I'm scared to be alone at home. Fear of being alone at home

Hello. I want to hear someone's advice or hint. I am 13 years old. Something happened that makes me shake and I can’t close my eyes and fall asleep. I'm scared.
It was 2 am and I was asleep. I sleep with open window. I am getting up. Outside the window I hear the sounds of metal, as if something is being beaten against something... Then I hear a woman screaming. I thought maybe I was drunk or something. But then I hear wild screams: help! I was scared. I heard someone running, something else was happening. I can't explain it in words. But then someone besides me probably heard it and ran out there, because I heard the girl yelling: please, faster, faster, faster, and someone running. Although I’m not afraid of this, I went up and closed the window. I'm really scared. I've calmed down, but I'm scared. I close my eyes and see how they kill me or my friend, etc. I can’t sleep. And I don't know what to do. Should I tell my mother... How to live with this?

4 answers

Hello everybody.
I still don’t understand why I’m writing here, maybe I want to talk out, maybe I just want to hear kind word.
The fact is that on my mother’s side, I don’t know how many, stroke is transmitted. Well, literally 40 minutes ago I found out that my mother, who is so young, may have it. It’s not that it was a shock for me or that I didn’t expect to hear it at all, on the contrary, the symptoms were... Problems with speech, for example, but the extreme point was that she had just recently skidded to the side, she fell and lost consciousness. She says she's overtired.
Now I'm very scared, I can't sleep, I cry and cry. Mom is not the first dear person, who was affected by this... Remembering my grandmother, who was very young, my uncle, who was 3 years older than my mother... I’m so scared, Lord.
To confirm the diagnosis, we need to take an MRI, which we can’t afford... At least for now. We have always experienced financial difficulties, so what.
I'm desperate, but I hope for the best. I’m sitting, reproaching myself for possible injustice to my mother, for my attitude towards certain things, this year we fought very often (the damn character showed up), well, I knew, I knew that the likelihood of this was high...
All in all. Thank you for reading my whining.
Girl, 16 years old.

5 answers

Here’s the situation... I’m 14 years old, I’m studying well, I don’t have any bad grades. I haven’t gotten into any criminal cases, I don’t go out until nightfall, on the contrary, I devote all my time to my favorite hobby (tennis). But here's the thing. There is one boy, he studies in a parallel class (I’m in “A”, he’s in “B”), so we have the same lessons and we sit roughly next to him, sometimes together. I even like him, and I think that he is also interested in communicating with me, we often laugh, show funny pictures from the Internet, we discuss everyone, etc. There are many topics for conversation. And everything seemed to be going well, I never observed anything bad about him, but here... I’m scared to talk about it. When I was walking home from training (we were detained and it was already almost 9), it was dark outside, and I was alone, it wasn’t far to walk, about 25 minutes. And then I saw him, I smiled, I thought, at least there will be company, it won’t be so scary. And then horror happens... He takes me by the hand and drags me to 5-story buildings where there are no people. I didn’t understand this at first, but then he told me to be silent and wait. He wasn’t rude, but... He pressed me against the wall and lifted my leg (mine) onto his thigh, tried to kiss me, but I didn’t really understand, because I was stunned. He just literally dug into me. He tried to take off my pants, made strange movements, said something. I cried, and he seemed to fall behind, he just left and told me to keep quiet. I haven’t told anyone anything yet, I’m very scared! What was it, why? At the end he was embarrassed, very much, but why didn’t he explain anything? What's wrong with him? Is he sick (mentally)? Once I communicate with him, how can I deal with this? I will be very grateful to you.

9 answers

Yesterday I walked around the city with my friends. We drank alcoholic drinks, but I didn't drink. We met a teacher who called our class. She threatened to tell our parents. I do not know what to do. It's terrible. I just brought alcohol.

4 answers

I'm 18 years old, virgin. I have been dating a guy for several months, he is a couple of years older than me. I let him grope me, but he's already hinting at something more. And I kind of understand him. And I myself am not against a new step in our relationship. But now I feel some kind of embarrassment or fear, but it’s not fear that he will leave me, because I trust him and love him (he loves me too). It's just fear of the first time. I’m afraid that something will go wrong, I’m afraid of pain, but I don’t know what else I’m afraid of. How to stop being afraid and shy?

4 answers

I have the following situation: I’m going to a friend’s girl’s birthday party, I go into a shopping center (there’s a cafe there), I walked a couple of steps, some woman comes up to me and presents something like “Well, she’s impudent, she stole it, and also show it at people are not ashamed." I was dumbfounded, I stood there, I didn’t know what to say, and this young lady snatched the bag from my hands, well, I think it was a robbery, and she turned it over and gave it to me, and indignantly: “Why can’t I say your bag at all? The thief is a minor!” And he leaves, I’m completely shocked, the bag is definitely mine, I ordered it from Ali, I checked, nothing was missing, I don’t understand anything. Well, okay, I think, and then some guy comes along with this young lady, apparently a security guard, telling her to tell her mother’s number and go far away from here (I’m 15 years old, by the way) I naturally didn’t give the number, I ran to the exit only when the girl returned home I called that I couldn’t come, I’ll give the gift later, I’m afraid now that someone will tell my mother about this. What should I do?

3 answers

This year I moved to evening school. No one except family knows about this. This added problems: fear of exposure, and terrible shame. I moved there because I understood that I couldn’t handle a normal school. And besides, my only friend left for college, so there’s also the fear of loneliness. I missed the first week of school and came to a rather well-formed group. I felt out of place, sitting alone in the entire row. They approached me, tried to make friends, I also tried, but I don’t know how to conduct a dialogue, to interest the interlocutor.
The class is good, better than the previous one, the teachers too, I even began to understand something, began to communicate with one girl, everything is relatively good.
On last week I was sick, missed 6 days (3 school days), and went to school tomorrow. I don't know why, but I'm afraid. There may be condemnation, but it seems to me that this is nonsense. Four months have already passed, and I’m still tormented: what if someone finds out about where I study? How do I go to university? Relatives, and even parents, had high hopes for me. The first ones still do, they don’t know, they think, well, the girl will apply for a grant... Of course.
In general, maybe anyone who can will help. Thank you for your attention.

P.S. Perhaps someone had a question: couldn’t they go to college? This is not an option, a separate issue.

All our fears lie in our imagination, because the world is the way we imagine it. As practice has shown, women are more susceptible to fears, because they are more emotional than men. Women are often afraid to be alone at home; they feel like someone is trying to open the front door or looking in through the window. Left alone in the room, they begin to experience discomfort, gradually turning into panic. If fear takes over light form, it is easy to cope with it on your own, but sometimes the case can be critical, which is life-threatening and requires the intervention of a specialist.

Trouble has come - close the gate

To start fighting fear, you first need to understand its origin. Psychologists have identified two main types of fear of being alone at home:

• autophobia – fear of loneliness;
• topophobia – fear of indoor spaces.

Let's take a closer look at these concepts.

AUTOPHOBIA- a very common mental disorder. A person suffering from it is terrified of being left alone. It is advisable to treat this disease with early stages, otherwise there is a danger that a person will commit suicide, unable to cope with fear. According to statistics, it is among autophobes that there is a high percentage of suicides.

The main cause of this phobia is the fear of abandonment. This comes from childhood. Trying to stop the child’s hysteria, the parent declares: “if you don’t stop, I will leave you and go away.” This phrase can leave an indelible mark on a child’s psyche. And in adult life a person develops a phobia of loneliness, a fear of being abandoned. Less commonly, the following factors can cause fear: a painful breakup, where your partner blames you for the breakup, or death loved one when the bitterness of loss already clouds the mind.

It is impossible to give an exact list of reasons for the fear of being alone at home, but let’s try to identify the main ones:

Lack of attention in infancy. The mother had little contact with the child and did not approach him for a long time when he was crying. How less for a child devotes time to early childhood, those more likely formation of a phobia of being alone.

Education of personal qualities. The child is left to his own devices. Adults don't pay attention to him psychological state and development.

Alone with myself. The child was often threatened with abandonment (left somewhere, given to an uncle, sent to a boarding school); they were locked alone in a dark room as punishment for wrongdoing.

Bad Company. Lack of attention in the family, the child tries to get it outside, often ending up in a bad environment.

Difficulties of adolescence. Without receiving the necessary moral support and love from their parents during the transition period, children are traumatized for life.

Family issue. Growing up, a person is afraid of not having time to start a family and a child for some reason, and is horrified at the thought of being completely late with this issue.

Misplaced gullibility. Fearing being left alone, a person quickly becomes attached to unreliable people who can take advantage of his gullibility for their own benefit.

Fear of losing a spouse. A person is horrified by the death or betrayal of a close friend, loved one or spouse. Self-esteem problem. Such a problem can cause a lack of contact with others and, as a result, dooms a person to forced loneliness.

Love is gone. A serious breakup, betrayal, deception in a past relationship leaves its mark on a person, forcing him to show distrust to all persons of the opposite sex.

Memory notebook. The hardest thing to forget is the negative events in your life. At the most inopportune moments, our memory likes to throw up memories of fiascos we have experienced, of the mental discomfort of being alone.

Career boom. The desire of today's people to build a career and self-realization leaves practically no space or time for any kind of relationship. This automatically condemns a person to loneliness and forms phobias.

We should not forget that this is by no means full list, after all, how many people there are, so many problems. And in some cases, it is generally impossible to accurately determine the cause of the fear of being alone at home. After all, when a person is left at home alone, he remains there along with all his traumas and problems - you cannot run away from yourself. And not everyone is able to cope with them and overcome them without outside help. If you do not provide such a person with timely help, his own home may seem like hell for him.

Symptoms and manifestations of fear of loneliness

Often such a disorder is almost impossible to determine; from the outside, such behavior may seem quite characteristic of specific person. But there are still signs by which you can try to identify the disease.

TOPOPHOBIA– this fear is diverse. With this disorder, a person is afraid not of loneliness itself, but specifically of the types of premises in which he is located. People suffering from topophobia are afraid of a certain type of them - dressing rooms, cellars, pantries, boiler rooms, bathrooms. In the advanced phase, a person is afraid of absolutely any premises, even his own home.

The reasons for such fears are more banal than in the previous version. And most likely, the roots go back to childhood. Parents could practice this type of punishment, such as leaving the child alone in a dark room, in a corner; some even put their knees on buckwheat, peas or corn (for more serious offenses). There is an option that, being at home alone, the child could be afraid of something - a sound, a shadow, someone’s voices. There are a lot of options.

More rare, but still possible, are cases where a child could be left alone during natural disaster(flood, hurricane, earthquake). Here the fear that there is nowhere to wait for help is triggered.

After such experiences, a person, being alone in a room, constantly experiences discomfort, developing into hysteria and panic.

Chest to embrasure

Any ailment can be treated. All fears can be overcome, and the sooner this is done, the better. There are several options for dealing with it: contact a specialist and undergo a course of treatment, or take measures that will minimize the fear of staying at home alone.

Here are some tips based on psychotherapeutic approaches:

1. At the first manifestations of a phobia, a person needs to realize that it is not always possible to constantly communicate with people. Loneliness is normal.
2. In order not to feel the full weight of this phenomenon, you just need to find something to do - work, a hobby or doing household chores.
3. A visit to a psychologist will help cope with anxiety and prevent it from developing into a more complex disease.
4. You need to find some time for yourself in your life to break out of your daily routine. You can spend it in different ways: go to a store or cafe, meet with friends, visit your family. In addition, this will additionally distract a person from gloomy thoughts about loneliness.

Precautions you can take yourself to improve your well-being:

Trust the instincts of animals. It is believed that animals such as dogs and cats can detect danger in advance due to their keen sense of hearing and smell. Start pet, in the company of him it will not be so lonely and scary.

Find refuge in a city or village. Find out which zone will make you feel calmer and safer. Each person is individual: some are more comfortable in a noisy metropolis, while others are more comfortable in a guarded suburb.

Take action right away. If fear is associated with otherworldly forces, place the amulets in different places your home. Keep a metal object near your bed: our ancestors believed that metal wards off ghosts. It is believed that scissors under the pillow will get rid of nightmares. Another example is to direct your thoughts to the place that seems to you to be the safest. You can also imagine the places you dream of visiting. These simple methods will help you relax and relieve tension. Well, the simplest solution is to install technical means security guards such as cameras and alarms.

Stay on the same floor. If you have big house on several floors, it’s easier to stay on one of them, which is most comfortable for you. When alone, try to minimize the use of stairs and avoid dark corners. Find places in the house where you are not afraid to be alone. One of these places can be the kitchen, cooking is always a distraction and you have a lot of self-defense items at hand. Alternatively, the same frying pan or rolling pin.

Keep yourself busy. To avoid being scared by yourself, find something to do - knitting, embroidery, sewing, any handmade craft that can captivate and distract you. Play your favorite music and read interesting book, the plot of which will interest you and distract you from negative thoughts and panic. You can also watch a good comedy or another interesting film, the only thing is don’t watch horror films, they will only make the situation worse.

It's easier to prevent than to cure. If something frightens you, do not rush to panic and give free rein to your imagination, you need to educate yourself. Go and check the source of the fear. Most likely, it will turn out to be something quite ordinary - the rustling of leaves, the rustling of a bag, the creaking of wood. If the fear persists, methodically check that all windows and doors in the house are closed. Knowing that everything is closed and no one has gotten inside will bring relief.

Conclusion

To get rid of phobias, fear of loneliness, anxiety of being alone at home, you first need to work on yourself. Enjoy simple things, dream more, look for positivity and radiate positive emotions.

If the disorder was detected on late stage, the intervention of psychiatrists and long-term drug treatment will be required. But, if the disease is detected in time, only unpleasant memories will remain from the disease, and even those will be erased from memory over time. This will not only protect your family and your health, but will also protect you from a mortal threat.

The irrational fear of loneliness, which psychologists call autophobia, is characterized by many manifestations of panic attacks and anxiety. Fear arises when a person is left “alone” with his thoughts. In addition, a fear of being alone at home may develop.

Autophobia - fear of being alone in the house

Autophobia is a common disease. Most people don't even realize they have this problem. Therefore, it is important to understand how fear manifests itself and how to resist it.

Features of autophobia

It's called autophobia mental disorder, in which the patient develops a fear of being left alone with his thoughts. The phobia manifests itself in moments of loneliness, when, under certain circumstances, a person is left alone at home, at work, etc. Often the patient experiences a feeling of anxiety or panic even when the thought of being alone arises.

Despite clear signs, it is very difficult for a person suffering from it to independently identify autophobia. Those susceptible to this fear try in any way to constantly “stay in touch” with relatives, friends and colleagues. By meeting in person or talking on the phone, a person avoids the appearance of thoughts that cause fear.

This phobia should not be underestimated. According to psychologists, panic attacks can become so severe that the patient may even have thoughts of suicide. Therefore, it is important to learn how to deal with a phobia alone or with the help of specialists.

Main causes of autophobia

The fear of being alone at home appears in early childhood. The most common reason is a traumatic situation experienced when parents locked the child alone in an apartment or room. In addition, being at home alone can be difficult due to simple educational threats from the mother or father. Even the phrase “I’ll lock you in your room now!” thrown at a child for disobedience! may cause fear.

Experts say that to identify exact reason Autophobia in a patient is very difficult. Childhood experiences are hidden in the subconscious, and sometimes it is impossible to identify them. Fear may arise in childhood or adolescence due to the following factors:

• lack of attention to the child from his parents;
• frequent threats by the mother or father to “leave” the child somewhere alone;
• first failures in love;
• constant employment of loved ones (they do not find time to communicate).

Fear of loneliness can also develop due to the personal qualities of the patient. People with low self-esteem or excessive gullibility are more likely to experience autophobia. The cause of a phobia may be fear for the health and life of loved ones.

Autophobia can develop due to loneliness in childhood

How to identify your fear of being alone at home

Signs of autophobia may include different character. Often the symptoms of fear are so subtle that they are difficult to identify even for a psychotherapist. According to statistics, autophobia is diagnosed more often in women.

But experts associate such statistics with the fact that men tend to “hide” their experiences from others. There is only one conclusion: the stronger sex faces such a phobia no less often than women.

A phobia can manifest itself in the form of physical symptoms: trembling in the body, increased temperature or increased heart rate. The appearance of such signs is not excluded, but they occur less frequently than behavioral and psychological symptoms. Autophobia can be identified by signs such as:

1. Feeling anxious about little things. Fear may appear when the patient is forced to be alone at home, or due to the distance of close people, their inaccessibility (the phone is turned off).
2. Lack of self-confidence. The patient constantly seeks help from others. Their presence next to a person is enough.
3. Attempts to “hold” a loved one during moments of separation.
4. Illogicality in actions. The patient can buy uncomfortable housing closer to his own loved ones, marry an unloved person, etc.

Based on such factors, it is difficult to identify the presence of autophobia in a person. Advice from psychologists: you need to help yourself by drawing up your own “psychological portrait.” Most often, individuals suffering from autophobia easily succumb to the influence of others and strive to attract the attention of others by any means. They are irresponsible and dependent, jealous and have difficulties in their own realization.

The feeling of anxiety in a patient can be caused by a switched off phone of a loved one

How to deal with the fear of being alone at home

Therapy for autophobia can be based both on the use of antidepressants and psychostimulants, and on psychological influence. Medicinally removed brightly pronounced signs. Psychological impact It also helps to overcome fear itself. Experts advise patients:

1. Learn to correctly perceive your loneliness. You don't need to do anything. The main thing is to understand that being alone is natural and normal.
2. Get a pet that makes you sick needed by the cat, dog or other animal. You don't need to do anything special. Help your pet, and he will help you brighten up your loneliness.
3. Spend more time for yourself and your loved ones.

Help yourself. If it is difficult to cope with fear on your own, you can always turn to a psychologist. Autophobia, with the right therapeutic approach, can be cured in a few sessions.

Conclusion

The fear of being alone in an apartment often arises in early childhood. Its signs are physical, behavioral and psychological. It is important to cope with your own fears, because its manifestations can lead to the fact that the fear of loneliness will cause thoughts of suicide.

According to WHO statistics, about 7% of people of different ages have any phobias, some of them are afraid to stay at home alone. Psychologists advise such people not to let their imagination run wild, but to stop fear at the beginning. For example, if you hear an alarming sound, don’t be too lazy to see what it is. Or check the locks and alarms before going to bed so as not to be afraid that thieves will break into the house. It is also not recommended to watch scary programs and thrillers, and avoid conversations on “slippery” topics.

If panic attacks occur, you should consult a doctor and undergo an examination. Often such symptoms mean vascular pathologies, dystonia, impaired heart rate or problems with vision and hearing. If everything is fine with somatics, then the reason may be neurosis or psychosis.

Such features of the subconscious as irrational fears have been preserved with us since ancient times. They stem from ignorance of the world order. Man has always been frightened by many things that were inexplicable at that time (darkness at night, lightning, thunder, illness, etc.). According to one of the existing theories, these primitive phobias lie dormant in the subconscious for a certain time and wake up when a person is weakened by an illness, is very frightened, or experiences fatigue or stress.

It's important not to let anxiety get the better of you. Fears are useful because they are designed to protect us from dangers. They are a reflection of our nature. You just need to know how to work with them.

The best is its disclosure. This is done like this: you can walk around the apartment to make sure there are no people, turn on the lights and music, imitate ease and fun, or talk with an imaginary interlocutor.

Very relaxing breathing exercises: Inhale deeply and exhale through your nose three times, while inhaling, inflate your stomach without raising your chest and shoulders. After every three inhalations and exhalations, you should change your body position. This will help you relax. To avoid feeling lonely and helpless, you can walk around the apartment and talk to someone on the phone.

How to overcome the fear of being alone at home: advice from psychologists

Cozy atmosphere, light walls and bright light when all corners remain illuminated, they give a feeling of peace and security. Also, people who have experienced it advise leaving the TV or radio on to create the illusion of the presence of others.

Get a pet

Some people believe that animals, such as dogs and cats, will immediately sense danger if there is a strangers. They have excellent hearing and sense of smell, thanks to which they can warn the owner. In addition, the presence of “smaller brothers” will brighten up loneliness and give a feeling of security.

Use protection methods

Precautionary measures should be taken at the first feeling of discomfort. Even if the actions make little sense, but they calm you down, you need to take them. So, some people put scissors under their pillow to protect themselves from dark forces. In England, scissors under the pillow are believed to get rid of difficult dreams. People who are far from superstitious simply check that the door locks and windows are closed at night. A feeling of security can be given by installing alarms and sensor lights.

Find something fun to do

Many people, when they are left alone at home, use their free time to engage in creativity. In general, any household activity (washing, ironing, cooking) will distract you from anxious thoughts. To relieve tension and avoid a panic attack, you can turn on dynamic music. Reading books and watching movies is also a great way to relieve fear.

There are others effective methods fight against panic attacks, for example, meditation:

What to do if you are afraid of being alone at home?

Psychologists suggest effective technique working with panic attacks. It includes 4 steps:

1. We prevent the situation from getting worse. We take precautions: we go around the apartment, verify the origin extraneous sounds etc. We perform manipulations that help you feel safe.
2. Let's specify the fear (find out what exactly you are afraid of).
3. We work with fear outside of a frightening situation.
4. Letting go of fear during an anxiety attack.

If your loved ones are not yet aware of what is happening to you, then you need to tell them about it and ask them to always let you know if they plan to be late, to call when they are late. This will help keep your imagination from running wild if someone is unexpectedly late and will allow you to maintain your composure.

"Watching a movie" method

In order to completely overcome your phobia, you need to understand what exactly you are really afraid of. A simple technique for concretizing fear is to watch an imaginary movie. To do this, you need to sit down in a calm atmosphere, close your eyes and imagine that you are left at home alone, and your relatives are delayed. Then you need to allow yourself to watch the imaginary film to the end and see how events develop. Imagine the worst case scenario. This will be your main fear.

Sometimes people don’t process the situation to the end in their imagination, so they don’t realize what exactly scares them. They become afraid to go that far, so they avoid frightening thoughts and “hide” from them. But in order to overcome a phobia, you need to find the strength and courage to “look it in the face.” The simplest solution is to scroll through the imaginary situation to the end.

Usually, there are only two negative outcomes:

1. Something terrible will happen to relatives outside the house.
2. Something terrible will happen to you in their absence.

These situations require different psychological approach. But there are exercises that will be useful in both cases, for example, the “Drawing of Fear” or “Helping a Friend” technique. Hypnotherapist

Psychologist's answer.

Hello Nastya!

Just don't panic, okay?
First of all, run to the doctor! It is necessary to do an MRI of the brain, an ultrasound and a cardiogram. You definitely need to consult.
It happens that such symptoms are not neurosis-like or psychosis-like behavior at all. This could be some kind of dysfunction of the cerebral vessels, tachycardia, dystonia, etc. Up to problems with vision and hearing!
In short, checking your health is always a necessary thing!
At your tender age, this often happens.
When you and I are convinced that we are healthy, we will work with our fears!
Secondly!
Fears can be rational, that is, justified, and irrational, which seem to be unfounded!
In your case, it seems that this is precisely an irrational fear.
Such little things of our subconscious come from our very distant ancestors, from their ignorance of the world, their inability to explain to themselves many now familiar things (night, thunder, old age, etc.)
There is a theory that all these primitive, global fears lie dormant in our heads. They wake up in those moments when we are weak, sick, stressed, tense, tired or suddenly situationally afraid of something!
And the main thing here is this! No need to be afraid of fears! Let them be, because they are the reflection of our wonderful instinct of self-preservation, our need for security. We need them. They are part of our nature.
You just need to learn to behave correctly. We must learn to work with fear!
The most the best remedy fighting fear - exposing it! He must be exposed every time! This can be done in different ways:
- walk around the apartment with someone and make sure that no one else is there,
- turn on the lights everywhere and turn on music;
- start speaking loudly, commenting on your actions;
- start laughing loudly, even if it’s not funny! That is, imitate laughter, excitement, gaiety.
You are doing the right thing by talking out loud! It's relaxing.
And relaxation is very important! And you need to learn to breathe in those cases when fear overwhelms you! Literally take three deep breaths in and out through your nose, but so that your stomach swells as you inhale! The shoulders should not rise, nor should the chest. Only the belly! Three inhalations and exhalations, and change the position (sit down), inhale and exhale again and change the position again... This will help.
Everything else (relationships with friends and peers, studies, work, etc. We’ll leave it for the next letter!
By the way! Nice welcome- if you talk on the phone while you walk around your entire apartment! That is, so that you don’t feel helpless!
There are many more ways to help cope with panic.
But now the main thing is the doctor and breathing!
Everything will be fine. Calmer and braver. Write.