient complaint:

“Doctor, this is terrible, after you changed my treatment, I feel worse and worse.”

Possible (but undesirable!) answers:

Ignoring a Complaint:"Um...yeah, but what about SLEEP?"
"Legitimization" of the complaint:“That's how! We need to reconsider all this, the treatment will be changed again. We'll see...."
Correction of the content of the complaint:“I understand, but you always exaggerate a little. You look really good…”
Aggressiveness:“You are always dissatisfied. Whatever it was, but in your case there is only this type of treatment ... "

3. Advice after listening to complaints

After any dialogue in connection with the complaint, it is better for the doctor to avoid giving advice or expressing his point of view. The patient cannot immediately approve the doctor's position and advice: the negative emotional charge of the complaint, as a rule, does not allow one to immediately agree with a different point of view. That is why advice and arguments for "correcting" the patient's opinion should sound like assumptions: "This is how things seem to me, taking into account my experience. I suggest you think about it, and we'll talk about it later."
Is it always necessary to listen and express support for a complaint?

It has been thought for a long time (and this point of view has been supported by various schools of psychiatry) that the patient's desire to express his complaints should be systematically encouraged. Many of the types of psychotherapy, however, amounted to years (!) of the patient complaining about his past or present in the face of a doctor who was silent.

Today it is believed that complaints, of course, should be listened to and treated with respect, but they should not be unduly encouraged. The more a person complains, the more he gets used to responding to his problems in this way, at the expense of more effective psychological or behavioral attitudes.

In the case of chronic complaints that are not directed against the doctor, it is sometimes worth entering into a dialogue by asking the patient the question: “Does it bring you relief in the depths of your soul that you are telling me your complaints?”.
"Come in when you want to take a glass of aperitif, doctor!"

People of all professions make friends at work. Why should this be forbidden to a doctor? Why can't we make friends with our patients? If a real friendship can be born as a result of a consultation in a doctor's office, then, as we will see, the issue becomes delicate and requires an approach taking into account some nuances. Here we will talk about rather intimate friendships that have arisen at the initiative of a doctor or patient, for example, with an invitation to visit one's home, participation in family life. In contrast, situations arising from attending the same sports club or attending the same events are unavoidable, especially in smaller towns, but they do not in themselves constitute an attempt to make friends if the contacts remain purely cordial. .

Why do patients want to penetrate the doctor's private life?

Here are a few reasons why a patient might want to make friends with a doctor.

Confidant

Sometimes the doctor appears as one of the few persons with whom the patient can speak freely. The experience of intimacy with friends may cause our patient to consider you as a new friend, and he will offer him what friends offer: an invitation to dinner, an offer to participate in entertainment, gifts.

Selfish Relationships

The doctor may appear to the patient as a prestigious acquaintance, so the patient will seek to bring some of this prestige into his social life.

Manipulation

Some people seek to make friends with a doctor out of a more or less conscious desire to secure future privileges (easier appointments, pay benefits, friendship-based referrals).

Gratitude

Some patients may feel grateful to their doctor, with the feeling that they have a "duty" to the doctor. They will offer the doctor what they consider most valuable: their friendship, their reception in their family, their participation in leisure activities.

natural affections

For example, a doctor and a patient would become friends even if they had met under different circumstances, in different occupations. Of course, this happens, and we will look at how to avoid trouble in such situations.

What are the risks of friendship with a patient?

You risk getting involved in relationships that will become difficult to maintain over time.

What happens after the feeling of pleasure from the first meetings outside the doctor's office has passed, and you find that your patient and his family members are not as funny as they seemed before? Don't forget: it's usually harder (and more painful for the patient) to cool an existing relationship than not to start it from the start.

The patient gets the opportunity to manipulate you

If you've had the misfortune of becoming friends with a manipulative patient, you run the risk of him asking you more and more frequently. For example, calling you on a Sunday morning for medical advice or a real consultation at the end of breakfast, will ask you to issue him a certificate or certificate that you are not authorized to issue, and finally will ask you to urgently arrange for the placement of his demented grandmother in any institution.

Unbalanced relationship

Too much difference in social position between the doctor and the patient, different emotional needs are some of the risk factors that will be difficult to manage when establishing a friendly relationship with your patient.

Difficult situations

If you make friends with your patient, you will get to know his family, wife, children. How will you feel when you see your hypercholesterolemia patient eating too much butter at the family table? And if you keep his diagnosis - lung cancer - a secret - how will you put on a good face at dinner when your wife, who knows nothing about the diagnosis, begins to tell you about the family's plans for future years? And what about alcoholic or seropositive patients? There are pathologies that are difficult for a doctor to deal with even in his office. Does he overestimate his strength when he thinks that it will be easier to cope with this in social life?

Money problems

Money is often a source of embarrassment when friendship and caring get mixed up. Won't your patient friend think he can use your services for free? What to do if at the end of the consultation he warmly thanks you and leaves without paying?

Deterioration in the quality of services

This is the last of the risks, and it is the most important one for us doctors to consider. Friendships that are not good enough or poorly balanced create difficulties that are likely to affect the objectivity of our diagnoses, the quality of therapeutic services, and the doctor-patient relationship that we must maintain.

Finally, even with a successful friendship, there is a risk of getting an unsatisfactory result. A friend should not be asked certain questions or given instructions, he should not be examined as an ordinary patient. Moreover, in this case, it will be more difficult for both to survive errors in diagnosis and treatment. However, this problem can also arise from the other side, since some of our friends want us to accept them as patients ...

How to refuse friendship without causing offense?

If you come to the conclusion that it is better not to respond to your patient's offer of friendship, then how to refuse friendship without causing offense? Suppose a patient has invited a doctor to dinner... Here are some strategies for deferring with respect:

Show that you are touched by the patient's attention: "I am touched that you invited me, and I see this as evidence that you trust me."

Refuse and explain why: “Unfortunately, I cannot accept your invitation, because I want to remain a good doctor for you, I must play my part and not mix it with others.”

End on a positive note: “I'm sure you'll understand what I'm trying to say. It is not easy for me to refuse you, but I want to remain your best doctor as far as possible.

It may happen that, despite your efforts, your interlocutor will be somewhat offended by your refusal. It's unfortunate, but it's still better for both of you than getting into a relationship that becomes difficult and unstable.

What if friendship seems possible?

However, you may come to the conclusion that it is possible to enter into friendly relations with some of your patients. In this case, do not forget that there may come a time when it would be wise to advise your friend to consult with your colleague in the future. And explain the reason: even if successful, friendship can make it difficult for the doctor to make a diagnosis and choose therapeutic agents, which is to the detriment of the patient who has become our friend.

SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF...

What are the possible reasons that push this patient to offer me his friendship?
What reasons do I want to accept this friendship?
What happens if I get disappointed in a relationship?
If we had met under different circumstances, would we have become friends or not?

Answering “yes” to the last question may be the only reasonable reason to develop a friendship with a patient, provided that you guarantee the quality of services that he will receive continuously.
Situations related to medical practice
"Do I really need to take this medicine?"

"The doctor should be aware that patients often lie when they say they have taken medication." This quote from the writings of Hippocrates reminds us that physicians have always faced the problem of patients not following their prescriptions. A recent survey conducted by SCREZ showed that

58.6% of patients distort doctors' prescriptions
of these, 21.5% do not follow dosages or instructions regarding the number of medications to be taken
37% - do not take treatment for the recommended time (as a rule, they reduce this time).

Well, what about other numbers? It is estimated that after one month, 10% to 15% of patients suffering from hypertension do not follow the doctor's instructions exactly.

Another study showed that a proportion of patients with depression receive treatment for only 3 weeks, although they should receive it for many months.

Regarding the treatment of the upper respiratory tract with antibiotics, the survey showed that 36% of patients do not follow the instructions for their treatment properly.

Reasons for non-compliance with doctor's orders

There are four main categories of reasons for non-compliance with doctor's orders.

Causes related to the drug: side effects (it is usually better to warn patients about these effects from the very beginning); prescribing treatment for a long time (in this case, the best results are when the medicines are taken once a day).
Causes related to the patient's personality: negative / objecting personalities or people who listen to the "good advice" of others.
Illness-Related Causes: Chronic illnesses can lead to fatigue and forgetfulness, sometimes even unconscious rejection of illness.
Causes related to the relationship between the doctor and the patient, and a good relationship contributes to the implementation of the doctor's prescriptions.

self control

To understand the reasons for following or not following doctor's orders, you need to understand the concept that psychologists call self-control. “Self-control” refers to the ability of a particular individual to perform some action with the aim of obtaining a benefit in the long term without necessarily obtaining a benefit in the short term (for example, when a student makes an effort since September to pass an exam in June, or a young woman immediately denies himself confectionery to lose weight by summer). Not everyone is endowed with the ability of self-control to the same extent, and this ability is closely related to psychological and educational factors.

On the other hand, certain circumstances, by their nature, suppress this ability, because they lead to discouragement. Such circumstances are chronic and asymptomatic diseases. In this case, it is difficult to see the result of regular treatment (taking medications and following some kind of diet), regimen or hygiene rules, because:

the benefits will be in the distant future (but today you need to make efforts to achieve results in a few months or even years);
the benefit may be abstract (not getting sick for several years);
the benefit may be hypothetical (reduce risk without absolute certainty of a protective effect).

That is why the doctor should make life easier for the patient, including in relation to self-control. This does not mean that he should lecture the patient ("Be reasonable, it's for your good") or teach him how to live ("I know what's good for you, and you should obey me"). Such statements may in some cases be effective in the short term, but these strategies have not been proven to be effective in the long term.

The evolution of the doctor-patient relationship

Gone are the days when medical prescriptions were an unconditional order for the patient. Today, doctor's prescriptions are more like diplomatic agreements than imperative recommendations...

It can be stated that the doctor-patient relationship falls into one of three categories:

"With a pedagogical bias":"I will explain to you what you must do, it will be enough if you follow my advice."

"Relations of the type of cooperation":“Here are my tips for your case: do you think they are feasible?”.

None of these types of relationships can claim absolute superiority: the authoritarian attitude is adopted in emergency situations and in short-term treatment, while pedagogical relationships are well suited for initial consultations. Each of these attitudes has its limits: for example, it is known that the most informed patients are not necessarily the best ones to follow the doctor's orders. But, undoubtedly, a collaborative mindset offers the best prospects for long-term compliance with the doctor's prescriptions.

Strategy for Better Compliance

The role of the doctor cannot be reduced to making a diagnosis and prescribing treatment, the doctor must also ensure that the patient complies with his prescriptions. To paraphrase Clemenceau (“War is too serious a thing to be left to the military”), compliance with prescriptions is too serious a problem to be left to the patient.

Time must be taken to ascertain whether the prescriptions are being followed. Ideally, you should follow the three-thirds rule whenever possible. A third of the time should be devoted to clinical examination, a third to conversation, and a third to writing prescriptions and related activities (“accompaniment”). You need to reserve time to explain how to follow the prescription, to reveal what the patient is silent. In this case, the likelihood that the patient will follow the doctor's prescriptions exactly is greater than in the case when the prescription is written out at the very end.

Managing the process of formulating medical recommendations

The management of this process is based on simple pedagogical principles: inform the patient about his problem and treatment, remind him of the need for regular treatment, reveal what the patient is hiding, and discuss it with him seriously and without criticism. In addition to the prescription, life hygiene rules, etc., should be discussed. Sometimes it may be useful to increase the patient's involvement in treatment, for example, by asking him to choose a form of the drug among many forms ("Which syrup do you prefer: strawberry or orange?").

Every doctor should proceed from the fact that it may not seem obvious to the patient the need to comply with medical prescriptions for many years.

Therefore, it is useful to ask him questions on this topic regularly, while expressing empathy: “I know that it is not easy to receive treatment in a regular way. Do you sometimes get bored and stop treatment for a while?

In this way, you will get more truthful answers than if you simply ask: "Do you take medication every day?". What can the patient answer, except: "Yes, of course, doctor."

WHAT NOT TO DO WHEN GIVING INSTRUCTIONS OR RECOMMENDATIONS:

Write a prescription in the style of "leave quickly", assuming that the patient agrees with this: "Okay, here, take all this and let me know."
Present the act of issuing prescriptions as an act of asserting one's authority: "Do you trust me or not?"
To be intolerant of the fact that the patient doubts something or asks questions: “Do you want to get well, yes or no?”.
Do not inform about possible side effects or inform about them without leaving time to reassure the patient: “It will make you sick, but it's not scary. Until next week".
Criticize the patient immediately after he confesses that he did not follow the medical instructions.
Having found difficulties, limit yourself to persuasion to begin treatment again, without finding out exactly the reasons why the patient did not comply with the prescriptions.

A strategy to improve patient compliance requires:

do not forget that the patient is more anxious and less informed about his disease and treatment than the doctor;
allocate sufficient time to explain medical recommendations (after explaining the pathology);
give clear explanations (dosage, hours of administration, duration of treatment, side effects and behavior) taking into account the level of understanding of the patient;
present things as positively as possible: focus on the effectiveness of treatment, the absence or reversibility of side effects, etc.;
check how well the patient understood the instructions and agrees with them, and more often make sure of this by asking him questions;
actively investigate whether the patient is silent about anything that has happened since the start of treatment;
regularly check how the patient complies with the doctor's prescriptions in case of chronic diseases and devote special time to this.

"I want a clear answer, doctor!"

The modern practitioner, of course, never claims to be called a sage or a scientist, but in essence he is a "representative of science" in the field of "integrative" medicine, a researcher in everyday life. And to represent science today means, more than ever, to know the limits of its possibilities. But how to talk about it with the patient?
When is it useful to talk about your limits?

Most often, such situations arise when it comes to forecasts: when patients ask a doctor about the future, in many cases it is difficult to be sure.

What to say to a depressed patient asking if he will relapse; a cancer patient who wants to know how much he has left to live; parents who ask about the prospects for the mental development of a child with congenital cerebral insufficiency?

The doctor faces two problems. On the one hand, he is not sure what will happen, and there are no reliable statistics. On the other hand, he feels that he is not just being asked a technical question, but they want to hear words of reassurance, and often there is a tendency to give hope at the risk of lying a little, than to express conviction in a negative course of events. At the same time, he can remain confident that he is simply doing his job and protecting the patient's identity from traumatic information. But today information is becoming more and more accessible. Therefore, there is a risk that the doctor will have to deal with numbers or data that the patient finds himself. Of course, the time when the patient blindly trusted the doctor is gone: gradually, patients begin to consider doctors as providers of medical services, and often look elsewhere for clarifications or answers to questions that they did not receive...

Why is it difficult for a doctor to admit to the limitations of his knowledge and abilities, while it is difficult for a patient to hear about it?

Recognizing the limitations of one's knowledge and capabilities means, to some extent, abandoning the role of an expert, especially if the doctor's usual communication style is based on the "trust me" formula. Renunciation of "omnipotence" therefore may seem not only as a wound to self-esteem, but also cause fear that the patient will listen less to the opinion and advice of the doctor and follow his prescriptions to a lesser extent.

Equally, some patients may feel uneasy if the doctor says "I don't know." Either due to the fact that, from their point of view, the doctor is a professional who should have answers to all questions, or due to their concern about the disease, when any ambiguity is alarming. Thus, hypochondriac patients have a hard time accepting the idea that medicine is not an exact science capable of explaining why they experience certain sensations at any given moment.

How to tell the patient about the limits of your knowledge?

In my time:

regularly remind the patient that, despite progress, medicine still does not give answers to all questions;
not to be annoyed by discovering the fact that the patient already has information that the doctor does not yet have;
build a relationship with the patient

What to answer the patient's questions?

Recognize the patient's right and need to know what is going to happen, and take the floor first ("I am well aware that it is important for you to know what may happen").
Demonstrate your active participation (“I would also like to tell you this”).
Emphasize your limits (“But today this is something that cannot be said with certainty”).
Show what is known at the moment (“Nevertheless, here is what can be said about many people”).
Indicate the patient's active role in their care. (“But it also depends on how much you follow medical prescriptions, how you organize your life ...”).
Assure the patient of your support (“In any case, I will try to answer your questions and give you my advice ...”).

Return to basics?

Paradoxically, the expansion of medical knowledge narrows the limits of medical knowledge: today it is impossible to have comprehensive knowledge in the field of therapy of both a specific disease and a specific patient. In difficult moments of your clinical practice, an appeal to the humility of doctors of the past can help, and we cannot but quote the famous phrase of Ambroise Pare; "I bandaged him, God cured him."

WHAT SHOULD YOU AVOID IN FACE OF THE PATIENT?

The desire to answer all questions: "Trust me, and everything will be fine."
Reject all the patient's doubts: "But don't ask all these questions."
Overemphasize your doubts: to say "I don't know" does not necessarily mean to resort to subterfuge, to hesitate, not to dare to make a decision.

Physician related situations
"Doctor, I'm under stress right now!"

"Me too!" - the practitioner often wants to answer. In most cases, the survey of general practitioners confirms that their profession is associated with stress, which affects their health. Are there any rules for better protection against occupational stress?

Signs of stress

Stress is not a disease, but nevertheless it can become pathogenic if it is excessive or continuous. What signs can be used to determine that a critical threshold has been reached? Signs of stress are classified into four broad categories:

Physical signs: muscle tension, high blood pressure, chest tightness...

Behavioral signs: a tendency to speed up one's activities, trying to do several things at the same time (writing and opening one's correspondence while on the phone, making phone calls while driving a car, reading on the go...), making mistakes or missteps.

Psychological signs: feeling overwhelmed, being under pressure (in this case they talk about “mental stress”), feeling that everyone is attacking you or haunting you (even in banal situations when they prevented you from talking on the phone or when you need to give someone then explanations...).

Emotional signs: increasing irritability, pessimism, loss of interest in what usually aroused interest.

If these symptoms are persistent or occur frequently, they should be treated as warning signs that should be taken into account urgently: Do you keep driving when a lot of red lights on the dashboard light up?
Risks associated with stress

Stress-related risks can also be roughly divided into four broad categories;

Health: today it is known that poorly managed stress affects health, contributes to the decompensation of problems that have arisen before, and the vulnerability of the individual. The effect of stress is still poorly understood. Of course, there is the mediation of the immune system (repeated reactions to stress alter the immune response) and hormones (stress, disrupts the secretion of endogenous corticosteroids).

Personal performance: if in small doses stress can increase personal productivity, then above a certain threshold, on the contrary, stress reduces creativity, flexibility (the ability to retreat in time), entails logical errors.

The quality of relationships with other people: relationships are often the first victim of stress due to bias due to the hostile emotions that often accompany stress (increased conflict, increased intolerance of irritants and criticism).

Well-being and comfort: in a stressful state, a person gets less pleasure and feels less pleasure, his feeling of general good condition and comfort changes; stress increases his tendency to anxiety and depression.

Some Ways to Directly Manage Stress

Become aware of how your body reacts to stress
As a rule, the individual discovers too late that he is in a stressful state, based on the reaction of irritability or pain associated with muscle tone.
Use momentary relaxation
Relaxation should not be considered only as a method of recuperation after a day full of stress, but should be practiced throughout the day in the form of small exercises lasting from one to two minutes.
Make sure you are in the most comfortable position.
Lower (relax) your shoulders and jaws.
Slow down and deepen your breathing, try breathing from your belly without taking large breaths (exhale to the end, then relax your muscles without making an effort to inhale ...).
Take regular breaks
The natural inclination of a person who is under stress is the desire to "string" one thing on another. For example, invite a patient to enter immediately after the previous one has left the office. In such a situation, there is no possibility for decompression. A good way to prevent excess stress is to take a one to two minute break between appointments to rest (mini-relax, stretch, etc.). The "lost" time is largely compensated by increased productivity, improved overall well-being and a sense of comfort at the end of the working day.
Try to reserve a free space in your working day
If possible, it is useful to systematically set aside half an hour (without meetings) in the middle of the day in advance in order to prepare for possible urgent or unforeseen situations. Even if there are no such situations, how nice it is to have half an hour at your disposal to put everything you have written in order!

desirable and possible

We are aware that all the advice given here is from among those that are called "good advice", that is, those with which; 1) everyone agrees and... 2) lament that there is no time to follow them. But should they be abandoned? Or is it better to try to gradually introduce them into practice, at least on the days when this can be done?

Some ways to manage stress long-term

The first stage is, of course, thinking about what factors are stressful.

What stressful situations can be avoided, which ones can be avoided? Aren't there a number of prescriptions to which one would have to say "no"? For example, from among those that are not necessary for financial and personal balance? Time management is based largely on stating the fact that before doing a task, we must ask ourselves three questions; is it possible to refuse it? Pass it on to someone else? Complete it in less time?

Develop stress "moderators"

It is not always possible to avoid stress factors. In this case, you need to make sure that you have enough funds at your disposal to resist stress. These tools are called "moderators" and their effectiveness has been confirmed in many studies. For example, social support: when in the face of big and small difficulties that you are facing, you use the opportunity to tell another person about your problems, to be listened to and receive advice. Or leisure activities and pleasure: how much time per week do you devote to activities that are enjoyable for yourself, and not activities with the goal of pleasing others? Or engaging in activities that add "value" to your life: people who participate in activities of a sporting or religious nature are known to be more stress-resistant...

WHAT SHOULD YOU AVOID IN THE FACE OF STRESS?

Deny the problem: “Am I stressed? Never!" Stress is easier to deal with when you are aware of its existence.
Deny the possibility of any action: “Nothing can be done, alas, such is our life!”. There are ways to reduce stress that have been evaluated to be effective.
Expect Immediate and Impressive Results: “Despite my best efforts, I felt stressed all the time, so I stopped everything.” Stress management requires training and therefore time. Only after a certain time will this control become effective.
Treat stress with medication without thinking about its causes and our reactions to stress.

Regularly think about your priorities and limitations

Stress management is based on a voluntary attitude. You need to decide what our priorities are, determine the limits of your capabilities, clarify the main points of peace of mind that should be protected in the first place ... Stress all too often stems from the fact that a person forgets about himself in order to satisfy the requests of others. We do not do what benefits us, but only what we are asked to do. A person does not build his life, but only acts in response to requests. This is what the experienced professor wanted to show to the young graduates of the National School of Administration when he filled the vessel in front of them: first with large gravel (“Is the vessel full?” - everyone answered “yes”), then adding smaller pebbles (“Is the vessel full now?” , the disciples were careful and remained silent), and finally, adding fine sand to it, he asked: "What morality can be drawn from this?" The students responded (the professor was teaching time management): "When we use our time, there is always an empty space - even when we think there is none." But the professor objected to them: “No, I wanted to show you something else: if you don’t put large stones in the vessel first, then they won’t enter there. Proceed in the same way in your life: first place your priorities, the big stones, and only then the less important things: there will always be a place for them, because they will slip between the big stones. If you act in the opposite way, there will be no place for large stones in the vessel.