Read the book “Your Incomprehensible Child” online in full - Ekaterina Murashova - MyBook. Ekaterina MurashovaYour incomprehensible child Introduction

INTRODUCTION
Health or illness?

Hello, dear parents and educators!

First, let's get acquainted. I am a developmental psychologist. Just 10–15 years ago, nine out of ten people surveyed confidently confused a psychologist with a psychiatrist. Now the situation has changed for the better. A psychologist is not a doctor. As a rule, he does not have complete medical education, does not make diagnoses or prescribe medications. Psychologists mainly work with mental health healthy people. Psychiatrists, who are doctors by training, work with mentally ill people. The main areas of work of a psychologist are: psychological testing(which has nothing to do with tests published in popular newspapers and magazines), individual or family counseling, individual, family or group psychotherapy. Today there is great amount tests, methods and areas of psychotherapy that a psychologist can use in his work. It is clear that no psychologist uses all of them. Each practicing psychologist or psychotherapist has his own favorite set of methods, which he periodically updates or expands.

For several years now I have been working as a psychologist-consultant in a regular regional children's clinic. I mainly work with families. Most often, parents bring older preschoolers and younger schoolchildren. They have many problems, and we will talk about most of them in this book. Teenagers often come too. Less often - on their own, having watched enough TV series or really getting confused in their own lives, more often - on the advice of parents who are angry or discouraged by the child’s behavior. It is possible to establish contact with some of them, and with some, unfortunately, not. The latter leave forever, and the first run in and then, having already passed the age of the children's clinic, matured faces poke their heads through the door and ask slyly:

- Can i? Is it okay that I made an appointment with you?

Sometimes the main work happens with the parents, and they, having changed, influence the behavior or even the health of the children.

Quite often the whole family is invited to the reception, and then it is called family counseling or family psychotherapy. Often, a child’s problems are a reflection of the problems of the family as a whole, and in this case, they can be dealt with only when constructive and strong cooperation between the psychologist and all family members has been established.

But no matter who comes to see me and with what, it always starts with the same question:

– Tell me, is it normal if he (she, I, they, etc.) ...?

The continuation can be anything, and the question itself may not be expressed in this exact form, but it is always implied. And this, forgive the tautology, is normal.

Because before looking for reasons, intervening in something, changing something, removing, adding or adjusting, we need to find out what is in front of us: an option age norm or is it really a pathological deviation?

It's no secret that all children develop differently. There are inherent differences in temperament, inclinations and abilities. Even the youngest children have acquired personality differences, and all this must be taken into account. But there are also some general patterns. It is generally accepted that human development consists of crises and relatively stable periods. Total number and the exact timing of the onset of these crises is described differently by different researchers and depends mainly on what theory of personality the researcher relies on. S. Freud put forward his periodization of human development (based on psychosexual development), V. Stern (reliance on biogenetic patterns), domestic researchers L. S. Vygotsky, D. B. Elkonin. There are periodizations social development child (A.V. Petrovsky), moral development (L. Kohlberg), intellectual development (J. Piaget, J. Bruner). One of the most famous is the psychoanalytically oriented “theory of psychosocial crises” by the American psychologist Erik Erikson. In total, Erickson identifies eight crises in a person’s life, six of which occur in the period from birth to final adulthood. Other psychologists view crises differently, but they all agree on one thing: the densest growth of crises is precisely in the area of childhood and early adolescence. Then it seems to become calmer (although many, of course, will not agree with this).

Each crisis has its own purpose and task. Every crisis must be successfully resolved. If this does not happen, then development is disrupted to one degree or another. During times of crisis, a person is especially vulnerable to stress and negative influences. It is during periods of crisis that people most often fall ill with various somatic and neuropsychic diseases.

The first crisis that a person experiences is, undoubtedly, birth. Its main task is to adapt to the surrounding world.

So, somewhere in the second half of the first year (and certainly towards its end) it’s normal developing child shows some signs of fear and mistrust towards strangers. He behaves calmly and trustingly with friends and family.

Somewhere around the age of two, stubbornness appears, sometimes combined with outright mischief. “It’s like he’s testing me!” - mothers say about such children. He really does, because one of the tasks of this crisis is to set the boundaries of acceptable behavior. Another task is to gain physical autonomy (the famous “I myself!”).

At the age of four or five years, most children are afraid of large animals, unusual natural phenomena, and sometimes they are seriously frightened by other people’s or even their own fantasies (“This is a biting Byaka, I made her up out of my head... I’m afraid of her!”).

Around the same time, there was something like an ideological crisis. For the first time, the child thinks about the basic questions of existence, often asks questions like: “Mom, won’t you die?”, “Won’t I die?” etc. In no case should this crisis be “overlooked” by the parents, since during this period the child absolutely needs their support.

When a child starts school, he or she may or may not experience a school start crisis. If the child’s level of school maturity (its definition will be discussed below) is high or medium-high, then, as a rule, no crisis occurs.

The series of crises, of course, does not end there, but consideration of crises adult life is not included in our task and therefore remains outside the scope of this book.

So, first What a parent or teacher needs to remember is: variability of individual age-related psychological development.

Second – existence of crisis age periods, each of which has its own characteristics.

And finally third : There are symptoms, tendencies and behavioral characteristics of the child that should alert attentive parents and bring them to a consultation with a psychologist..

The list below is, of course, far from complete, but it will help you navigate the problem. It makes sense to consult a specialist if:

– the child has problems with heredity;

– the child has a birth injury or other neurological diagnosis;

– the child’s sleep, appetite and daily routine are constantly disturbed;

– a child under one year of age is more than two months behind his peers in any of the psychomotor indicators;

– accustoming to cleanliness causes stubborn resistance; by age three, the child is still regularly peeing or pooping in his pants;

– by the age of two, the child’s speech consists of only a few words; at three years old the child does not speak in sentences;

– the child’s stubbornness is of a particularly “malicious” nature, causing serious inconvenience and even causing direct harm to the child himself or others;

– the child is overly aggressive, regularly hitting children, animals or parents. Does not respond to exhortations;

– the child has many fears, he does not sleep at night, wakes up screaming, and is not left alone even in a bright room;

– the child is often sick colds, has a whole bunch of functional disorders;

– the child’s attentiveness, in your opinion, leaves much to be desired. He is overly disinhibited, constantly distracted, and does not complete anything;

– it seems to you that other children are much smarter (or dumber) than your child. Maybe he is mentally retarded (or a child prodigy)?

– educational problems junior school student are in no hurry to decrease after intensive training with it;

– your child has no friends or permanent acquaintances;

- V high school the child has absolutely no hobbies or they change several times a month;

– conflicts constantly occur between the child and one of the family members;

– you have absolutely stopped understanding what is happening to your son or daughter. His (her) soul is a “black box” for you;

- Everyone at school is complaining about your child. It seems to you that they are unfair;

– the child often leaves home and you do not know where and with whom he spends time;

– the child has committed one or more acts that are commonly called antisocial;

– your teenager has completely neglected his studies. He doesn't seem to care at all;

- your son or daughter has repeatedly argued that life is not worthwhile, or in the heat of a quarrel with you they have threatened to commit suicide;

– the relationships between family members are so complex and confusing that you understand: this cannot but affect the child’s psyche.

Sometimes (in last years more and more often, since the psychological literacy of the population is slowly but steadily growing) parents come to me who simply want to learn more about their child, how to properly build their relationship with him, how to develop his intelligence and emotionality. With such parents, we talk about the immediate age-related crises that their child faces, and about his personal characteristics, and what this can lead to in the future, as well as how to use them most productively. strengths personality and intelligence of the child. This “preventive” line of work seems to me especially promising, because it is known that it is easier to prevent any problem than to deal with it later.

The book we offer you is built on a very simple principle. Each chapter discusses one of the problems typical of a certain age (for example, childhood fears or teenage crisis). The beginning and end of the chapter are dedicated to real case from the author's practice. At the beginning - the beginning, at the end - an analysis of the problem of a particular child or family, methods of therapy, the end of the story. The middle of the chapter is devoted to a popular scientific presentation of everything related to this problem. Again, based on numerous examples.

Sincerely, Ekaterina Murashova

PART ONE.
Psychological problems of preschool age

CHAPTER 1.
Larisa is a capricious child

A young mother named Galya says:

“I just don’t know how to behave.” Until two years we lived quietly. She understood everything. I'll tell you - she'll do it. And now... I say: pick up the toy, and she will also throw another one on the floor. I say: you can’t tear the books, so she’ll wait until I leave the room, take them out of the closet and tear them into small pieces. You start to punish - she screams like a knife and throws herself on the floor. I painted a new kitchen table with a marker - my grandmother almost had a stroke. She grabbed some important paper from her husband’s table and crumpled it up. And he knows that it’s impossible. All the same... On the street too... First: I won’t go for a walk. Then I won’t go home. I no longer understand what she wants. We saw a neurologist and he said she was healthy. True, he prescribed some pills... My husband says: you spoiled her. And it seems like I never spoiled her...

Little Larisa, two and a half years old, is funny, sociable, with a button nose and crafty gray eyes. In the office she climbs into all the drawers, steals all the toys onto the floor, stealthily looks back at her mother, and approaches my keys.

I ask Galya:

– Please tell us what is allowed and what is not allowed in your house...

Galya (hesitantly):

- Well, that is, how... Like everyone else... you can’t draw on wallpaper...

- Where can I?

- In the album, she has a special one, but for some reason she doesn’t draw in it... Well, you can’t take dishes from the sideboard, tear books, open water without asking, splash it, pour it on the floor... Do you think we’re everything to her? Are we prohibiting it or what?! Yes she…

- No, no, I don’t think so at all. Please continue.

Galya (thoughtfully):

- Well, you can’t pick leaves from flowers, torment a cat, climb on a windowsill, touch sockets, knock on furniture... you know, it’s very difficult to list everything. What is it for?

– You see, I asked you to name what Can So what it is forbidden in your house. And the word Can I put it first. You only listed to me it is forbidden…

– Everything else is possible! This is understandable.

- This is clear to you, maybe it’s clear to me... although, however, it’s also not very clear... Is it possible to knock on the walls? Draw on glass with a marker?

Galya (somewhat confused):

- Knock on walls? I-I don’t know...

– Larisa doesn’t know either. The essence of her metamorphosis, which frightened you so much, is that your daughter has ceased to be a simple extension of you. Remember your own formulation: “I said it, she did it.” Now she has own needs, desires and interests. Until recently, your worldviews coincided (more precisely, Larisa used yours), today everything is different. You will say that a newborn baby also has its own needs, for example, to have dry diapers. This is true, but only now, after two years (for each child this age is individual), Larisa realized these desires and needs of hers, to put it scientific language, reflected. The baby “knows” that his main task is to be with his mother, and the satisfaction of all other needs depends entirely on this fact. Not so with two year old child. He already has his own desires, separate from his mother, and one of them is to explore the world. Almost the first thing a child wants to find out about this world is what is possible and what is not. It is in this sequence, because, as you rightly noted, Larisa already knows a lot about what is not possible. But until now she had taken everything on faith. And now he checks - is it really impossible? What will happen if... And what, in the end, is possible?!

Galya (impatiently and slightly irritated):

– So, should I allow her everything?! This is dangerous... and impossible...

– Of course, it’s impossible. You probably just need to consider the fact that your daughter has grown a little and entered the next phase of her development.

– But how to take this into account? Sometimes it seems to me that she is deliberately teasing me...

- Absolutely right. Just doesn’t tease, but studies your reactions. Parents are the first and most important object for research, it’s so natural. And about how to take into account... What considerations do you have now, in light of the above?

– I think we need to tell her directly that it’s possible...

- So-so. And every “no”...

– And every “cannot” is accompanied by a “can”...

- Absolutely right. You can’t tear books, but you can tear old newspapers and advertisements. You can't knock on the sideboard, but you can knock on the board. You can’t jump from a windowsill, but you can jump from a chair or a sofa.

- And further. Since she is now a person with us, we must explain everything to her. I try, but sometimes she gets me like that...

– Maybe Larisa “brings you on” when the explanations are incomprehensible or unconvincing to her? Maybe sometimes we should let her produce little experience? Of course, under your control?

“Yes, probably,” Galya thought. “The little girl kept climbing towards the iron, preventing me from ironing, and my grandmother somehow got angry and said: “You don’t believe this, here’s the iron, take it!” She touched it, got burned and didn’t climb on the table anymore when they were ironing...

- You see how good it is. A combination of explanation and, when possible, experience.

- But there are things... For example, she drags a cat by the tail. And they explained to her a hundred times that the cat was in pain, and the cat scratched her, nothing helps...

- This is very good and important question. Indeed, a child should not be allowed to try to jump from the fifth floor, nor should a child be given a clear explanation of why this should not be done. In such cases, the system of family taboos comes to the rescue. It is unique for each family, but should not include more than two or three points. It must really be very important items related to life, health, as well as basic moral principles of the family. Taboo is what to do undoubtedly it is forbidden. In biological essence, taboos are close to conditioned reflexes. An example of a taboo system adopted in a family.

When I was just planning to purchase the book, I read in reviews of it that the book was devoured almost in one sitting, even by those who usually have difficulty reading about psychology. They say, “Your Incomprehensible Child” is an exciting thing, it is perceived practically as an art book. Well... someone turned it down! I am a persistent reader, I finish almost everything one way or another, but this collection of articles was very difficult for me, I mastered a chapter from time to time. Therefore, I’m not going to recommend the book, I’ll just write about some of its features.

Firstly, “Your Incomprehensible Child” was published in 2002, but, judging by the realities described by Ekaterina Murashova, since then everything has changed very, very much. The book still has strong echoes of perestroika, Soviet family attitudes, the boom in everything foreign, when citizens were just getting their hands on foreign things. It seems to me that the book was written in the dashing 90s, although it was published in the current century.

The author writes about families from St. Petersburg, but some of the parents still work in factories, the grandparents are villagers (“collective farmers” in speech and manners), and the children are talking about entering a vocational school or college. I have a 15-year-old nephew, judging by his conversations, and simply by what we see around, now schoolchildren are all thinking about a university diploma, not about “traveling” for sure. In the text, by the way, I was jarred by the very clear division between urban and “rural.” The author's snobbery does not decorate a book about popular psychology at all. But the point is not even in colleges and not in the fact that the heroes are fans of DiCaprio from “Titanic” - the general impression of devastation in society, characteristic of the 90s, is depressing. In fact, even just reading about an aggressive child is unpleasant, and if at the same time you read about unemployment, crime and the general hopelessness of life, it is doubly unpleasant. Although the problem of childhood aggression is, of course, important, and psychologists need to write about it. Surely the same problems often occur in children now, but the social context, as presented in the book, has nevertheless changed. Those schoolchildren about whom Murashova writes have already managed to give birth to several children themselves. Now both parents and children of a different formation and different attitudes come to child psychologists.

Secondly, it feels like the author works in a children's clinic. Anything suggests birth injuries and neurological problems. I do not agree with the categorical nature of her judgments, for example, that if a child does not speak at two years old, then all the family’s resources should be devoted to treatment. My mental comment: “leave healthy child at rest". And all those who were discharged from the maternity hospital are aware of what neonatologists write: they all had hypoxia, definitely cysts in the brain, suspicions of heart defects, an enlarged liver, and the list goes on. When I got home, I personally threw the statement into the trash (and subsequently stayed away from government medicine). If you don’t take my words at face value, watch the episodes of “Doctor Komarovsky’s School.” Usach is not the ultimate truth, of course, but he clearly explains why neonatologists in the maternity hospital and doctors in the children's clinic are simply forced to find a bunch of abnormalities in every child. If you take all the deviations that they “sang” about to you on faith, then you will spend the first year of your child’s life, or even longer, hanging around neurologists and other “logs,” but do you need it? Considering that any sane doctor will immediately tell you that a “pseudocyst” in the brain is a devil’s bow, not a diagnosis, and certainly does not require treatment. Therefore, Murashova’s belief in all sorts of micro brain damage during childbirth discouraged me, to be honest. Working in a clinic, she, of course, gets involved in this, but her parents don’t need to, in my opinion.

And in general, Murashova is a categorical and tough woman; to be convinced of this, you don’t have to read the whole book, just google her article “The Inevitability of Green Socks.” Few parents will be able to implement such harsh methods. This is tantamount to “let me scream” from Mark Weissbluth (yes, I’m exaggerating, I understand that his method is more complex and multifaceted). It is no coincidence that Weissblut cites just a hundred “eyewitness stories” about how his method helped, and in almost all of them the parents report that they were in pain and bad, but they are glad that they endured a night, two, a week of inconsolable screams, because they see the result. If Weissbluth had cited a couple of such reports, readers would not have been convinced. The method is so severe that it requires more confirmation from those who used it that it worked. And Murashova in her article categorically proposes complete atrocity, for my taste, and with one single example, to boot. In general, she is inflexible. In any case, this is how it is expressed in the letter, that such a style repels me.

Thirdly, for those who are already familiar with the flow of psychological literature for parents, it is unlikely that they will learn anything really new for themselves. If “Your Incomprehensible Child” becomes the first book of its kind for you, then you will know that

Psychological problems in children most often means that the help of a specialist is required primarily by adults;
The parent figure should be endowed with authority, and elders in the family should not hide from responsibility (an adult must live up to his role as a leader);
It is important for everyone, and children in particular, “ reference group", i.e. significant people that help you evaluate your actions, determine what the norm is, understand your experiences, etc. Sometimes the psychologist takes on the function of a reference group;
As far as children are concerned, there are no trifles or unimportant events, because the child has not seen much yet, and everything that happens and everything that his soul lies to is important to him. It is important for parents to know what the child likes and what he is interested in.

Regarding the problems that Ekaterina Murashova writes about: if you think that after reading the chapter about a silent three-year-old child, you will know what to do to make yours speak, then no. In any case, the author does not reveal any miraculous method. Usual advice: consult a neurologist, speech therapist, psychologist. And so on for almost all other difficulties. Top tip: do not start, if in doubt, make an appointment with a psychologist. Unfortunately, 20 years have passed since this work was written, and the availability of child psychologists leaves much to be desired. Perhaps now psychologists on Skype are still helping many people out. On the other hand, there are quite a few charlatans who make money this way from those who need the help of a real specialist.

Ekaterina Murashova. Your incomprehensible child. Psychological recipes for parents

Doctors and employees

children's clinic No. 47

St. Petersburg

with gratitude and respect

Introduction. Health or illness?

Hello, dear parents and educators!

First, let's get acquainted. I am a developmental psychologist. Just 10–15 years ago, nine out of ten people surveyed confidently confused a psychologist with a psychiatrist. Now the situation has changed for the better. A psychologist is not a doctor. As a rule, he does not have a full medical education, does not make diagnoses or prescribe medications. Psychologists mainly work with mentally healthy people. Psychiatrists - doctors by basic training - work with mentally ill people. The main areas of work of a psychologist are psychological testing (which has nothing to do with tests published in popular newspapers and magazines), individual or family counseling, individual, family or group psychotherapy. Today there are a huge number of tests, methods and areas of psychotherapy that a psychologist can use in his work. It is clear that no psychologist uses all of them. Each practicing psychologist or psychotherapist has his own favorite set of methods, which he periodically updates or expands.

Can i? Is it okay that I made an appointment with you?

Sometimes the main work happens with the parents, and they, having changed, influence the behavior or even the health of the children.

But no matter who comes to see me and with what, it always starts with the same question:

Tell me, is it normal if he (she, me, they, etc.)?..

The continuation can be anything, and the question itself may not be expressed in this exact form, but it is always implied. And this, forgive the tautology, is normal.

Because before looking for reasons, intervening in something, changing something, removing, adding or adjusting, it is necessary to find out what is in front of us: a variant of the age norm or a truly pathological deviation?

It's no secret that all children develop differently. There are inherent differences in temperament, inclinations and abilities. Even the youngest children have acquired personality differences, and all this must be taken into account. But there are also some general patterns. It is generally accepted that human development consists of crises and relatively stable periods. The total number and exact timing of the onset of these crises are described differently by different researchers and depend mainly on which theory of personality the researcher relies on. Their periodization of human development was put forward by S. Freud (reliance on psychosexual development), V. Stern (reliance on biogenetic patterns), and domestic researchers L. S. Vygotsky, D. B. Elkonin. There are periodizations for the social development of the child (A. V. Petrovsky), moral development (L. Kohlberg), and intellectual development (J. Piaget, J. Bruner). One of the most famous is the psychoanalytically oriented “theory of psychosocial crises” by the American psychologist Erik Erikson. In total, Erickson identifies eight crises in a person’s life, six of which occur in the period from birth to final adulthood. Other psychologists view crises differently, but they all agree on one thing: the densest growth of crises is precisely in the area of childhood and early adolescence. Then it seems to become calmer (although many, of course, will not agree with this).

The first crisis that a person experiences is, undoubtedly, birth. Its main task is to adapt to the surrounding world.

So, somewhere in the second half of the first year (and certainly towards its end), a normally developing child shows some signs of fear and mistrust towards strangers. He behaves calmly and trustingly with friends and family.

The series of crises, of course, does not end there, but consideration of the crises of adult life is not part of our task and therefore remains outside the scope of this book.

So, first What a parent or teacher needs to remember is: variability of individual age-related psychological development.

Second - existence of crisis age periods, each of which has its own characteristics.

And finally third: There are symptoms, tendencies and behavioral characteristics of the child that should alert attentive parents and bring them to a consultation with a psychologist..

The list below is, of course, far from complete, but it will help you navigate the problem. It makes sense to consult a specialist if:

The child has problems with heredity;

The child has a birth injury or other neurological diagnosis;

The child's sleep, appetite and daily routine are constantly disturbed;

A child under one year of age is more than two months behind his peers in any of the psychomotor indicators;

Accustoming to cleanliness causes stubborn resistance; by age three, the child is still regularly peeing or pooping in his pants;

By the age of two, a child’s speech consists of only a few words; at three years old the child does not speak in sentences;

The child’s stubbornness is of a particularly “malicious” nature, causing serious inconvenience and even causing direct harm to the child himself or others;

The child is overly aggressive and regularly hits children, animals, or parents. Does not respond to exhortations;

The child has many fears, he does not sleep at night, wakes up screaming, and is not left alone even in a bright room;

The child often suffers from colds and has a whole bunch of functional disorders;

Ekaterina Murashova. Your incomprehensible child. Psychological recipes for parents

Doctors and employees

children's clinic No. 47

St. Petersburg

with gratitude and respect

Introduction. Health or illness?

Hello, dear parents and educators!

First, let's get acquainted. I am a developmental psychologist. Just 10–15 years ago, nine out of ten people surveyed confidently confused a psychologist with a psychiatrist. Now the situation has changed for the better. A psychologist is not a doctor. As a rule, he does not have a full medical education, does not make diagnoses or prescribe medications. Psychologists mainly work with mentally healthy people. Psychiatrists - doctors by basic training - work with mentally ill people. The main areas of work of a psychologist are psychological testing (which has nothing to do with tests published in popular newspapers and magazines), individual or family counseling, individual, family or group psychotherapy. Today there are a huge number of tests, methods and areas of psychotherapy that a psychologist can use in his work. It is clear that no psychologist uses all of them. Each practicing psychologist or psychotherapist has his own favorite set of methods, which he periodically updates or expands.

Can i? Is it okay that I made an appointment with you?

Sometimes the main work happens with the parents, and they, having changed, influence the behavior or even the health of the children.

But no matter who comes to see me and with what, it always starts with the same question:

Tell me, is it normal if he (she, me, they, etc.)?..

The continuation can be anything, and the question itself may not be expressed in this exact form, but it is always implied. And this, forgive the tautology, is normal.

It's no secret that all children develop differently. There are inherent differences in temperament, inclinations and abilities. Even the youngest children have acquired personality differences, and all this must be taken into account. But there are also some general patterns. It is generally accepted that human development consists of crises and relatively stable periods. The total number and exact timing of the onset of these crises are described differently by different researchers and depend mainly on which theory of personality the researcher relies on. Their periodization of human development was put forward by S. Freud (reliance on psychosexual development), V. Stern (reliance on biogenetic patterns), and domestic researchers L. S. Vygotsky, D. B. Elkonin. There are periodizations for the social development of the child (A. V. Petrovsky), moral development (L. Kohlberg), and intellectual development (J. Piaget, J. Bruner). One of the most famous is the psychoanalytically oriented “theory of psychosocial crises” by the American psychologist Erik Erikson. In total, Erickson identifies eight crises in a person’s life, six of which occur in the period from birth to final adulthood. Other psychologists view crises differently, but they all agree on one thing: the densest growth of crises is precisely in the area of childhood and early adolescence. Then it seems to become calmer (although many, of course, will not agree with this).

The first crisis that a person experiences is, undoubtedly, birth. Its main task is to adapt to the surrounding world.

The series of crises, of course, does not end there, but consideration of the crises of adult life is not part of our task and therefore remains outside the scope of this book.

So, the first thing a parent or educator needs to remember is the variability of individual age-related psychological development.

The second is the existence of crisis age periods, each of which has its own characteristics.

And finally, third: there are symptoms, inclinations and behavioral characteristics of the child that should alert attentive parents and lead them to consult a psychologist.

The list below is, of course, far from complete, but it will help you navigate the problem. It makes sense to consult a specialist if:

The child has problems with heredity;

The child has a birth injury or other neurological diagnosis;

The child's sleep, appetite and daily routine are constantly disturbed;

A child under one year of age is more than two months behind his peers in any of the psychomotor indicators;

Accustoming to cleanliness causes stubborn resistance; by age three, the child is still regularly peeing or pooping in his pants;

MOSCOW SCOOTER

Doctors and employees

children's clinic No. 47

St. Petersburg

with gratitude and respect.

PART ONE.

CHAPTER 1. Larisa is a capricious child

What are children's whims?

Why are children capricious?

What should parents do when their child is naughty?

How can a specialist help?

Let's return to Larisa...

CHAPTER 2. Grisha - a child disaster

What is hyperdynamic syndrome?

How often does this happen?

How to behave with such a child?

What can we expect in the future?

How can a specialist help?

Let's return to Grisha...

CHAPTER 3. Igor – the little aggressor

What is childhood aggression?

What are the causes of childhood aggression?

How should parents behave if their child is aggressive?

How can a specialist help?

Let's return to Igor...

CHAPTER 4. Galya and her fears

What are childhood fears?

How common are childhood fears?

What are children afraid of?

How do children's fears manifest themselves?

What are the causes of childhood fears?

What can parents do to help their child cope with their fear?

What can a specialist do?

What about Galya?

CHAPTER 5. Zoya, who does not want to learn letters

How the brain develops and mental functions preschool child

At what age should a child be “developed”? How and why is this usually done?

How to develop a child without harming him?

The problem of preparing a child for school. School maturity

How to choose the right school?

What about Zoya?

CHAPTER 6. Borya, who is silent

Child speech development in preschool age. Average norms and individual variations

What are speech development disorders?

Causes of delayed speech development

What can parents do?

How can a specialist help?

And again this Borya...

PART TWO. Psychological problems of school age

CHAPTER 1. Romka is a “dumb” child

Why do children fail in elementary school?

Different Types of School Skills Disabilities

The eternal question: what to do?

Possible consequences of failure in primary school

“Dumb” Romka turns out to be not so stupid

CHAPTER 2. Valery – capable, but lazy...

Why children can, but do not want to study?

Reading and non-reading children

TV, video and computer. Benefit or harm?

What needs to be done to instill in a child hatred of school and aversion to knowledge?

How can teachers and specialists “help” in this matter?

Returning to Valery...

CHAPTER 3. Nikita and his “bad company”

What disorders social behavior in children do we know?

Why do children go “to the left”?

What to do to prevent this from happening? And how to behave if this has already happened?

How can a specialist help?

Returning to Nikita...

CHAPTER 4. Ksyusha is a shy girl

Why are children shy?

What could this lead to?

What needs to be done to prevent this from happening?

Shyness therapy

Returning to Ksyusha...

CHAPTER 5. Excellent student Vasilisa and her neurosis

What is neurosis?

What types of neuroses are there?

The main prerequisites for the occurrence of neuroses in children

What to do if a child has neurosis?

More about excellent student Vasilisa

CHAPTER 6. Vasya Konoplyanikov and his family

Main types of family interaction disorders

Family problems and their impact on the child

The child as a carrier of the symptom of family disharmony

In what cases should you contact a specialist?

Vasya's family

PART THREE. This strange and misunderstood teenager

CHAPTER 1. “Bernicious” Marina

What is a teenage crisis?

Signs of a teenage crisis

When does it start and when does it end?

Goals and objectives of the teenage crisis

How should parents behave?

In what cases should you consult a specialist?

What about Marina?

CHAPTER 2. Veronica and first love

How does the psychosexual development of children and adolescents normally proceed?

What is sex education today and who should do it?

How to behave when faced with teenage feelings? The most common mistakes and findings

How can a specialist help?

Veronica and her love. Ending

CHAPTER 3. Anton, who wants nothing

What is depression?

The problem of purpose and the problem of meaning

How can parents help a teenager find his place in life?

Who and what else can help?

Returning to Anton...

CHAPTER 4. Klava, who did not want to live

Why do people try to commit suicide? How often does this happen?

Causes and consequences of suicidal feelings in adolescence

How to prevent the worst? What to do if there has already been one suicide attempt?

Klava again...

CHAPTER 5. Lena and rock and roll

What is a reference group and why does a teenager need it?

What are youth idols? Why are they needed and what are they?

Where are the limits of the norm and how to protect the child?

More about Lena...

CONCLUSION. Work is like work...

INTRODUCTION
Health or illness?

Hello, dear parents and educators!

First, let's get acquainted. I am a developmental psychologist. Just 10–15 years ago, nine out of ten people surveyed confidently confused a psychologist with a psychiatrist. Now the situation has changed for the better. A psychologist is not a doctor. As a rule, he does not have a full medical education, does not make diagnoses or prescribe medications. Psychologists mainly work with mentally healthy people. Psychiatrists, who are doctors by training, work with mentally ill people. The main areas of work of a psychologist are psychological testing (which has nothing to do with tests published in popular newspapers and magazines), individual or family counseling, individual, family or group psychotherapy. Today there are a huge number of tests, methods and areas of psychotherapy that a psychologist can use in his work. It is clear that no psychologist uses all of them. Each practicing psychologist or psychotherapist has his own favorite set of methods, which he periodically updates or expands.