The daughter doesn't like her mother. Daughter doesn't like mother

Not every mother can give love. This happens not because she really doesn’t love, but because... Why this happens and what to do about it - read the article.

No matter what request the client comes to therapy with, sooner or later, a mother figure appears in his request. It is to her that the most feelings are directed. It is from her that you most want love. But not every mother can give love. This happens not because she really doesn’t love, but because...

What prevents a mother from loving her daughter and how to change it?

Eat different reasons for this “because”, for example, the character traits of the mother, the story of her life. If a mother has lost someone she loved very much, she can forever close her heart to love, protecting it from pain.

Affects the mother’s behavior and her upbringing model. For example, if a woman was raised by a cold mother, she will be cold towards her own child.

A mother may be in a family situation and perceive herself as not a mother., and, for example, his daughter’s younger sister or even her child.

There may be other reasons for mom’s coldness, there are a lot of them...

Many clients dream of their mother coming to therapy and miraculously changing. However, in practice, this happens very rarely.

One day one of my clients, twenty-seven-year-old Valya, came to a constellation with her mother. Mom became “curious” to participate in this form of group work, to see “what it is and how it works.”

In addition to visiting a psychologist, Valya reads a lot of psychological literature, trying to understand herself and her relationship with her mother. In her words, mom demands a lot, NEVER praises, notices ONLY shortcomings, it is IMPOSSIBLE to imagine mom as warm, hugging, giving. Mom works as a teacher, she has always given and continues to give a lot of effort and time to other children, helps anyone who wants it. ANYONE, but not her, her only daughter.

- How I wish my mother would change. She said that she was ashamed, she regretted her coldness. And if we went back in time, everything would be different. She would have taken little me in her arms, hugged me, rocked me, whispering in my ear that I was the most beautiful, smart, good, beloved, my mother’s dearest girl.

And so Mom came to the constellations... I will call her that - Mom with a capital M. She turned out to be a slender, young and sensitive woman. The mother watched her daughter's constellation, and then participated in the roles of substitutes in two other constellations. Both times she had to replace women who had lost contact with their mothers. Connecting with the fate of women unknown to her, Mom also mourned her own fate, which was surprisingly similar to those she was asked to live.

And then Mom wanted to come for an individual consultation.

- I know that I am a cold mother, I love my girl very much, but I don’t dare say anything good to her, my hands give up when I want to hug her. I want to change this.

Mom’s closest connection turned out to be with her maternal ancestors. She was even named after her grandmother – my mother’s mother. Mom told horror stories about his grandmother, who was given in marriage as a very young girl; the groom was almost thirty years older. The bride's father stood behind her with a whip; the girl did not want to marry the “old man.” She was not even happy that the groom had a mill and a strong farm.

The young wife “accidentally” crushed her first daughter, a baby, in her sleep, the second one “unsuccessfully” dropped on the floor while feeding, our Mother’s mother was born in a field and “forgotten” under a bush. True, the father quickly found the child and brought the girl into the house. The grandmother had to come to terms with the appearance of her daughter, and then twelve more children were born.

After the revolution, my grandmother and grandfather were dispossessed and exiled from the center of Russia to the far north, however, on the way, a paper arrived allowing them to return to their previous place of residence. It turns out that fellow villagers took care of the family; both the grandfather and grandmother were very kind to the people living nearby and never refused anything to their neighbors.

- Isn’t your desire to help everyone around you from where you come from, or from this story? It turns out that the grandmother’s family was saved thanks to the help of fellow villagers?

- I never thought about it like that. Your assumption resonates with me. It looks like it is. It’s as if some force is forcing me to help everyone around me, as if someone is whispering: “You won’t survive without this.”

Then Mom talks about her mother, who loved one guy, and for some reason married another.

I have never heard a kind word from her towards her husband – my father. “You’re not sitting like that, not like that you say, you do the wrong thing,” etc. Constant dissatisfaction both by them and by me. And she is kind to those around her, everyone loves her. At first, the mother was unable to give birth to a child; several pregnancies ended in miscarriages. Then a girl was born, lived for several hours and died. When my mother became pregnant with me, she wanted to have an abortion. Her father found out and at the last moment dragged her away from the healer to whom she turned for help. And after my mother’s death, I found her letter, enclosed in a book, addressed to my father, in which it was written: “I was never able to love our daughter.” To this day this is one of my most painful memories.

Tears appeared in Mom’s eyes, she began to look very, very much like her daughter, Valyusha. Both women, the youngest and the eldest, seemed to be united in their despair, their dislike for their mother.

No matter how old we are, there is always a “little girl” living inside us who desperately needs a mother’s love and, in recognition of the fact that she is loved just like that, for the fact that she exists.

When in our life there is a caring and loving mother, at first it is an external support, i.e., a person you can rely on, trust, and receive support. Over time, this external support becomes internal, we learn to take good care of ourselves, and also, be a good mother for your children.

Both Valya and Mom have to go through a difficult path of accepting themselves and the woman who gave life, that is, the mother, only after that it will become easy to show love to your child. published.

Olga Milashina

If you have any questions, please ask

P.S. And remember, just by changing your consumption, we are changing the world together! © econet

My daughter has also hated me since childhood. She was a terribly obstinate child. I am under the enormous influence of exA. They blamed me for all the misfortunes of their son (my former son) and hammered it into my daughter’s head. My stupidity is that I gave them my daughter for weekends and holidays. I came back from there feeling like a stranger. She didn’t perceive me as a mother. She didn’t try for me, didn’t regret it if I felt bad. I went out of my way to make sure we had everything. I ruined my health just so I wouldn’t need anything. She was 19 years old - she finally spoke out, and then over the phone, that this was not what her mother wanted. And how bad she feels with me. I cried so much. And I made such sacrifices to give her an education. She didn't care. I was walking. I'm sorry, I screwed up my studies. And I paid a lot of money. Nobody helped me with a penny. I restored it and again the same rake - I dropped out of school. On the day of defending my diploma, I found him in bed with my future son-in-law. I was so stressed. Fine. She gave me in marriage. I left the apartment. The apartment is overgrown with debts. And I built, stretched, my help future husband money and, by the way, the wedding took place at his expense. Neither my daughter nor my son-in-law helped me at all in the house. It got to the point where I was getting ready to get married. Sold the house. I gave the money to my future husband. How many claims I made for money, it’s terrible. She went abroad to join her future husband. It took me a long time to bring me to my senses. Got married. I went and sold the apartment and decided to take half the money from the apartment. If we were people, we would give everything away. She left. Happily married. Husband is gold. After a while they were found on the Internet. We talked. I sent them money. Everything seemed to be going fine. in 2014 war in Donbass. They dragged them (already three) to Poland. We immediately took off, drove off (1600 km) and picked it up from the camp. They brought so much stuff and not only them (they helped several other families), they rented an apartment for them. We bought everything that was missing. They were helped for 2 years. Everyone was worried important point in their lives. I was terribly worried about how they were doing, what they had, whether they would receive status or a residence permit. Every news brings such nerves. And my husband and I are making plans to be one family, we would give them everything, we would live for them. And then suddenly my husband’s remark to his son-in-law ruined everything. Just one stroke. He simply suggested that his son-in-law try to speak Polish with him. In response, he cursed on the mat and without allowing him to communicate with his daughter, he turned off Skype. I called - no answer. Writing. No answer. I’m writing to my son-in-law, and he, the boor, was the last one to write something like that.... I started writing to shame him. Daughter has zero reaction. After 3 months there was a call at home. First, for half a minute, the daughter, and then the son-in-law, screaming and again swearing, that everything is just great with them, and they can cope without us and why the hell they don’t need us with our loans and all that... I wrote to my daughter that I don’t want to listen to screams, swearing, that I didn’t deserve such rudeness and that I don’t want to know them with such behavior. And me after nervous breakdown. Only from the hospital. My nerves are completely gone. And here’s the answer from my trashy daughter. That I'm a stupid mother. That I lost them. What my granddaughter doesn’t like after what I wrote to her, but wrote that she is selfish, like her mother, due to the fact that she did not congratulate either my husband in April or me in May on his birthday. Then he writes that there might not have been a scandal, that I started it. So that she no longer writes at the end: - “bitch go to hell... Live for yourself and for the sake of... Good luck you scum.” After that, I cried angrily. Inside, the whole soul has decayed. The heart burned out. My hand began to go away. There isn't a day that I don't think about all of this. How painful it is to realize that your own daughter is so cruel, soulless, scary man. I have never asked for forgiveness in my life. He has no idea what I'm going through. How it hurts me. It seems that she even enjoys it, every time I suffer brings her joy. She didn’t let me be a mommy, a loving, caring and grandmother now. And she’s the only one I have. She was afraid of having more children from a drunk, her dad, children. But she has no one else.

In the public consciousness, the idea of ​​a union between mother and daughter, based on mutual, indissoluble, enduring love, exists as sacred truth, exceptions from which are unacceptable according to the highest moral laws. What happens in life? Elena Verzina, psychologist, candidate of medical sciences, tells.

Note that the mammals to which the species belongs Homo sapiens- lionesses, chimpanzees, dolphins, and even birds - eagles, swans, penguins, they also feed, raise and train their lion cubs, dolphin cubs, penguins until they can start an independent life. True, unlike women, representatives of the animal world become pregnant, give birth and take care of their offspring, obeying exclusively the call of nature.

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A woman gives birth to a child consciously and does it for herself.

Only for myself! To satisfy the biological instinct of procreation; to realize oneself in the role of a mother according to the civilizational tradition and the commandments of religion; to start a family with a beloved man and live surrounded by loving children; so that there would be someone to look after her in old age; just for own health or even to receive maternity capital. We are not considering here unplanned children who are born because “it happened”; but after the birth of a child, as a rule, love for the newborn is also born with an irresistible need to take care of him - that very maternal instinct! And what is a daughter’s love for her mother - also an instinct, or a programmed heartfelt feeling embedded in her heart when it beat under her mother’s heart, or this conscious feeling of gratitude to her mother, who gave her life and accompanied her on the difficult path of becoming, or this fulfillment of a duty prescribed by morality, despite the fact that failure to fulfill this duty will inevitably receive universal condemnation?

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Alas, there are many everyday stories when daughters experience negative feelings to their mothers -

deep, hidden feelings, even despite the outwardly good attitude towards them. Psychologists know how common such feelings are. For daughters experiencing this, it is very difficult to admit this not only to a psychologist, but also to themselves, except perhaps to take out their pain on an Internet forum, fortunately speaking openly and communicating with friends in misfortune softens the pain and, moreover, remains anonymous. It is pain, because the loss of the feeling of love for the mother is destructive to the psyche, this loss undermines the daughter’s confidence in her moral worth and jeopardizes the formation of healthy relationships with her own children.

Or maybe this is just a myth about holy love for a mother, created and cultivated in society in the interests of its stability, reproducibility, preservation of family units, and it is quite possible to move from holiness to balance, from a taboo subject to interested analysis? Let's put the question bluntly.

Does it loving relationship to the mother as an innate, eternal manifestation of daughterly feelings? And do we have the right to say that adult daughter immoral if instead of the beautiful “My mother is the most best mom in the world!" she dares to say: “She ruined my life, but as a child she gave me her love, and I can’t help but be grateful to her for that,” or the most transcendental:

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I don't love my mother.

We are not considering here children’s manifestations of childish grievances, well studied by psychologists, subconscious complexes (Electra or Oedipus complexes), conscious manipulations by parents aimed at satisfying children’s “wants,” or reactions to quarrels among adult family members, among which the child is forced to choose one side . Of course, one cannot ignore the friction in relations with the mother that arose in the daughter in childhood, but in the plastic childhood there are enough proven psychological methods, which, with careful attention to the child, allow one to overcome tension at the time of transition from adolescence to youth. Youth comes early, and with it girls begin to feel like adults. Let's listen to the voices of our adult daughters (after all, we will forever remain their parents), and try to see in the example of one of them the origins of mental ill-being.

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Oksana. 50 years old, late child, with higher education, lived with her mother and her husband. Two years ago I buried my mother, who was bedridden in the last months of her life after a stroke. At the same time, she never tired of repeating that because of her mother’s illness, she denied herself a life beyond the fulfillment of her daughter’s duty. And after the death of her mother, Oksana’s life is painted in dull tones of enduring misfortune. What is hidden behind this sad fate, why does Oksana clearly want to be unhappy?

Oksana’s mother did not love her husband, the girl’s father, and clearly demonstrated her dislike and disrespect for him. As a girl, Oksana always took the side of her powerful and successful mother and, like her mother, neglected her father. After graduating from college, she fell in love with a good guy from another city. But to leave, to leave my mother?

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It’s impossible, you can’t leave your mother.

Then there was a marriage in his city, without much love, with another good guy who sincerely loved Oksana. But the mother so actively helped her daughter’s family in everyday life, in organizing her relationship with her husband, in raising her grandson, that the husband could not stand it and left. Oksana was left alone with her mother, and soon she married again a stupid man, a loser (she really wanted to feel her dominance, so it was no coincidence that a weak man ended up next to her), whom her mother disliked very much and with a restrained arrogant attitude showed her son-in-law in his place.

And then, at a very respectable age, my mother herself got married, brought her husband into the house, so after a while Oksana and her husband had to provide physical assistance elderly couple. Mom’s new husband died, mom fell ill, Oksana looked after her “as expected,”

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but she did it somehow very harshly, angrily, unkindly, nervously,

the way a very strict mother behaves towards her child, as if she suddenly got the opportunity to command the one she had obeyed all her life.

Now she tirelessly mourns her mother, and everyone around her should remember this loss. There is no one who deprived the daughter of her father’s love, who destroyed her first marriage, involuntarily forced her to care for an old man who was stranger to her, but who served as an excuse for the daughter’s failed fate. How dare she leave forever! Grieving over the loss, the daughter lives today with a feeling of uncompensated guilt, both her own and her mother’s guilt before her. Being unhappy is her excuse today. Does she love her unforgettable mother?

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Yes, of course, but with a strange love, like a victim’s tormentor.

In general, those who have not known discomfort in relations with their mother cannot even imagine how many young women in the world are suffering from the awareness of their dislike for their mother, looking for a way out of this unbearable state. On the other hand, there are many who managed to get over the disease, overcome the destructive feeling of guilt before their mother - guilt for not loving her, move away from the stereotype of selfless love for family care and restrained signs of attention, and even allow themselves to open up: “I don’t love mother". Thus, they are trying to save themselves from a painful, unnatural break with the mother to whom they owe their birth. But we must admit that if this is a cure, it is only temporary, and the disease is recurrent. It is hardly possible to completely distance yourself from the unique mother-child bond. It is possible to find a cure.

If a young woman cannot get rid of the pain in herself because she does not love her mother, cannot overcome indifference or pacify hatred of her, then she must try to understand, for example, with the help of a psychoanalyst, why an unhealthy relationship with her mother developed, recognize the insurmountability of the collapse that has occurred and let go of this pain: don’t judge your mother, but forgive yourself, maintaining an accessible, neutral form of relationship, especially since mothers get older with age, and daughters, in any case, will not do without caring for them.

For 10 years I treated my daughter purely formally, often offending her, sometimes very strongly. In moments of “education”, I could not stop myself, the flow of negativity and hatred became uncontrollable, hurtful words spewed out of me, and in moments of calm, I was amazed at how it was possible to be so heartless and cold-blooded towards my to my own child!

“I don’t love my eldest daughter” - I lived with this feeling as soon as my second child appeared. The eldest was 5 when this feeling arose. Of course, like any “good” mother, I suppressed this thought in myself in every possible way. What did I do instead? I bought her toys, branded clothes, and sent her on vacation with her grandmother. I extinguished the feeling of guilt with gifts and money.

This continued until she was 15 years old, and I still couldn’t find the answers to why this was happening to me?

For 10 years I treated my daughter purely formally, often offending her, sometimes very strongly. In moments of “education”, I could not stop myself, the flow of negativity and hatred became uncontrollable, hurtful words spewed out of me, and in moments of calm, I was amazed at how one could be so heartless and cold-blooded towards one’s own child!

I was moving away from my daughter, and she was reaching out to me, wanting to receive affection and love. According to the law of the sandwich, my daughter is kinesthetic, and physical touch is as important to her as air. Everything about her irritated me, I found fault with her over every little thing. But then I began to notice that I especially “don’t like” her in the presence of her husband.

So I suffered for 10 years. 10 years of tyranny and moral abuse of oneself, husband and child.

I was ashamed to go to a psychologist or confess to my friends. Throughout my life, I have always played the role of a successful businesswoman, a happy wife. It was unacceptable for me to introduce doubt into my story of a successful woman; my inner loser was inflamed.

As a result, my daughter grew up as a VICTIM. I constantly compared myself with other children and peers. No one liked her in class, and it was difficult for her to make friends. We changed 5 schools, thinking that in new school she will be accepted and loved...

It was even more painful when my husband and mother asked me to be softer and more patient with the child, not to show my feelings so clearly. strong love to another child. And it was simply unbearable when friends and teachers said that from the outside it was clear that I was biased and very strict towards the eldest, especially in comparison with other children. If only they knew what was going on in my soul!!! Yes, I myself didn’t know what the hell was possessing me and forcing me to do all these tricks.

And time passed, we survived " transitional age”, when with my fierce attitude I forbade her to show me any manifestations of the “transition period”. I simply forbade my daughter’s transition period, explaining that it was a sign of weakness and inability to control her emotions. After all, oh, how well I “managed” my own!

© Magdalena Berny

The time came when guys began to appear, and then I grabbed my head because I realized that for my child I could not do anything to help her enter comfortably. new stage her life is building relationships with the opposite sex. Fears began to overcome her: the fear that she would stick to the first person she met in order to receive affection and love. Fear that she will be used and over time she will turn into someone else. Fear that he won’t be able to start a family….

There were many fears, and even more questions. I began to prepare myself for a visit to a psychologist, or maybe better, to a psychotherapist, because I understood that the problem, apparently, was still with me.

But what will I tell him? I don't love my daughter? By that time, I already had three of them. My head was in complete chaos and I hated myself more and more every day. Feelings of guilt and self-resentment overwhelmed me, I cried for hours alone, blaming myself for all my sins, wondering how God could even give me children, and even three, if I couldn’t cope with the role of a good mother??

One thing calmed me down, the phrase I heard “all the answers are inside you.” I was in a hurry to find the answer because I had this belief inside that if I found the answers before her 16th birthday, I could fix the situation! And the answer came. It came in the form of an application tool that helped me find all the answers WHY DIDN’T I LOVE HER? WHY DIDN'T I TAKE IT?

There is a wonderful Axiom: “Everything that happens in my reality is the result of my subconscious desires.” This axiom helped me identify all my subconscious desires and transform them. It took me a year to complete all the transformation work. A year of pleasant discoveries in myself and in my eldest daughter. The work continues, for too long I did not notice what a wonderful daughter I have: my firstborn, my joy in life, my beauty!

Over the years of unconscious life, I greatly damaged her individuality, one might say, I erased it to nothing. In a couple of months, together we restored her individuality, she and I learned to love ourselves just like that, we worked a large number of unaccepted qualities, worked through fears and grievances...

Our life has changed, it will never be the same. We are enjoying our new relationship, which is becoming more ideal every day.

The main reason WHY I DIDN'T LOVE HER was my resentment towards my husband. This was the only way I could take revenge on him for the insults he had caused me, through my daughter, who was his copy. As soon as I worked through the first grudge against him, I had the first desire hug your daughter, kiss her and just sit with her in silence. I have deprived myself of this happiness for so long...

Be happy, dear mothers! I sincerely wish you to find your answers within yourself using my tool https://master-kit.info/kaz

As a child, a girl first learns about who she is in the mirror, which for her is her mother's face. She understands that she is loved, and this feeling - that she is worthy of love and attention, that she is seen and heard - gives her the strength to grow and become an independent person.

The daughter of an unloving mother - emotionally distant, or fickle, or too critical and cruel - learns different lessons from life very early on. She doesn’t know what will happen next, what kind of mother will be with her tomorrow - good or bad, she is looking for her love, but she is afraid of what reaction will follow this time, and does not know how to deserve it.

Ambivalent attachment to such a mother teaches the girl that relationships with people are generally unreliable and cannot be trusted; avoidant attachment establishes in her soul a terrible conflict between her childhood need for love and protection and the emotional and physical violence that she receives in response.

Most importantly, the daughter's need for maternal love does not disappear even after she realizes that this is impossible. This need continues to live in her heart, along with the terrible awareness of the fact that the only person who should love her unconditionally, simply for being in the world, does not. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to get over this feeling.

Daughters who grow up knowing that they are unloved are left with emotional wounds that largely determine their future relationships and the way they build their lives. The saddest thing is that sometimes they have no idea about the reason and believe that they themselves are to blame for all the problems.

1. Lack of self-confidence

Unloved daughters of unloving mothers do not know that they are worthy of attention; there is no feeling in their memory that they are loved at all. A girl could grow up accustomed day after day to being unheard, ignored, or, worse, being closely watched and criticized for her every move.

Even if she has obvious talents and achievements, they do not give her confidence. Even if she has a soft and flexible character, her mother’s voice continues to sound in her head, which she perceives as her own - she is a bad daughter, ungrateful, she does everything out of spite, “who grew up like that, other children are like children”... Many already As adults, they say that they still have the feeling that they are “deceiving people” and that their talents and character are fraught with some kind of flaw.

2. Lack of trust in people

“It always seemed strange to me why someone would want to be friends with me, I began to wonder if there was some kind of benefit behind this.” Such sensations arise from the general feeling of the unreliability of the world, which is experienced by a girl whose mother either brings her closer to her or pushes her away. She will continue to need constant confirmation that feelings and relationships can be trusted, that she will not be pushed away the next day. “Do you really love me? Why are you silent? "Won't you leave me?"

But at the same time, unfortunately, the girls themselves reproduce in all their relationships only the type of attachment that they had in childhood. And as adults, they crave emotional storms, ups and downs, breakups and sweet reconciliations. Real love for them it is an obsession, an all-consuming passion, witchcraft power, jealousy and tears.

Calm, trusting relationships seem either unrealistic to them (they simply cannot believe that this happens) or boring. A simple, non-demonic man will most likely not attract their attention.

3. Difficulties in asserting your own boundaries

Many who grew up in an environment of cold indifference or constant criticism and unpredictability report that they constantly felt the need for maternal affection, but at the same time they realized that they did not know any way to get it. What caused a benevolent smile today may be rejected with irritation tomorrow. And already as adults, they continue to look for a way to appease, please their partners or friends, to avoid repeating that maternal coldness at any cost.

They cannot feel the boundary between “cold and hot”, either approaching too close, looking for such interpenetrating relationships that the partner is forced to retreat under their pressure, or, on the contrary, being afraid to approach a person for fear that they will be pushed away. In addition to difficulties establishing healthy boundaries with the opposite sex, daughters of unloving mothers often have problems with friendships. “How do I know if she’s really my friend?” “She’s my friend, it’s hard for me to refuse her, and in the end they just start wiping their feet on me again.”

In romantic relationships, such girls show avoidant attachment: they avoid intimacy, although they are looking for close relationships, they are very vulnerable and dependent. “The world has come together like a wedge” - this is their vocabulary. “They cast cowardly glances, hiding behind a book,” - also about them. Or, as an extreme manifestation of a defensive position, “immediately no” to any proposal, invitation or request coming from a man. The fear is too great that the relationship will bring them the same pain that they experienced in childhood, when they were looking for maternal love and did not find it.

4. Low self-esteem, inability to recognize one’s strengths

As one of these unloved daughters said in therapy: “As a child, I was raised mainly struggling with shortcomings; they didn’t talk about my virtues, so as not to scare me away. Now, wherever I work, I am told that I do not show enough initiative and do not strive for advancement.”

Many people say that it was a real surprise for them that they were able to achieve something in life. Many people put off the moment until the last minute when it comes to making new acquaintances and searching for better work to avoid disappointment. Failure in this case will mean complete rejection for them, reminding them of the despair they experienced in childhood when their mother rejected them.

Only in mature age the unloved daughter manages to believe that she had a normal appearance, and not “three hairs”, “not our breed” and “who would take you like that”. “I accidentally came across an old photograph of myself, when I already had my own children, and I saw a pretty girl in it, neither thin nor fat. It was as if I looked at her through someone else’s eyes, I didn’t even immediately realize that it was me, my mother’s “felt boot.”

5. Avoidance as a defensive reaction and as a life strategy

Do you know what happens when it's time to look for love? Instead of “I want to be loved,” a girl who felt her mother’s dislike in childhood, somewhere in the depths of her soul feels fear: “I don’t want to be hurt again.” For her, the world consists of potentially dangerous men, among which in some unknown way you need to find your own.

6. Excessive sensitivity, “thin skin”

Sometimes someone’s innocent joke or comparison brings them to tears, because these words, so easy for others, fall like an unbearable weight into their soul, awakening a whole layer of memories. “When I overreact to someone's words, I specifically remind myself that this is my specialty. The person, perhaps, did not want to offend me.” It is also difficult for such daughters, who were unloved in childhood, to cope with their emotions, because they have not had the experience of unconditionally accepting their value, which allows them to stand firmly on their feet.

7. Seeking maternal relationships in relationships with men

We are attached to what is familiar to us, which is part of our childhood, no matter what it happens to us. “Only years later did I realize that my husband treated me the same way as my mother, and I chose him myself. Even the first words he said to me to get acquainted were: “Did you come up with the idea of ​​tying this scarf like that? Take it off." At the time I thought it was very funny and original.”

Why are we talking about this now, when we are already grown up? Not to throw away in despair the cards that fate has dealt us. Everyone has their own. And in order to understand how we act and why. It is very difficult to grow up without love, you have had this difficult test, but many people have experienced the same thing and were able to overcome it.