To love God, you need to be vulnerable. Loving God with all your heart: what does it mean?

Below I present the tossing and turning of the soul of one believer - a Christian, who is trying to find in his heart the answer to what kind of relationship with God he prefers, Old Testament or New Testament...

A. Podgorny

The New Testament is painful for man. Defiantly simple, nakedly frank, it - if read carefully - evokes feelings that never arise when reading the Old Testament. The commandments of the Old Testament are strict, orderly, weighed and calculated. The commandments of the New Testament break hearts. Thoughts, feelings and heads break like crystal from this simplicity. And it seems easier to overcome hundreds of commandments-steps from pre-Christ times than to walk along the three steps of Christ’s commandments without stumbling. All at once the railings of the safety of the law disappear, and here are these three simple steps into the sky, but... over the greatest abyss.

Jesus said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind, and thy neighbor as thyself.

It's like a ring, and it compresses. It’s pressing, and it’s unclear where to start and how. How to love like that, and is it possible?! God’s infinite trust in man strikes and stings more than punishment, more than the written law. Trust, ah, this trust is Yours, as if You are not learning anything, Lord... Thousands and thousands of times in the Bible people reject God, thousands and thousands of times they betray him in the most disgusting way. But then Christ comes and says: the first and most important commandment is: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind...”
...I believe, says God, that man can love Me. I believe so unreasonably, so... madly, so... hopelessly that I go to the cross. I believe - says God - I believe until my bones crunch, when nails are driven into My hands. I believe until the sun scorches over the cross, until my dry lips. Until my dying cry... until my death... I believe in love.

Love! How is it?! And what is my whole heart, my whole soul, my whole mind? Love? And who are you and what have you done for me - You, who was somewhere when I suffered so much, You, to whom I never reached out, You, who so indifferently abandoned me in difficult times? Yes, we still need to believe in You... what kind of love can we talk about?!

Your words are impossible, Lord, and love for You is impossible - You are too far, You are too removed from our affairs, You are there, and we are here, and what do we have in common?
But, looking into our eyes, embittered by eternal abandonment of God, and tearing up the Old Testament law of obedience and submission, the Lord says: love, love - as I love you. Do you know how much I love you?

For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life.

All veils are torn apart by a powerful hand. You can look into the eyes of the Living God. But tell me, man, weren’t you more comfortable in the Old Testament? Not stained with the blood of your God?
If someone read and accepted the New Testament - with all the horror of its impossible responsibility and personal standing before God - this does not mean that the whole world was immediately illuminated by the mutual love of man and God. No, it is not enough to convert a people and a country to Christianity - we need to do more - convert every soul. The Old Testament could be concluded with the people - but the New is concluded with each individual, and the former common responsibility suddenly became frighteningly personal... But what should I do now? himself do we need to be responsible for our relationship with you?!

Does the Lord really not know what abandonment and orphan malice the hearts of His people are filled with?
The new covenant is putting your hand in the hand of God. Put it in and shudder when you touch the bleeding wound. Shudder and look into His eyes. Burn yourself with a boiling mixture of love and crazy hope for reciprocity.
Oh God, how painful the New Testament is.
Because what conscience is not twisted in a painful knot by His hope? His insecurity. Reluctance to come victoriously and take. "I love you so madly, says the Lord. So crazy that I leave the choice up to you"".
And the uncertainty of His outstretched hand is more painful than a slap in the face, and the meekest words “I will not judge unless someone believes in Me” are worse than the promises of punishment. Because you have to make the choice yourself: He no longer insists. The time for rigid boundaries is over Old Testament. Now everyone decides for himself, and He does not punish for choosing not in His favor. He only hopes that someone will come. And he waits.

So who doesn’t have a desire to pull out his hand and run away - to run away and hide from his aching conscience, from the understanding of His sacrifice and pain. Because - what is the answer from me? It is scary to admit your unworthiness and almost impossible to suddenly realize that He gives not according to works, but according to His love, because there are no such works...

Give, give us the Old Testament! Give up the distant and formidable God, the God who punishes and fights with His people. Give the commandments of obedience and punishment for them. At least they are understandable. Even though You came and died and rose again, I want to live in the Old Testament, where you have to obey and not love. A world built on obedience is simple and understandable.
Because if I am careful in my life and commandments, I will shield myself from You with my righteousness.
Well, don't look at me It's impossible with yours with loving eyes. Look here - here is the list of my good deeds, here is my alms to Your poor, here is my decency, here are my donations to Your temples, here are my fasts, here are my Saturdays... Don’t look at me like that, I don’t want to understand that You don’t need everything it's that you only need my love.

Let's go to court, Lord, I don't want Your mercy and love, I don't want Your sacrifice - I don't want You, because I don't want to give myself in return. Give me back the Old Testament, where You punished for sin and rewarded for righteousness.
Let's bargain with You, Lord. But don’t lean towards me - after the scourges and the crown of thorns, blood will drip from You onto me. Well, after the denials and general laughter, after the resounding slaps in the face, I will spit at Your feet. You will endure... You have endured so much...

Because I love you such- and not the great, distant and incomprehensible - mortally scary. Relaxed love for a distant God has nothing in common with the crazy whirlwind that love for You will spin. Because it’s time to cry, it’s time to fall at Your pierced feet and not remembering to kiss Your wounds, it’s time to clutch your head, remember your sins and die of shame.

Do you want anything for yourself, Lord?
Something with which I could earn Your love and salvation! Even a shadow of reproach in Your eyes, Lord, a shadow of discontent, which can be dispelled by all efforts and entreaties. Yes, to what poverty are you stooping, Lord, from what ashes are you raising... and my pride needs to survive this and come to terms with it...

No, let there be a deal again - I give you repentance, atonement and apology, You give me forgiveness. I don't need all of You, I don't need cleansing of shame, happiness mutual love with You - but only the confidence that in any case everything will be fine with me. Again and again - I want Your gifts, not You. That which is from You - and not from You. I don’t need Your sacrifice, I don’t need Your blood - I want to enjoy Your gifts and that’s the only way I will accept You. Without Your gifts, I do not need Your sacrifice or Your love.

Give me gifts, arrange my little world with pierced hands - and I will try not to see the wounds. Take care of my comfort, Lord, and stand aside yourself: when everything is fine with me, I won’t even look at You, but if trouble comes, You will be the first to blame. And I don’t even want to think about how much you love and how much it aches Your heart about my indifference and my reproaches.

Are Your gifts placed higher and valued more than Your blood and Your death?!!

Who, except the Lover, could so humble himself and humiliate himself so much in order to make his sacrifice optional a choice for everyone free choice?

Your blood is dripping onto the ground, You stand and silently listen to me, and I mutter these bargainings of mine, calculating what Your forgiveness and a quiet life will cost me. What should I give up, and what should I be allowed to leave in order not to have problems later... Come on, lower Your outstretched hand, lower your all-loving eyes. Hide Your wounds from me, obscure the memory of them.

I don’t believe in You, I don’t believe in You - so that with the same ease I can throw reproaches and insults into the sky. Where have you been? Well, where have you been? And I retreat into a cozy, lived-in world where You cannot go.
Because if I fall in love with You, my questions, of course, will disappear, and the abyss between us will disappear. I will understand everything too well, looking into Your eyes. I will understand so much that I won’t even glance at the cooled joys and values, at the sweetness of sin, at the pleasure of resentment, at the delight of reproach. You are the answer to all questions, and I so want to ask them - and not receive an answer. Either there is no God, or He is guilty before me. To love, what else... It's so difficult - to give all of yourself and leave nothing for yourself.

Who wore the crown of thorns - of course You can give everything. But how scary it is to admit to yourself that, in fact, I don't need anything but You. Crucified on the cross - how to ask You for something other than Yourself?
Ask for the Kingdom of Heaven - You said - and the rest will be added to you. We translated this as “give us everything and more, and you will somehow add to it.”
And how can we learn to understand that Your Kingdom, for which You called to pray, is awareness of Your love in the heart. Constant, enduring memory of this love, and joy about it. This means complete trust in You, which means love.

In previous chapters, we examined that “New Testament” freedom, grace and faith cannot completely replace or abolish the commandments of God’s law. Now let us return again to the commandments proclaimed by Jesus. Among others, today there is a common misconception that Christ did not abolish, but simply replaced the entire law of God with two new commandments about love for God and people. However, this is not the case. Let's analyze the famous words of Jesus Christ:

“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind: this is the first and greatest commandment; the second one is similar to it: love your neighbor as yourself"(Matt. 22:37-39, see also Mark 12:30,31).

Now let's look at this saying of Christ in the context of the biblical narrative. In chapter 22 of the Gospel of Matthew v. 35, 36 and in the 12th chapter of the Gospel of Mark vv. 28 is described as a lawyer (in the Gospel of Mark - a scribe), that is, a person who knows and teaches the law of Moses, wanting tempt Jesus asked Him: "Which greatest commandment in law?» (in the Gospel of Mark: "Which first of all the commandments?). It was to this question that Christ answered the above famous phrase, calling the first and greatest commandments in the law. And then in the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus continued: "On these two commandments all the law and the prophets are confirmed» (Matthew 22:40), and in the Gospel of Mark: "Other greater than these there is no commandment"(Mark 12:31).

For a person who knows the Old Testament Scripture, it is absolutely clear that here we're talking about about two commandments of the Law of Moses from among the 613 mitzvot. The scribe asked Christ a provocative question, expecting an opportunity to criticize His answer in order to undermine Jesus' authority in the eyes of the people. But Christ did not allow him to do this, citing the two most important commandments of Scripture:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.”(Deut. 6:5) - the 3rd commandment from the “do” category in the list of Jewish mitzvot.

"Love your neighbor as yourself"(Lev. 19:18) - the 206th commandment from the same category.

Look, then Jesus in the Gospel of Matthew (22:40) said that these two commandments are based All The Word of God given before through the prophets and law Moses (see Matt. 22:40), and in the Gospel of Mark - that these commandments in Scripture are the most important (see Mark 12:31). Christ did not even say a word about the abolition of the remaining commandments of the Old Testament Scripture. This becomes obvious from the first careful reading of Jesus' statement without taking it out of context. Christ spoke only about priority these two commandments in relation to the other instructions of the law of Moses. This conclusion is confirmed by the reaction of the scribe – the author of the question. To his specific question to Jesus, he received a comprehensive answer that satisfied him. Continuing the thought of Christ, the scribe compared these commandments of Scripture with others:

“Okay, Teacher! You have spoken the truth, that there is only God and there is no other besides Him; and to love Him with all your heart and with all your mind, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and to love your neighbor as yourself, eat the most burnt offerings and sacrifices» (Mark 12:32,33).

It is also worth noting that Jesus mentioned one of these two commandments earlier, quoting the law of Moses:

"You heard, what was said: love your neighbor"(Matt. 5:43, see also Matt. 19:19).

And in the Gospel of Luke, the two commandments given were no longer quoted by Jesus, but by the lawyer. He asked Christ a question: “What must I do to inherit eternal life?” To which Jesus said to him: “What does the law say? How do you read?. And then the lawyer named two well-known commandments of the Old Testament, which for some reason now some believers attribute to Christ: “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself.”. Jesus approved of his answer: “You answered correctly; do this and you will live"(See Luke 10:25-28).

That is, Jesus did not come up with two new commandments, and did not cancel with them the entire law given to Moses by the Lord on Mount Sinai. Christ only named the most important commandments in it, directing people to essentially always existing eternal teaching God. Dear Christian, if you have discovered this fact for the first time, or have not thought about it before, I urge you to analyze the statement you read again and draw the appropriate conclusion.

Previously, we compared the law of God with the legislation of the state, where the Decalogue is a constitution, and the remaining commandments of the law of Moses are codes. In this diagram, the two commandments that Jesus called the most important are above the constitution. They can be compared to the principle, basis government structure. Main features and essence a democratic state is: 1) real representative democracy and 2) ensuring the rights and freedoms of man and citizen. And the essence of God’s teaching is: 1) genuine, sincere love for the Creator and trust in Him; 2) selfless love for people.

After Jesus, the apostles continued to preach the principle and essence of God's law:

« Love there is performance law» (Rom. 13:10).

"For all law in one word is: love your neighbor as yourself"(Gal. 5:14, see also Rom. 13:8).

Now look at what the Apostle John said about the relationship between the love of God and the fulfillment of His commandments:

"It is love of God, that we kept His commandments; And His commandments are not difficult» (1 John 5:3, see also 2 John 1:6).

What commandments is John talking about here? If Jesus left only two commandments, “love for God” and “love for people,” then why did John name one of them - "love of God", about the second commandment "love your neighbor" speaks in plural: "Keep the commandment And His, ... commandments And Its not heavy And» ? And in Rev. John 22:14,15 contrasts fornicators, idolaters, sorcerers... those who do injustice, those who keep the commandments God's. Of course, here the apostle speaks of the need for a Christian compliance all active commandments Creator. Paul also spoke about the many commandments in