Signs of high self-esteem in a girl. Types of high self-esteem

In my practice, I constantly come across the question that clients ask me: " Why do people treat me this way, what’s wrong with my self-esteem?"First, let's figure out what self-esteem is in principle. It is an assessment of oneself, one's strengths and weaknesses. Self-esteem can be:

underestimated - underestimating one’s own strengths;
overestimated - overestimation of one’s own strengths;
normal - adequate assessment of oneself, one’s own strengths in certain life situations, in setting your goals and objectives, adequate perception world, in communication with people.

What are the signs of low self-esteem?

The attitude of others as an indicator. How a person treats himself is how others treat him. If he does not love, respect and value himself, then he is faced with the same attitude of people towards him.
Inability to manage your own life. A person believes that he cannot cope with something, cannot make a decision, hesitates, thinks that nothing depends on him in this life, but depends on circumstances, other people, the state. Doubting his capabilities and strengths, he either does nothing at all or shifts the responsibility for choice to others.
Tendency to blame others or self-flagellation. Such people do not know how to take responsibility for their lives. When it is beneficial for them, they engage in self-flagellation so that they will be pitied. And if they want not pity, but self-justification, then they blame others for everything.
The desire to be good, to please, to be liked, to adapt to another person to the detriment of oneself and one’s personal desires.
Frequent complaints to others. Some people with low self-esteem tend to complain about others and constantly blame them, thereby removing responsibility for failures from themselves. It’s not for nothing that they say that best protection- this is an attack.
Focusing on your shortcomings rather than your strengths. In particular, excessive criticism of one’s appearance. A sign of low self-esteem is being picky about your appearance, constant dissatisfaction your figure, eye color, height and body in general.
Permanent nervousness, groundless aggression. And vice versa - apathy and depressive states from loss of oneself, the meaning of life, a failure, criticism from others, a failed exam (interview), etc.
Loneliness or, conversely, fear of loneliness. Quarrels in relationships, excessive jealousy, as a result of the thought: “You can’t love someone like me.”
The development of addictions and addictions as a way of temporarily escaping reality.
Strong dependence on the opinions of other people. Inability to refuse. Painful reaction to criticism. Absence/suppression of one's own desires.
Closedness, closedness from people. Feeling sorry for yourself. Inability to accept compliments. Persistent state victims. As they say, the victim will always find an executioner.
Heightened sense of guilt. Critical situations he tries on himself, without sharing his guilt and the role of the current circumstances. He accepts any showdown in relation to himself as the culprit of the situation, because this will be the “best” confirmation of his inferiority.

How does high self-esteem manifest itself?

Arrogance. A person puts himself above others: "I'm better than them". Constant competition as a way to prove this, “flaunting” one’s merits.
Closedness as one of the manifestations of arrogance and a reflection of the thought that others are lower than him in status, intelligence and other qualities.
Confidence in your own rightness and constant proof of this is the “salt” of life. The last word must always remain with him. The desire to control the situation, to play a dominant role. Everything should be done as he sees fit, those around him should dance to his tune.
Setting lofty goals. If they are not achieved, frustration sets in. A person suffers, falls into depression, apathy, and despises himself.
Inability to admit your mistakes, apologize, ask for forgiveness, lose. Fear of evaluation. Painful reaction to criticism.
Fear of making a mistake, appearing weak, defenseless, unsure of yourself.
The inability to ask for help is a reflection of the fear of appearing defenseless. If he asks for help, it is more like a demand, an order.
Focus only on yourself. Puts his own interests and hobbies first.
The desire to teach the lives of others, to “poke” them into the mistakes they have made and show them how to do it by the example of oneself. Self-affirmation at the expense of others. Boastfulness. Excessive familiarity. Arrogance.
Predominance of the pronoun “I” in speech. In conversations he says more than he does. Interrupts interlocutors.

For what reasons can failures in self-esteem occur?

Childhood trauma, the causes of which can be any event significant for the child, and there are a huge number of sources.

Oedipus period. Age from 3 to 6-7 years. At an unconscious level, the child acts out a partnership with his parent of the opposite sex. And the way the parent behaves will affect the child’s self-esteem and how he or she will develop a scenario for relationships with the opposite sex in the future.

Teenage years. Age 13 to 17-18 years. The teenager searches for himself, trying on masks and roles, building his life path. He tries to find himself by asking the question: “Who am I?”

Certain attitudes towards children from significant adults(lack of affection, love, attention), as a result of which children may begin to feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, unrecognized, etc.

Some patterns of parental behavior which subsequently passes on to the children and becomes their behavior in life. For example, low self-esteem among the parents themselves, when the same projections are imposed on the child.

The only child in the family when all attention is focused on him, everything is only for him, when there is an inadequate assessment by the parents of his abilities. This is where high self-esteem comes from, when a child cannot adequately assess his strengths and abilities. He begins to believe that the whole world is only for him, everyone owes him, there is an emphasis only on himself, the cultivation of egoism.

Low assessment by parents and relatives of the child, his abilities and actions. The child is not yet able to evaluate himself and forms an opinion about himself based on the assessment of people significant to him (parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.). As a result, the child develops low self-esteem.

Constant criticism of a child leads to low self-esteem, low self-esteem and closedness. In the absence of approval of creative endeavors and admiration for them, the child feels unrecognized for his abilities. If this is followed by constant criticism and scolding, then he refuses to create, create, and therefore develop anything.

Excessive demands on the child can foster both high and low self-esteem. Often parents want to see their child the way they would like to see themselves. They impose their destiny on it, building on it projections of their goals that they could not achieve themselves. But beyond this, parents stop seeing the child as a person, beginning to see only their projections, roughly speaking, of themselves, their ideal selves. The child is sure: " For my parents to love me, I must be what they want me to be.". He forgets about his present self and can either successfully or unsuccessfully meet parental requirements.

Comparison with other good children lowers self-esteem. Conversely, the desire to please parents inflates self-esteem in pursuit and competition with others. Then other children are not friends, but rivals, and I must be better than others.

Overprotection, excessive taking of responsibility for the child in making decisions for him, right down to who to be friends with, what to wear, when and what to do. As a result, the child ceases to develop the Self; he does not know what he wants, does not know who he is, does not understand his needs, abilities, desires. Thus, parents cultivate in him lack of independence and, as a result, low self-esteem (up to the loss of the meaning of life).

Desire to be like a parent, which can be either natural or forced, when the child is constantly repeated: “Your parents have achieved so much, you should be like them, you have no right to fall flat on your face.”. There is a fear of slipping up, making a mistake, or not being perfect, as a result of which self-esteem may be low and initiative may be completely killed.

Above I have given some of the common reasons why problems with self-esteem arise. It is worth adding that the line between the two “poles” of self-esteem can be quite thin. For example, overestimating oneself may be a compensatory and protective function of underestimating one’s strengths and capabilities.

As you might already understand, most problems are adult life stem from childhood. A child’s behavior, his attitude towards himself and the attitude towards him from surrounding peers and adults build certain strategies in life. Childhood behavior carries over into adulthood with all its defense mechanisms.

Eventually wholes line up life scenarios adult life. And this happens so organically and imperceptibly for ourselves that we do not always understand why certain situations happen to us, why people behave this way with us. We feel unnecessary, unimportant, unloved, we feel that we are not valued, we are offended and hurt by this, we suffer. This all manifests itself in relationships with loved ones, colleagues and superiors, the opposite sex, and society as a whole.

It is logical that both low and high self-esteem are not the norm. Such states cannot truly make you happy man. Therefore, something needs to be done about the current situation. If you yourself feel that it’s time to change something, that you would like something in your life to become different, then the time has come.

How to deal with low self-esteem?

Make a list of your qualities strengths, qualities that you like about yourself or that your loved ones like. If you don't know, ask them about it. In this way, you will begin to see the positive aspects of your personality, thereby beginning to cultivate self-esteem.
Make a list of the things that bring you pleasure. If possible, start performing them for yourself. By doing this, you will cultivate love and care for yourself.
Make a list of your desires and goals and move in that direction.
Exercising gives you tone, lifts your mood, and allows you to take quality care of your body, which you are so unhappy with. At the same time there is a release negative emotions, which were accumulated and did not have the opportunity to exit. And, of course, you will have objectively less time and energy for self-flagellation.
Keeping an achievement diary can also boost your self-esteem. If every time you write down your biggest and smallest victories in it.
Make a list of qualities that you would like to develop in yourself. Develop them with help different techniques and meditations, of which there are now plenty both on the Internet and offline.
Communicate more with those whom you admire, who understand you, and from communication with whom “wings grow.” In parallel, minimize to possible level contacts with those who criticize, humiliate, etc.

Scheme of working with inflated self-esteem

First you need to understand that each person is unique in his own way, everyone has the right to their own point of view.
Learn not only to listen, but also to hear people. After all, something is also important to them, they have their own desires and dreams.
When caring for others, do it based on their needs, and not on what you think is right. For example, you came to a cafe, your interlocutor wants coffee, but you think that tea would be healthier. Don't force your tastes and opinions on him.
Allow yourself to make mistakes and mistakes. This provides real ground for self-improvement and valuable experience with which people become wiser and stronger.
Stop arguing with others and proving that you are right. You may not know it yet, but in many situations, everyone can be right in their own way.
Don't get depressed if you couldn't achieve the desired result. It’s better to analyze the situation to see why it happened, what you did wrong, what was the reason for the failure.
Learn adequate self-criticism (of yourself, your actions, decisions).
Stop competing with others on every issue. Sometimes it looks extremely stupid.
Stick out your merits as little as possible, thereby underestimating others. The objective merits of a person do not need to be clearly demonstrated - they are seen through actions.

There is one law that helps me a lot in life and in working with clients:
Be.Do. Have.

What does it mean?

“To have” is a goal, a desire, a dream. This is the result you want to see in your life.

“Doing” means strategies, tasks, behavior, actions. These are the actions that lead to the desired result.

“Be” is your sense of yourself. Who are you inside yourself, for real, and not for others? Who do you feel like?

In my practice, I like to work with the “being of a person,” with what happens inside him. Then “to do” and “to have” will come by themselves, organically forming into the picture that a person wants to see, into the life that satisfies him and allows him to feel happy. Where work more efficiently with cause, not effect. Eliminating the root of the problem, what creates and attracts similar problems, not relief current state, allows you to really improve the situation.

In addition, the problem is not always and not everyone is aware of; it can sit deep in the unconscious. Working in this way is necessary in order to return a person to himself, to his unique values and resources, his strength, his own life path and understanding of this path. Without this, self-realization in society and in the family is impossible. For this reason, I believe that the optimal way for a person to interact with himself is “being” therapy, not “doing”. This is not only effective, but also the safest, shortest path.

You were given two options: “do” and “be”, and everyone has the right to choose which way to go. Find a way to yourself. Not what society dictates to you, but to yourself - unique, real, holistic. How you will do this, I don’t know. But I am sure that you will find a way that will be better in your case. I have found this in personal therapy and have used it successfully in certain areas. therapeutic techniques quick change and personality transformation. Thanks to this, I found myself, my path, my calling.

Good luck in your endeavors!

He is high in his opinions, but low in his deeds.

Russian proverb

Inflated self-esteem as a personality quality is a tendency to have inflated ideas about the importance of one’s personal activities among other people, one’s own qualities and feelings, advantages and disadvantages.

Two friends are talking. One asks: “Listen, how are things going with your self-esteem?” He answered him: - Yes, not really... We are Gods, simple people...

High self-esteem is when a person is too good opinion about your capabilities. Being under the influence of the energy of passion, he overestimates his abilities, personal potential, and his merits. Daniil Kharms jokes: “Listen, friends! You really can’t bow down to me like that. I’m just like you all, only better.”

There are three types of self-esteem: overestimated, underestimated and adequate. Inflated self-esteem is when, in the opinion of authoritative, competent people, it is higher than adequate. For example, an ignorant, ignorant amateur with a learned air of an expert begins to build and teach everyone. This is tactlessness, bad manners and inflated self-esteem.

Inflated self-esteem is a measure of personality inadequacy. A person inadequately imagines his image and, accordingly, inadequately sees what this image can achieve. For example, a mumble imagines himself confident and decisive. People quickly scan for discrepancies between the real person and her self-image. Inadequate, inflated self-esteem prevents you from finding a common language with people. How will you find mutual language, if they talk to you like you’re a mumbler, and you imagine yourself as a decisive Marshal Zhukov? It is extremely difficult to achieve the goal with such a gap.

Inflated self-esteem is the sister of megalomania. Often she asserts herself at the expense of other people's mistakes, miscalculations and failures. An overpriced person considers himself better than others, thinks that everyone should listen to him and obey him.

— Don’t you think that you have inflated self-esteem? “You say that as if it’s my fault, that I’m better than you!”

Setting high demands on himself, he often sets himself ambitious, unattainable goals. When there is a failure in achieving goals, he may even get sick. An overestimater ascribes to himself non-existent virtues or overestimates their level of development. It always turns out either above the norm or above the actually existing level.

The overpriced person demonstrates a distorted development of self-awareness, manifested in a lack of severity with oneself, arrogance and conceit. Being an adherent of inflated self-esteem, he inevitably cultivates selfishness in himself, excessive self-confidence and unhealthy selfishness. Natalya Andreeva in “Ariadne’s Threads” writes: “Another oddity that strikes me in people. It seems that before looking in the mirror, they paste a picture from a glossy magazine onto it and look not at their reflection, but at a Photoshop masterpiece. A girl of quite ordinary appearance sees a fashion model every time and wonders: “Why am I not a star yet?”

It would seem that what’s wrong with a person thinking about himself better than he really is? As a rule, high self-esteem is usually a compensation for feelings of self-doubt. In other words, the platform for inflated self-esteem is usually low self-esteem, which a person tries to overcome by exaggerating his merits. Like any compensation, inadequate self-esteem provokes constant efforts to maintain the illusion of success in oneself and other people. Having pumped up his self-esteem, a person temporarily receives competitive advantages, for example, during castings, hiring. Confidence, ambition, success win here.

But soon the fake is discovered. It turns out that they hired fake confidence and initiative. After a shameful expulsion from work, depression and despondency sets in. Self-esteem drops. The person feels like a failure.

There is also a phenomenon described by Irvin Yalom in the book “When Nietzsche Wept”: “I know many people who do not like themselves and try to improve the situation by achieving good attitude from others. Having achieved this, they begin to feel good about themselves. But this does not solve the problem, it is submission to the authority of another. You must accept yourself - and not look for ways to achieve my recognition."

Here, according to psychologists, are several signs that a person has high self-esteem:
Complete confidence in your infallibility and correctness in any situation.
Non-recognition of authorities - if someone’s opinion goes against the opinion of such a person, then this opinion is erroneous for him.
The desire to argue and prove to everyone that you are right.
Absolute confidence that the cause of his problems and failures is someone or something - certain circumstances, but in no way he himself. Such a person never looks for the cause of the problem in himself.
The desire to be better than others, the desire to gain recognition from others, to be in the lead.
“I-ness” - he constantly uses the pronoun “I” in his speech. (By the way, one of my friends with high self-esteem always wrote the pronoun “I” in his letters with capital letter)
Refusal to help. Asking such a person for help indicates that he cannot cope with something himself, and this is humiliating for him.
Self-criticism is sharply reduced, and any criticism from another person is perceived aggressively.
Fear of making a mistake, the desire to always do everything better than others.
Painful feelings about failures, which are carefully hidden from others if possible.

The material world is filled with false self-esteem. We evaluate ourselves at the level physical body in the context of strength, beauty, health, youth. But try to evaluate yourself at the soul level, and the result will immediately be discouraging. Souls are all equal, only differently conditioned by some personality traits. For some, the energy of the soul is refracted by meanness, envy, and greed. For others - goodwill, compassion and caring.

Psychologist Vasily Tushkin writes: “And it may happen that people are so accustomed to their assessments, self-esteem at the physical level, subtle body, that when spiritual knowledge comes to them, it is a little discouraging to them. Imagine that a person at the level of physical self-esteem is big, handsome, young, prominent, wonderful, and the subtle body is, in principle, normal - higher education, maybe several higher education, and in general he has a reputation smart person, and not stupid, and then suddenly he learns that he is a spiritual being, which is different from both the subtle body and the physical body. This means that immediately, instantly, all these advantages of his on the external, physical level, they cost almost nothing - that’s all. Because we say: “I am not the body. I am not a body, I am not... I have a personal soul.” And before God, all these advantages of mine on the physical and subtle level can simply be ridiculous, because they don’t seem to be worth much in spiritual life itself.”

Peter Kovalev

Inflated self-esteem has become the subject of discussion among psychologists, psychiatrists and even philosophers. Is a person able to control this phenomenon, how can it be cured, and how can loved ones help - these questions have been asked more than once by experts.

History of appearance

Initially, it is worth understanding where the phenomenon comes from, in which a person tends to inadequately draw conclusions about himself, his abilities and capabilities. Psychologists say that almost any individual can face the problem of overestimating themselves. Most at risk famous personalities and children who were praised too often by their parents. There is also a high probability of a “narcissist” appearing in a family where the child grew up alone, without brothers and sisters.

It is noteworthy that most often the reason for this behavior is low self-esteem, which they have unsuccessfully tried to combat. If a person experiences a low level of sympathy for himself, he cannot find in himself positive traits, sooner or later his subconscious is faced with a choice: give up and stop all attempts, or put on a mask for the environment. Over time, he begins to believe that he truly is the chosen one, a unique person. The only problem is that all this is nothing more than an illusion. Instead of working hard and developing towards the goal, the “narcissist” withdraws into himself, and for his own comfort he tries to convince others of his impeccability.

It is important that a person with high self-esteem can never feel like a completely happy person. Gradually, all attempts to appear better, coupled with failures, lead to depression, which, in turn, can result in a suicide attempt.

How do you know if you assess yourself adequately?

Usually the person himself is not able to analyze whether his self-esteem is inflated, since for this it is necessary to be able to adequately evaluate himself, excluding emotions. Other people are not able to draw rational conclusions, because they still judge others with a fair amount of subjectivity. But there are some signs that will help you understand whether your level of self-perception is in order.

According to research in psychology, most often people who have high self-esteem exhibit the following specific character traits and behavior:

A person absolutely loves to argue on any issue, without giving his opponents the opportunity to challenge his point of view;
Always leaves the last word behind oneself, without caring whether it is appropriate;
Opposing opinions are considered absurd and ridiculous, the “narcissist” does not even admit the idea that every person has the right to think in his own way;
Based on the previous point, a person with high self-esteem inadequately assesses reality in principle and cannot understand that there is a significant number of subjective things;
Insanely selfish person most time he speaks, thinks and cares exclusively about himself (to understand whether this goes beyond the bounds of reason, perhaps by observing his relationships with close people - family and friends);
Demonstrates a tendency to compete, cannot calmly rejoice for others and congratulate them, constantly strives to be the best in everything, while putting in a minimum of effort;
For his troubles and failures he blames everyone except himself: family, loved one, friends, the state, weather and many other factors;
Due to confidence in one’s own rightness and non-involvement in the events taking place in life, an individual may for some time “get involved” in religion, esotericism and others. unconventional methods take your mind off reality;
He expresses his opinion in any convenient or uncomfortable situation, not caring at all that he was not asked, and no one plans to listen to it;
Experiences difficulties in communicating with people because he absolutely does not know how to apologize, admit his mistakes and correct them;
Loves moral teaching, pesters people with his recommendations even in the simplest things, such as household, self-care and others;
Not less people loves to criticize others and impose his vision of the world on them: such an individual can insult people because of their tastes, interests, or even appearance that do not meet its requirements;
Few people enjoy communicating with him, since the person constantly interrupts, does not listen to the interlocutor, and always waits for a pause in the conversation so that Once again insert a remark about yourself;
It happens that people with high self-esteem pester strangers with their conversations, untimely inserting their “and I...”, “and I have...” and other similar remarks;
He is insanely afraid that others will discover his fear, self-doubt and other, in the “narcissist’s” opinion, signs of weakness;
One cannot call him reliable in relation to loved ones, since a person puts his interests first;
May let colleagues or partners down by not notifying about changes in their plans or by not showing up for a business meeting;
Doesn't look for easy ways, takes only the most complex tasks, without calculating the risks, which is why it often fails.

It is very important to periodically test yourself, analyze your thoughts and actions, as well as their reasons. A person who has inflated self-esteem not only demonstrates a critical level of egoism, but also considers it completely rational and sees no point in doing anything differently. He easily finds excuses for any of his actions and deceives close people without remorse. Gradually, communication with the “narcissist” becomes impossible, since he constantly talks exclusively about himself, his achievements and plans. Stories can be repeated several times, because a person who overestimated himself told them too often to a variety of people.

Any person can independently diagnose such a phenomenon as inflated self-esteem. If you most often talk only about yourself, are guided by momentary whims, ignoring the needs of even those closest to you, you should do something about it.

If you are convinced that you do not adequately assess your own strengths and abilities, next step becomes a search for a path to recovery.

First, remember that nothing is impossible: you will definitely succeed if you put enough effort into it.

On initial stage It would be a good idea to keep a diary in which you can clearly structure the latest events. Write down a list of mandatory tasks there on the way to achieving your goal, and in the evening check whether you have completed everything. You shouldn’t scold yourself for an incomplete list, but it’s also not advisable to relax. Calculate the tasks completed as a percentage, and at the end of the week (or month) compare the results. It is important to see progress, no matter how small.

Pay attention to other people. Chat with men and women of different ages and social status. Be interested in their lives, ask questions - you shouldn’t talk about yourself more than half the time spent in conversation. Surround yourself with a wide variety of personalities, each of whom has something to tell you. Don’t try to bring the whole world to your standards, learn to see the beauty in every moment.

Many people find it helpful to achieve harmony within themselves by spending a long time in nature, especially near bodies of water. Take a break from everything, engage in introspection, read several books on different topics, watch the sunset every evening. Gradually this leads to the realization of how many things in the world are of secondary importance. Just think how many exciting things you can miss if you can't see beyond your own nose.

Sometimes it is worth abandoning any grading system completely. You are important, no matter what, and for this you do not need to go out of your way and prove something every day. Do what you consider necessary and important. Engage in creativity and charity, discuss with smart people. Sometimes there are no winners in a dispute, and opponents enjoy the very process of exchanging opinions, because it is in such situations that the truth is born.

Remember that high self-esteem is not a fatal diagnosis. While a person is alive, he can change everything around him, but he should start with himself.

Today we will talk about how they differ high and low personal self-esteem. After reading this article, you will find out what it is personality self-esteem, why it is needed, what main functions it performs, what are the main signs and reasons for low and high self-esteem, and many other interesting and useful information about this theme. We will need all this in order to consider in the next article how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence. So, first things first.

What is personal self-esteem?

Let's start with a definition. Self-esteem is a person’s opinion about himself, about self, its advantages and disadvantages, about one’s physical capabilities and spiritual qualities, about one’s abilities and skills, about one’s appearance, comparing oneself with other people, self-image against the background of others.

IN modern world adequate self-esteem and self-confidence are one of the key factors in any business.

If a person does not have self-confidence, he will not be able to convince his interlocutor of something, he will not be able to lead other people, therefore, in general, it will be much more difficult for him to follow the intended path.

Personal self-esteem plays a huge role in human development and achievement. Without adequate self-esteem, a person is unlikely to achieve success in business, build a career, or be happy in life. personal life, will generally achieve something.

Functions of self-esteem.

Psychologists identify 3 main functions of personality self-esteem:

Protective function. Personal self-esteem forms the degree of a person’s independence from other people’s opinions, and self-confidence makes it possible to feel relatively protected from the influence of any external unfavorable factors.
Regulatory function. Self-esteem gives a person the opportunity to make choices and regulate his life path: to independently set and follow his own goals, and not someone else’s.
Developmental function. Thanks to self-esteem, a person develops and improves, since it acts as a kind of motivating factor for.

Low, high and inflated self-esteem.

You can often hear such expressions as “adequate self-esteem”, “low or low self-esteem”, “high self-esteem”, “inflated self-esteem”. Let's figure out what they mean in simple words.

Low self-esteem (low self-esteem)- this is giving yourself, your personality, lower ratings and characteristics than they really are.

Heightened self-esteem- this is the perception of one’s own personality on a more high level compared to reality.

Respectively, adequate, ideal, high self-esteem- this is the most objective and realistic assessment of one’s own personality, perceiving it as it is: no better and no worse.

Both low and high self-esteem prevent a person from developing, but this manifests itself in different ways. In fact, there are very few people with adequate, high (but not inflated!) self-esteem. Numerous studies by psychologists have proven that most often people have low self-esteem, which is one of the most serious reasons for their failures in life. Including, in relation to the theme of the site Financial Genius - and low level. Therefore, it is very important for people who have low self-esteem to think about increasing their self-esteem, and not just think about it, but begin to act in this direction.

Signs of low self-esteem.

Since it is always difficult for a person to evaluate himself objectively, let's look at characteristic features, which indicate that he has low self-esteem.

Constant dissatisfaction with yourself, your work, family, life in general;
Constant self-criticism and soul-searching;
Increased sensitivity to criticism and comments from other people, strong reaction to criticism;
Strong dependence on the opinions of others;
The desire to act in accordance with common stereotypes, the search for approval from others, the desire to please everyone, the desire to justify one’s actions to others;
Indecisiveness, fear of making mistakes, severe frustration and feelings after making a mistake;
A strong feeling of jealousy, especially without reason;
A strong feeling of envy of the successes, achievements, and lives of other people;
Constant grievances, incl. for nothing;
Dissatisfaction with your appearance;
Hostile attitude towards the surrounding world (everyone around is an enemy);
Constant feeling of fear and defensive position;
A pronounced pessimistic attitude.

The more of these signs you find in yourself, the more you should think about how to increase your self-esteem and gain self-confidence.

Problems and difficulties arise in the life of absolutely any person, but the difference in their perception is important. A person with low self-esteem perceives all temporary problems as permanent, as his “hard fate,” and therefore is always negative and pessimistic. As a result, all this can even cause serious mental disorders. While a person with adequate self-esteem strives to overcome emerging difficulties and does everything possible for this.

Why do you need high self-esteem?

Now let's look again at why adequate, high self-esteem is so important. Many people have a stereotypical opinion that high self-esteem is bad, that you need to “know your place and sit and keep a low profile.” And such a belief, by the way, is also one of the signs of low self-esteem.

In fact, low self-esteem of an individual gives rise to a lot of problems, causes the development of complexes and even mental disorders, and most importantly, it greatly hinders a person’s development and movement forward. Simply because he is not sure that he can go through any specific steps. Such people “go with the flow,” and the main thing for them is that no one bothers them.

High self-esteem, on the contrary, opens the way to achievements, to new heights, new areas of activity.

There is one more important point: if a person has low self-esteem, other people will never rate him highly (and this, as you remember, is important for him!). While a person with high self-esteem is always known and respected, his opinion is valued and listened to.

People will begin to appreciate and respect you only when you have adequate high self-esteem and self-confidence. Believe in yourself and then others will believe in you!

Signs of high self-esteem.

Now, by analogy, let's highlight the main signs that you have high self-esteem, you were able to raise it, or it was like that (in this case, you are great!).

You are always confident in yourself, your strengths and capabilities;
You accept yourself as you are;
You are not afraid to make mistakes, you learn from them, perceive them as experience, and move on;
You are calm when you are criticized, you distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism;
You easily make contact and find a common language with different people, do not be afraid of communication;
You always have your own point of view on any issues;
You strive for self-development and self-improvement;
You tend to achieve success in your endeavors.

Reasons for low self-esteem.

To talk about how to increase self-esteem and self-confidence, it is also necessary to know the causes of low self-esteem, since eliminating the cause is more effective than dealing with the consequences. Interestingly, these reasons can be of a very different nature, ranging from genetic predisposition, ending social environment, the conditions in which a person grows and develops. Let's look at them.

Reason 1. Wrong upbringing. Parents raised many people only with the “whip”, constantly scolding, comparing not in better side with other children. Naturally, such a child develops low self-esteem from childhood: he cannot do anything, he is bad, he is a loser, others are better.

Reason 2. A series of failures or psychological trauma. It happens that a person often has failures, and especially when there are many of them, and they come in succession, he begins to perceive this as a pattern, his own weakness, his own powerlessness. Or it could be one thing, but very significant event, which psychologists call “ psychological trauma" This is especially pronounced, again, in children and adolescents (namely in early age self-esteem is primarily formed). Accordingly, a person develops low self-esteem: he cannot be confident in himself and “programs” himself in advance for failure.

Reason 3. Lack of life goals. Very serious reason low self-esteem. If a person does not have clearly expressed ones, he has nothing to strive for, there is no need to develop. Such a person leads a passive lifestyle, without developing his personal qualities. He doesn’t dream, doesn’t care about his appearance or his well-being, and such a person often has not just low self-esteem, but non-existent self-esteem.

Reason 4. Environment and social environment. The formation of a person’s self-esteem is greatly influenced by the environment in which a person is located. If he grows and develops among amorphous people without goals, floating with the flow, he himself will most likely be the same, low self-esteem is guaranteed. But if he is surrounded by ambitious, constantly developing and successful people, which are good example to follow, a person will strive to keep up with them, and he is more likely to develop adequate, high self-esteem.

Reason 5. Problems with appearance or health. And finally, another significant reason for low self-esteem is the presence of certain defects in appearance or visible health problems ( excess weight, poor vision, etc.). Again, with early years Such people may be subject to ridicule and insults, so they often develop low self-esteem, which interferes throughout their adult lives.

Now you have a certain idea of what personal self-esteem is, how low and high self-esteem differ, what are their signs and causes. And in the next article we will talk about how to raise your self-esteem if it is low.

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Is high self-esteem a recipe for failure? Or the path to success? Everyone thinks differently, however, it is not in our competence to judge someone, the main thing is to understand how inflated self-esteem affects life and relationships with people. And in general, what is hidden behind it?

You need to start by defining what self-esteem is in general. So, a person of his abilities, skills and abilities. It follows from the definition that the vision of oneself may differ, because everyone has their own view of what is happening.

Based on the works of psychologists, we conclude that self-esteem is an integral part of personality formation, because it develops and ossifies along with self-awareness. But it should be noted that our opinion of ourselves can be, on the one hand, adequate - normal, average, on the other hand, inadequate - high self-esteem and low self-esteem. Let's take it in order.

Adequate, whatever it may be, is considered the norm, because a person takes a sober look at what he does, what he strives for and what he is generally capable of. These three levels can transform into each other, which depends only on our efforts. Self-esteem is an indicator of our achievements and relationships with the outside world.

So, if the level is low, then the person is not confident in his abilities, does not find himself happy, tries not to stand out from the crowd, considering his character and his life boring and uninteresting. But such a person may still make efforts to achieve something, and after success, the level of self-esteem will most likely change.

People with average and high self-esteem are more prone to an optimistic outlook on life, most often confident in their abilities, but sometimes, especially after failures from which no one is immune, they can be despondent. In relationships with other individuals, they for the most part do not show negativity, however, they do not strive to please everyone, therefore they do not ingratiate themselves and do not impose their communication.

If we analyze low self-esteem, then there is low self-esteem, which reaches the point of self-flagellation. Such individuals tend to feel sorry for themselves and blame fate for all problems, without trying to find the reasons within. Self-analysis for them is limited to self-criticism, but at the same time there is no search for any ways to improve their situation.

Inflated self-esteem, paradoxically, is most often just a mask. In general, such an assessment of oneself and one’s behavior, when other people are seen only in the worst light, and one’s own person comes first; when the confidence that you know everything better than even the most competent specialists is unnatural for a person.

Often such people hide. As you know, the best defense is an attack, so they praise themselves in every possible way so that no one will guess about their true fears.

It is believed that it is more difficult to change a person who has high self-esteem, since he does not listen to any advice, believing that he knows everything better than many. There is no point in getting into an argument, because they will never look at their behavior from the outside. As psychologists say, self-esteem is something that comes from childhood. In this case, the parents overdid it, presenting their child as the best, comparing with other children who were supposedly worse.

It is quite possible to overcome low and low self-esteem. A few training sessions are enough. For example, write on a piece of paper all your achievements for which you felt at least briefly proud. Be sure to stop all attempts to compare with other people, realize your individuality. And stop criticizing yourself for any reason, learn to forgive minor shortcomings (not delivering a project on time - it happens to everyone, but, for example, you did what you love). By the way, a hobby is a great way to boost your self-esteem - it’s been scientifically proven.

So, we figured out what self-esteem is and described its main types. I would like that after reading the article you honestly classify yourself into any category and, if necessary, work on yourself, because healthy self-esteem is the key to success.