Dissatisfaction with yourself or life, what to do? Feeling dissatisfied with life is a dangerous phenomenon.

A feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself is experienced by many people throughout their lives, without understanding the reasons for this condition. The misconception about the world, which is most often formed in childhood, forces us to look for ourselves when we have matured a long time ago. Too frequent or inadequate bans, various psychological trauma taken from childhood do not allow us to fully reveal our innate data and realize ourselves. Why is this happening? What determines whether we will experience satisfaction or dissatisfaction?

A person cannot live outside society, exist alone, all his development and subsequent realization are associated with interaction with other people. From about 3 years old, a person begins to feel the people around him and until puberty is completely dependent on them, especially on his parents. Having developed his innate properties before the age of 16-18, he gradually takes responsibility for his actions onto himself. What he managed to absorb and develop into puberty, he, as an adult, will be able to endure in the world.

Photo: deviantart.com/art/Paris-Je-t-aime-3 75216345

If this feeling was not there, and our innate talents were not revealed properly in these conditions, then the whole negative experience, received in childhood, dissatisfaction with oneself, disappointments, resentments are forced out into the unconscious. We gradually forget about them, but they do not disappear anywhere and, being deep in the unconscious, drive us throughout our lives, determining our thoughts and actions.

Thus, if development up to puberty has happened correctly, then everything in life goes on as usual for a person, he successfully realizes himself in society and experiences a sense of satisfaction. If not, then the person feels lack and suffers, not understanding true reasons their problems.

Dissatisfaction with oneself - misunderstanding of oneself

If due to improper development in childhood or because of ignorance of where to apply ourselves correctly, we do not realize our desires, then the lack of fulfillment is felt by us as suffering, which leads to dissatisfaction with ourselves and the environment. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan allows us to realize our innate natural desires, which reveals to us the structure of our unconscious, which includes eight vectors, eight specific roles, performing which we are able to experience the maximum pleasure from life.

Self dissatisfaction. The Role of Cultural Constraints

In particular, the role of a person with a visual vector was to limit hostility towards one's neighbor, which is a basic feeling between people, our human nature. The visual measure of the mental (unconscious) was responsible for the creation of culture and contributed to the development of emotions and feelings. Culture, at its core, is the restriction of primal urges - sex and murder - in order to preserve the integrity of the human "pack". This is possible due to the development of the innate properties of the visual vector.

Realizing the properties of compassion, empathy, empathy in modern world viewers experience deep satisfaction and joy from life. They work as volunteers, nurses. Not realizing themselves, they are in fears and phobias, they are afraid to go outside and experience real feelings: compassion, love.

In sum, each of us has hundreds of anchors that control us and influence our every minute choice. Without fully realizing our properties, we feel depressed, dissatisfied, simply because we don’t know what we want. Only through awareness of our desires inherent in us by nature, we can properly realize ourselves and get rid of dissatisfaction with ourselves and others.

Culture can no longer cope with the limitation of dislike. The growth of dissatisfaction with the surrounding world can only be stopped by direct knowledge of this world, awareness of our place in it, our role, performing which, we are able to experience incomparable joy from life.

Training on systems-vector psychology allows you to get rid of all children's anchors, resentments, fears, dissatisfaction with yourself, and feel this world in a completely different way. The reviews of thousands of people who have undergone training say that those anchors that held back a person’s manifestation in this world and prevented him from realizing himself leave forever and make room for completely different feelings: responsibility for one’s life, joy from interacting with others, deep satisfaction from the realization of their properties outward. Healthy guidelines appear that allow you to move through life in your own, only true direction.

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Dissatisfaction with oneself is painful and permanent property some people. What are the causes of dissatisfaction with yourself and how to get rid of it?

Hello!!!
I'm 34 years old. Please help me understand myself. I am worried about a lot in me, but especially the fact that I am very insecure, I always think that I am worse than others, lower than others. By nature, I seem to be soft, but I can be very demanding, purposeful, when I need to show willpower, I can be persistent.
It seems to me that she is too serious, I always demand something or may be dissatisfied first of all with myself, all the time tense, I always think about something, how to do this and that. I think I don't know how to love!!! I can't enjoy life.
And I also have a problem with my daughter. She is 5 years old so I can not communicate with her. I don't know what to talk about with her. It seems that I try to keep asking how things are in the kindergarten, but she doesn’t want or doesn’t know how to tell, or I have lost intimacy with her. I feel it, that I don’t know how to communicate with a child, just to communicate, and so we play with her, frolic, fool around, joke and that’s all. but how to communicate forever I criticize her. Sorry it's messy.
What is wrong with me, I have constant discontent itself, or is there really a problem of a psychological nature ?!
Sincerely, Assel

Hello Assel.

It seems that self-criticism and dissatisfaction with yourself is your psychological problem. Typically, this property occurs if one of the parents constantly criticizes or even kindly draws attention to shortcomings and the need to correct them.

Over time, when a person grows up, he develops the habit of constantly observing himself and looking for flaws in everything, because this is not as unpleasant as constantly feeling dissatisfied with someone else. I want to look for flaws in myself before someone else discovers them.

If you constantly look for flaws in yourself, then, of course, you seem to yourself worse than others, because you usually do not see in other people that they are constantly watching themselves or criticizing themselves. But that doesn't mean they are better. This means that they do not have the habit of focusing on their shortcomings.

You write about your daughter and that you don't know how to communicate with her. It seems that you have some theoretical ideas about what communication with a child is. Maybe you yourself are thinking about some kind of bar that you can’t reach in any way, or maybe someone even now often tells you: “You don’t know how to communicate with a child at all!”

In fact, when you play with her, you just communicate with her on accessible to the child language. The child does not need to be asked how the day was in kindergarten, he needs the parent to play with him and spend a lot of time together.

When you criticize her, most likely, you simply use the same technique as your parents: you are trying to educate and improve her, otherwise you simply don’t know what to answer her. But there is no big trick what to answer the child. You can reformulate it last words or name the feelings that you guess in her story.

For example, if she tells you about a fight with a friend, don't give her advice or tell her what she was wrong about, but say something like, "So she told you so-and-so?" or “Are you angry?” The child needs confirmation that the parent listens to him and understands his feelings, nothing more. If you are not able to carry on a conversation like this, then read books on this topic, for example, Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish "How to talk so children will listen and how to listen so children will talk." This is just a skill, if you practice, you will master it and you will communicate well with your daughter.

As for the general tension, you need to gradually get rid of the very habit of constantly monitoring yourself. First, you can come up with answers to self-criticism, for example, when you think: “I just behaved wrongly,” you can answer yourself: “I am an adult and behave as I want.”

You can also think about why it is important for you to be constantly dissatisfied with yourself now. Do you think that if you are dissatisfied with yourself, you will become better and better? If so, it's worth considering how much you have really improved over the past few years thanks to self-dissatisfaction and whether it really helps you. You may have other beliefs that make a part of you not want to stop criticizing yourself, and you need to find them and refute them, then they will no longer guide you.

Question to the psychologist:

Hello, I am 27 years old. I have two small children (3 and a half years old). I am on maternity leave and try to earn extra money with translations (for my former boss well paid for my work). My husband is at work all day, he arrives at 8-9 pm. Grandparents, for certain reasons, do not help with children. Therefore, my day is a continuous series of household chores: cooking, cleaning, playing with children, trying to do something at work. Children still play badly together: they mostly quarrel, the youngest one almost always follows me with a ponytail - nothing really can be done. I'm tired, but that's not the problem. The problem is that I'm a "perfectionist" by nature. I like everything to be clean, everything to be in its place, and we have a constant mess. And it puts pressure on me. Plus, I constantly feel dissatisfied with myself that I didn’t do anything useful with the children during the day (there is almost no time left for developing activities with children), or that I didn’t do the cleaning / work / other housework, etc. When the children sleep during the day, I I can’t sleep with them because when I wake up, I feel deep dissatisfaction that I didn’t clean / cook food / finish the photo album while the children were sleeping. When we walk, it always seems to me that the walk turned out to be "stupid", because I'm looking for a good playground (where there are comfortable swings, few children, cleanly) - as a result, we walk half the walk looking for where we can take a walk. And so in everything, I constantly feel guilty that I don’t have time for anything, I don’t do anything with the children, that tomorrow we will go for a walk early, and then we will all do useful educational games together. But tomorrow the day goes exactly the same - a long morning, trying to feed everyone / brush their teeth / put them on a potty, etc. - it takes all morning. Then a walk, then dinner at home and going to bed. While they are sleeping, they cook, tidy up, do translations .. And after lunch, they try to play together, but the children have different interests, the youngest one only interferes and breaks everything (if we play with the older one), if I work with her, the older one "climbs" and interferes with us (he answers my questions, shows everything) .. And again I remain dissatisfied with myself that I could not work with children. Plus, if the children are capricious (and this happens often), sometimes I break down - I swear or slap on the pope. Then I just feel like a "bastard". Help to cope with dissatisfaction with yourself, with constant desire do more/do better.

The psychologist answers the question.

Hello Julia!

Motherhood is special period the formation of a woman. This is the time that turns the whole familiar rhythm upside down. And here it is important to readjust in time. Your tasks for today have changed, they are not the same as they were 3-4 years ago. Therefore, you should not hold on to stereotypes familiar to you, for example, so that everything lies in its place. Perfectionism is most likely your deep trauma. It arises from fear, fear that if I don’t do something perfectly, better than anyone else, then they will stop loving me. This is a kind of desire to prove to mom (dad) that I am worthy of their love. Born in early childhood when parents are stingy with praise and an uneven letter in the child's copybooks is perceived as a personal defeat. So the child has a fear that if he does not meet his mother's (father's) standards, then he will lose their love. And this is the worst. Because we all need unconditional parental love and acceptance as they are. Therefore, now it is important to stop this endless race for ideals and not pass on our fears to children. Julia is a very deep topic, if you want, write to me about it in more detail, I will answer you.

Your priority for today is children, so first of all plan and try to do what you have planned for children (games, developmental activities, walks), and everything else is secondary. Try to understand that these months and the first few years of your kids' lives will never happen again, and in 5 years you will regret that you played little with them then, rather than that something was not removed in time. So don't beat yourself up about the mess - it's part of a process more important than formal cleaning. In addition, the older one can already be slowly taught to clean up after himself and the younger toys. To make it interesting for the baby, offer him a game, for example, give him three boxes in which he will put toys. There are many options: it can be sorted by color, or by texture (soft and hard), or by shape (dolls, cubes, balls). In addition, the fact that the husband comes at 8-9 pm does not mean that he cannot help you. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Let him bathe the children, wash the dishes, mop the floor, iron, whatever is necessary. You don’t need to pretend that you are sitting at home and doing “nothing”, but he works all day and needs to rest. It is not true. loving man always ready to help, just - ask, but do not demand (!)

Regarding activities, offer different children, offer the older one an application, having previously prepared the details, let him try to glue it himself or you can turn on an educational cartoon for him (with the study of numbers, alphabet, colors, etc.), while you will deal directly with the younger one . Read on the Internet different games You will surely find something suitable there.

Julia, the ideal mother is a well-rested and well-rested mother! So for your children, and even more so for your body, it is important to rest as much as possible. If you want - be sure to sleep with the children! Rested, you will do everything faster. And if you didn’t manage to do something, it means that you took on too much and today it doesn’t matter. Unfortunately, the fact that you break into whims proves once again the fact that you are overloaded and tired.

All children are naughty. This is a given that must be accepted. When you accept whims as the norm of this age, you will stop being angry at it. You don’t get angry that the baby can’t walk, eat on his own, etc. It is difficult for children to understand and express their emotions on their own. They still do not know what to do with their irritation, discontent, anger. The task of parents is not only to tell and explain, but also to own example show how to deal with different feelings. As a rule, the cause of children's whims is a lack of attention. You can just hug them at this point and they will calm down. Or you can say that this is unpleasant for you, but do not forbid it (!), but offer to whimper in another room. While whimpering, the children are trying to get your attention. And in this situation, negative reinforcement (slapping on the butt or scolding) is a confirmation of the “correctness” of their strategy. Attention has been drawn! Julia, even if you break loose and punish, then find the strength in yourself and be sure to apologize to the baby! Do not be afraid that the little one will understand everything that he needs. And thus, by your example, you will show him a model of correct behavior. Yes, you can make mistakes, and yes, adults are no exception. But above all, there must be respect for the individual, even if it is still quite tiny. By apologizing to your children, you relieve them of guilt for your irritation. After all, they are not to blame for the fact that you want to do everything and reinforce your “perfectionism”. Sometimes you can drop everything and just sit with the children, indulge. Developing classes are good, but a healthy psyche is more important. Therefore, if children want to fool around, then share this joy with them! This will be one of your most vivid memories together.

Hello dear readers! Question from Leo: what to do with constant discontent? I noticed that in my family, it somehow happened that everyone and everything is dissatisfied. Although, I think, it’s a sin for us to complain, and there is money and some kind of luck. But all the same, the whole life is already out of habit in a state of discontent. And the joy of life, honestly, no at all! Where does all this dissatisfaction come from? And can something be done about it?

So it is, chronic dissatisfaction with oneself and fate makes a person deeply unhappy, pretentious, incapable of experiencing joy and seeing something good in this life. And if a person does not see the good, does not appreciate what fate has already given him, he has nothing to experience. He just loses that ability.

Discontent - where does it come from?

Discontent - this is not the ability to appreciate what is given to a person by Fate, what the Higher Forces give according to fate and chronic ingratitude (a pig's snout instead of a nose).

Often dissatisfaction begins to grow precisely because of when, subconsciously or consciously, a person gives himself the right to evaluate the activities of the Higher Forces, God, Fate in relation to himself, and begins to judge God and everything around him from above: “I am dissatisfied with how God helps me, what He gives or does not give me”, “I am dissatisfied with the way God created me”, “I am dissatisfied with the way God organized life on Earth, what fate he gave me, how He teaches me, etc.”.

All this is ordinary pride, spiritual laziness (see below) and negative thinking - programs of ingratitude, that no matter how much God gives, it will still not be enough, therefore He is always wrong and there is nothing to thank Him for.

You need to understand that in such a position, a person harms only himself, well, others get it because of his grumbling.

Discontent is also defined as aggravated emotional, with the constant generation of claims, resentments, accusations and other abominations that destroy joy, gratitude, bright feelings, and as a result, physical health.

Chronic dissatisfaction is, as a rule, dissatisfaction with everything in a row: dissatisfaction with oneself, life, fate, God, people around, bosses, this world, everything.

How to remove discontent and what to replace it with?

Discontent - is replaced by gratitude and satisfaction, which can only appear when a person becomes honest with himself and accepts divine justice.

Satisfaction and joy are revealed from a fair recognition and acceptance of the value of what God gives according to fate, and from the ability to enjoy creativity and the process of creating something. Not when everything ready is given, but when a person creates and creates a lot himself (but with the help of the Higher Forces), when both his soul and his body are creatively working.

It is also important to open in your heart gratitude for what you already have, for what you have already been given: that you are a person, and not a worm or a macaque, that you have an immortal Soul with great potential, that you can learn, understand, draw knowledge, and you can change a lot in life, achieve, for many. others

Form the necessary qualities and feelings according to the following articles:

What to work out to remove internal discontent and grumbling:

The subconscious desire that God would give everything just like that, not deservedly. And when God, Fate just does not give - then dissatisfaction with life, fate, God. It is necessary to remove dissatisfaction with God and life: aggression and the claim that fate does not realize your desires.

God is not gold fish and it is not His purpose to fulfill all the desires of people, this is not His function. He creates the Laws, and he helps a person according to the Law, so that people develop, learn, become stronger, wiser, more perfect, kinder, etc. A person is responsible for his own destiny and the fulfillment of his desires. The person himself is always responsible for his state, whether it is joy or suffering. God teaches and helps those who want to learn, and educates the obstinate)))

If a person has discontent inside, it is, in fact, an unwillingness to go forward with his own feet, but a desire for God to carry you in his arms, so that fate itself puts everything tasty in your mouth and averts troubles. This is spiritual laziness and, subconscious, not a desire to develop, change oneself for the better, solve problems, become stronger and wiser.

It is important to stop trying to use God and other people to fulfill your desires, you still won't succeed. And if you try to use others, in the end they will definitely use you, so much so that it doesn’t seem a little.

In terms of your life role, it is important to understand the following: in relation to God, you are not a commander and not a judge, but a grateful student, a son or daughter of God, a student, and how good a student of God and Life you are will depend on whether you are happy or not.

For an example of how to work on yourself, I give written practical tasks:

1. Write a prayer of gratitude to God: Gratitude to God for the fact that He does not distribute everything for free, but for teaching, helping, so that a person deserves everything fairly, becomes stronger, wiser, etc. For the fact that God gives not anyhow, but in fairness, according to the Law ... Continue on your own.

Only then does a person appreciate what Fate gives him. Then he can respect himself for his achievements. Only this gives true inner Dignity.

2. Write a prayer of repentance for dissatisfaction with yourself, life, fate: Heavenly Father, forgive me for constant dissatisfaction, claims, pride. I replace dissatisfaction with gratitude, with joy, with the desire to deserve justice, to create with God's help, and not to receive for free. I don’t need anything undeserved, etc… Continue on your own.

3. The good old essay “My joy and gratitude are constantly growing!”: I need a lot of joy - from victories, from development, from the process of freeing my soul from problems, from communicating with people, from my own growth, etc. List everything that you value, everything from which you want to experience joy.

And to work out dissatisfaction with Yourself - see the section.

There will be questions -! You can also contact me for individual work on these and others. psychological problems and questions of fate.

Do you know why many people become more and more dissatisfied with life as they age? And each new day not only does not bring them joy, but also delivers a lot of additional worries and reasons for dissatisfaction. Why do they stop appreciating what they used to only dream of?

It is difficult to answer this question unequivocally, because each person has his own life. Everyone lives their own story with certain living conditions and stock internal forces. And what is right for one person may seem completely unacceptable to another.

Sometimes you look at a person: the eyes are dull, the look is depressing and it causes only pity (and sometimes irritation). And you think to yourself: he is weak-willed, squishy. But we are not given to know what he is really experiencing at this moment. Perhaps he feels strong and walks away from outside world in order to solve some of their problems.

It seems that a person is dissatisfied with life, although at this time he is experiencing difficult period in his destiny and somehow trying to get out of this situation. So is it worth it to condemn him only because he does not rejoice with you?

Of course you can say “Just think, I found something to worry about! I would like your problems". After all, for someone, for example, a computer breakdown is a trifle, but for another it is a whole tragedy (when it is the main source of income). But it's not you, but special person with a certain life experience, with its own character and principles. And for him to be in such a situation can be a huge test that he must pass.

And it is difficult for children to understand the problems of adults who seem to be constantly preoccupied with something. And their thoughts are mainly about how to earn a living, how to feed a family, and where to find time in this running around to help a child with homework.

Children due to their age do not yet have these problems. But there are others: how to make friends with a girl you like, what to answer a school bully at a break, so as not to call names, and what to say to your mother when you go home with a deuce in your diary.

This does not mean that the problems of adults are more important than children's problems and vice versa. Remember how in childhood a small trouble could turn into a tragedy on a global scale. For example, when you were given the wrong toy that you wanted to receive for your birthday. That was the problem back then! Now we will not be so upset, simply because we have other worries with age.

Okay, everyone has their own concerns, we have already discussed this. But there are people who are constantly. Everyone, probably, met such complaining grannies, whose favorite phrase begins with the words “But in our time…” or "In my youth" . Moreover, no matter how old a person is, such a granny can become both at 30 and at 60 years old. These people are dissatisfied with everything around, but first of all they are dissatisfied with themselves.

Any psychologist will tell you that a person who is dissatisfied with himself cannot feel love for another.And the endless buzzing and dissatisfaction with everything is, first of all, a lack of self-love.

Imagine, once they were young, they hoped, dreamed and enjoyed life. They believed that they would definitely achieve it, but they did not yet know how to do it. The plans were grandiose: someone thought that he would become a cool businessman, someone was unusually talented and expected to be at least a show business star.

Well, what soldier does not dream of becoming a general? In youth, these are quite natural. among the people similar phenomenon called youthful maximalism. To be honest, I also get sick from time to time.

It seems that a lot lies ahead, and something extraordinary is bound to happen in your life. You think about yourself: “Just give me the opportunity and I will prove to the whole world that it was not in vain that I was born into this world!” Only over time, a bright future turns into an ordinary present, magic does not happen, and dreams remain dreams.

Now imagine the same person with the same dreams of learning to play the guitar. Only he no longer just wants to learn a few chords and strumming, but sets himself certain tasks and each time raises the bar. And here it could be 2 scenarios:

Either he really achieves his high goal and he is well done,

Or expectations become too high, and he decides that everything was in vain, and he means nothing in this life.

And it's good if everything goes along the first path of development and everything will be as he expects it. But "Oh, woe to me!", if not. These people most often do not have a plan B. They are guided by the motto: "Either I will succeed, or I am the last loser." This is how dissatisfaction arises!