Resentment in adults: causes and overcoming. System-vector psychology

To be offended or not to be offended - we always have such a seemingly simple choice. Unfortunately, we are often not the best option.

Resentment is a negatively colored emotion that, if abused, turns our life into hell. We begin to replay in our memory the situation or the words that caused the offense we received. This feeling comes to us because of quarrels and indifference, jealousy and envy. Resentments make us feel pain, anger, rage, sadness, hatred, bitterness, disappointment, desire for revenge, grief. One... But!

Friends, I repeat - this is only our choice! If we get offended, we get into a bad mood, deprive ourselves of health, and attract negative events to ourselves. The more often we do this, the greater the destructive consequences of this feeling. If you choose not to be offended, you will make your life happier and more harmonious. How to stop being offended and learn not to be offended at all, getting rid of this negative feeling, will be discussed in this article.

Think about it: is it nice to know that we are not the creators of our own happiness, but only play the role of dogs on a leash, and the people around us yank us on these leashes at will? Is it pleasant for us to realize that our mood depends on someone else, but certainly not on us? Hardly. In fact, this is a real addiction. And our choice is freedom! After all, you can easily get rid of the leash (the habit of being offended) that society has hung on us. All you need is desire and a little awareness.

In this article we will find out how to stop being offended by getting rid of this bad habit forever. And at the same time we will free ourselves from old grievances. Well, for now, dear readers SIZOZHA, with your permission, I will continue to exaggerate and describe the destruction that touchiness, especially increased sensitivity, brings to us.

So, What does it mean to be offended? This means following your base feelings, including your habitual reaction to bad behavior other people. Even the simplest single-celled organisms have a similar reaction, which always react the same way to a stimulus. But we are people, which means we have much more room for maneuver in our behavior. Understand, friends, being offended is not something that is not allowed, no. This is simply not a logical action - after all, by being offended, we thereby harm ourselves, burning our soul and health, and also attracting negativity into our lives.

But with admirable persistence, we continue to habitually take offense at our loved ones and ordinary acquaintances, at relatives and friends, at our fate and the whole world. We diligently cultivate our touchiness, cherish it and cherish it. Completely forgetting that...

… resentment - this is solely our own choice . Although, unfortunately, most often unconscious. This is a harmful stereotype that seems to have grown into most of us. We are offended - we are offended, we are offended - we are offended. And everything repeats itself in a circle throughout our lives. But this is wrong! That's why this article appeared, from which we learn how to stop being offended. Useful practical recommendations are written below, but in the meantime, please be a little patient, friends. After all, we need to clearly identify the enemy with whom we will fight and will definitely win. First you need to carefully study his habits in order to then strike the decisive blow. Fatality! (c) Mortal Kombat. So let's continue to explore insidious resentment. After all, our goal is to dance on her grave, and we are slowly but indomitably approaching the achievement of this good goal.

Resentment in the soul and heart

Experiencing resentment depresses us greatly. The worst thing is that a person can carry a grudge throughout his entire life. Old and deep grievances that we cannot forget do not allow us to live calmly and happily. After all, instead of enjoying every moment of this delightful life, we begin to replay in our heads long-past events, we diligently restore and construct dialogues with our offender. Our body returns again and again to that state where we are almost shaking, although outwardly this may not manifest itself in any way. Why mock yourself like that? All this is only because we cannot get rid of the resentment in our soul, the resentment in our heart. We cannot let go, forgive, forget. So this disgusting feeling of resentment undermines us, imperceptibly destroying our lives.

By the way, it should be noted that chronic, total resentment towards the whole world and the people around us individually is the first sign that something has not worked out in our lives. For example, we chose the wrong profession: we dreamed of creativity, but we work as a manager in an office. Or we were unable to build happy family relationships: we once made a mistake in our choice and now all we can do is feel sorry for ourselves, so offended and insulted. As a result, we live in the past and do not allow the present into ourselves, which, perhaps, is very kind and positive.

The worst thing here is that by constantly being offended, receiving new grievances and remembering old ones, we turn into collectors. Collectors of grievances. You can collect grievances throughout your life, and, as true collectors, we never want to part with a single copy. Resentments accumulate, and we savor each of them with “pleasure”. We do not let them fade into oblivion, because grievances have long become a part of us. And that’s why it’s so difficult to admit to ourselves that we’ve already spent too much time on our touchiness. It is much easier to continue to live in the illusion of being right and the injustice of this world.

Old grievances are like non-healing wounds which we ourselves scratch and make bleed. Instead of forgiving the offense or even completely getting rid of the habit of being offended, we stubbornly torment ourselves, causing pain and suffering. Damn it, what kind of masochism is this?

“But the truth is behind us!” - we tell ourselves, which is why we feel offended and insulted. This is how we justify ourselves. We feel almost universal injustice. How dare they do this to us?! Alas, even if they really treated us badly, we only finish ourselves off with our resentment. To be offended means to revel in pity for oneself, unjustly offended.

There are always plenty of reasons for resentment. We have the ability to choose what we pay attention to in this life. With our thoughts and our choices we attract to ourselves what we receive. If a person shows increased sensitivity, then rest assured that there will definitely be reasons to be offended. And the worst thing that can happen is that the resentment can become part of this person forever.

Yes, they say that time heals grievances. Most often this is true, but there is one thing. Resentment that is regularly fed can remain in the heart and soul forever, poisoning our lives. Hidden resentment simply eats us up from the inside, which is why the colors of life fade, and more and more reasons to be offended appear again and again. But this is not what life was given to us for! And, if we were honest with ourselves, we would never wish such a fate on ourselves. Friends, it's not too late to change everything. There is an exit!

How to stop being offended?

Friends, below you will read 8 reasons why you shouldn't be offended . Please try to understand and feel each point separately. We need to remember this and put it into practice every time resentment begins to boil within us. Under no circumstances should you scold yourself if you fall into the trap of resentment again. Everything will happen gradually, everything has its time. But be sure to praise yourself when you succeed. It’s so nice to see that our actions and mood gain independence. It's nice to know that you and only you are the captain of your ship. So over time bad habit the habit of being offended will disappear by itself. As they say, “a holy place is never empty,” and this means that in our lives there will be many more miracles and joy that will come instead of useless resentment. And that is great! Ready?

1) Nobody owes us anything. You just need to understand and accept one simple thing - no one in this world is obliged to conform to our ideas. No one is obliged to act towards us as we think is right. Just think: do we fulfill everyone else's expectations without exception? Most likely, this does not always happen or does not happen at all, and this is completely natural. Our life is our life. First of all, we are interested in solving our problems, and only after that - in helping other people. Therefore, we should not be offended by other people, because they also do not owe us anything.

2) Remember and appreciate only the good. To stop being offended, you should always remember positive traits the character of our offender. After all, there is something beautiful in every person. Often we concentrate on one annoying offense of this person, but do not take into account all the good things that he did for us earlier. That is, we take goodness for granted, but when we are offended, we often make mountains out of molehills, forgetting about everything else (the good). In principle, this is natural: human body so arranged that negative emotions hurt us more than positive ones. Perhaps this is due to survival in primitive times, when fear and anger spurred ancient people to survive. But that time has long passed. Therefore, friends, stop being offended, because offense destroys us and, moreover, it is completely meaningless.

And please, never forget that you quickly get used to good things. If a person treats us well, this does not mean that this will always be the case. And this does not mean that other people should also treat us well. It is optimal to take all good things not for granted, but as a gift. And rejoice at such gifts with all your heart.

“Forget insults, but never forget kindness” © Confucius

3) No one is eternal. The person we are offended by today may not be there tomorrow. As a rule, only in such sad situations do we finally realize how petty and absurd our grievances were. For example, you should never be offended by fathers and mothers, grandparents. Because then it will be very difficult for us to forgive ourselves when these loved ones suddenly pass away. Only then do we suddenly clearly realize how boundless and crystal clear the care emanated from them. Even if they went too far at times, even if they did a lot of things wrong, but all this was out of great love for us. Please, friends, don't let this happen. Live here and now, appreciate currently- then there is no time left for grievances!

4) Accept responsibility for everything that happens to us. For everything that happens in our lives is the result of our own choice. Nothing is in vain! For example, a person who is trying to offend us may be sent to us so that we can learn something. And our other potential offender may reveal his true appearance, for which we should also be grateful.

By the way, it is useful to follow the simple motto of smart people: “ Smart people They don’t get offended, they draw conclusions.” For example, your friend who missed an appointment and didn’t even call back could have done this for several reasons. Firstly, something could have happened to her. Secondly, circumstances may have developed in such a way that she did not have the opportunity to warn you. Thirdly, maybe she is simply indifferent to you. In none of these three cases is there any point in being offended. And in the latter case, you should draw a conclusion and rid yourself of such relationships.

8) Resentment attracts negative events into our lives. Friends, you know about the saying that like attracts like? By dwelling on our grievances, we allow negativity into our lives. Events happen to us that provoke us to continue to experience negative feelings and emotions. And if we give in, we will get bogged down even deeper in this swamp. The feeling of resentment we experience serves as a kind of target for all sorts of misfortunes and misfortunes. The more resentment in the soul, the more likely that our lives will be painted in black tones. And vice versa, the more positive our inner world is, the more happiness we encounter in the external world. Stop being offended, friends. The time has come to move towards your goal, towards your dream, towards your happiness, and resentment, you understand, is not our help here.

How to forgive an insult?

The main thing in the forgiveness technique proposed below is a sincere desire to get rid of resentment, forgive and free yourself. Don’t just mechanically perform the exercise, but do it consciously, so that in the end your soul becomes light and joyful. So that the heavy load can be lifted from our shoulders and we can breathe full breasts without any worries or regrets. Let's get started! Here is the setting for our subconscious:

I forgive you (insert the name of the person we are offended by) for the fact that you...

I forgive myself for being...

Forgive me (insert the name of the person we are offended by) for...

The meaning of this technique for forgiving grievances is as follows. Why forgive the offender is clear and without explanation. We need to forgive ourselves and ask for forgiveness from our offender (mentally) because the world is a mirror reflection of our inner. It is necessary to realize that we ourselves attracted a bad situation into our lives, and the offender only reacted to our thoughts, state, and fears. When we take responsibility for everything that happens to us, we simply don’t want to be offended by anyone. The more clearly we begin to understand how and why we were offended, the easier it becomes for us to forgive the offender. By the way, we need to forgive ourselves for the simple reason that when we take offense at ourselves, we experience a feeling of guilt, which means we attract punishment into our lives. Which leads to the repetition of negative situations when we are intentionally or accidentally offended.

It is optimal to perform forgiveness of grievances before going to bed; during the night our subconscious will do all the work, and we will not even notice it. We won’t notice the work, but we will notice the result. The resentment will become much weaker or go away altogether. If grievances remain, then they should be repeated. You can also perform the proposed technique during the day, the main thing is not to get hung up on it, but to understand that everything will go smoothly and easily. We only need to give instructions to our subconscious, everything else is not our concern.

Friends, after one or several uses of this simple technique, you yourself will notice that the offense is forgiven and our lives become calmer. You will completely naturally and without any violence against yourself stop thinking about it: the offense that previously seemed so important will no longer cause any response. Thus, the question “how to forgive an offense?” from now on, from now on, will not stand in front of you. And this makes it so good and calm!

Of course, this technique is not for everyone. After all, we need to have the strength to admit that everything we receive, including insults, is our choice. We ourselves are responsible for this, directly or indirectly. If we find the strength to pacify our pride and sense of self-importance, then the rest is a matter of technique.

CONCLUSION

“They carry water for the offended” (c) Russian people

Dear readers of SZOZH, in this article I set myself the task of showing you the meaninglessness of insults and resentment. Resentment not only does not solve the problem, but is also harmful for many reasons, which we have discussed in detail today.

I hope, guys, that if you ever decide to take offense, you will definitely remember our advice. And you will right choice! And we will be incredibly happy if the moment comes when you, without prevarication, can say with complete confidence: “I never take offense!” And even if you are offended (after all, none of us are perfect), then you can easily forgive the offense thanks to the technique of forgiveness and you will live happily and without any sadness. After all, learning not to be offended is a very useful skill that significantly improves the quality of our lives.

I would like to complete the article about grievances and methods of dealing with them with the words of Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh, better known as Osho. Are you offended? Then print out this text, go to the mirror and read loudly, with expression and a serious look:

“I am such an important turkey that I cannot allow anyone to act according to their nature if I don’t like it. I am such an important turkey that if someone said or acted differently than I expected, I will punish him with my resentment. Oh, let him see how important this is - my offense, let him receive it as punishment for his “misdemeanor”. After all, I am a very, very important turkey! I don't value my life. I don’t value my life so much that I don’t mind wasting her precious time on being offended. I will give up a moment of joy, a moment of happiness, a minute of playfulness; I would rather give this moment to my resentment. And I don’t care that these frequent minutes turn into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, weeks into months, and months into years. I don’t mind spending years of my life in resentment - after all, I don’t value my life. I don't know how to look at myself from the outside. I'm very vulnerable. I am so vulnerable that I am forced to protect my territory and respond with resentment to everyone who offends it. I will hang a sign on my forehead that says: angry dog“, and let only someone try not to notice her! I am so poor that I cannot find in myself a drop of generosity to forgive, a drop of self-irony to laugh, a drop of generosity not to notice, a drop of wisdom not to get caught, a drop of love to accept. After all, I am a very, very important turkey!” © Osho

Please write comments and share this information with your friends. See you again soon on the pages of SZOZH!

Resentment is an understandable and natural human emotion. We all sometimes get offended by someone or offend ourselves. Many relationships are destroyed due to resentment, many human destinies are broken by this very feeling.
Resentment is aggression that hurts not so much the offender, but the one who was offended. After all, unspoken, unforgiven resentment eats away at the soul and can even cause harm to health.
According to psychologists, the ability to be offended appears in a person in childhood and accompanies us throughout our lives. At the same time, resentment - normal emotion. It appears when something unpleasant happens to us. When life doesn't go as planned. If we are not prepared for an unexpected turn of events and do not know how to cope with an undesirable situation, then resentment arises - defensive reaction psyche for unforeseen difficulties.

Why is it difficult to offend some people and easy to offend others?

The main causes of grievances and why a person is touchy

What is resentment and how does it happen?

Consequences of frequent grievances

How to cope with resentment and stop being offended

1. First, you must understand that often your offender has no idea that someone is offended by him, that he hurt someone. If you realize this, you will also understand that there is no point in being offended by a person who will never know about it. And if you want to clarify the situation, then you will have to tell him about your negative feelings. In the end, your resentment will pass one way or another.
2. Chinese sages They believe that resentment eats us from the inside, and a person who cannot forgive someone lives in constant stress and destroys his soul. So is it worth holding a grudge against someone, causing harm first of all to yourself? Try it and you will immediately feel relief.
3. Try to take something useful for yourself out of an unpleasant situation. If a person offended you, it means that he touched your sore spot, told the truth in your face (after all, very often we are offended by the unpleasant truth). Try to understand why what was said hurt you so much, admit at least to yourself that there is some truth in the words of the offender, and thank him for saying unpleasant things to your face and not spreading rumors behind your back. This alone is worthy of respect, not offense.
4. Always try to understand a person before getting offended by him. Perhaps he did it unconsciously, he simply behaves this way in principle. If a person is aggressive or rude, perhaps it is not you at all, but some of his life circumstances: maybe he is having problems at work or in personal life. Taking out your irritation on others, of course, is not good, but, alas, not everyone can resist this. So in such a case, it is better for the readers of MirSovetov not to be offended by the rude person, but to try to help him or at least show sympathy.
5. If I offended you stranger, with whom you will never meet again, you should not keep a grudge to yourself. Just forget about her, because nothing connects you with this person. If the offense was caused by a close friend or relative, then you cannot do without a frank conversation. But you need to start such a conversation only when you have cooled down and put your emotions in order.
6. Very often people are offended that another person did not live up to their expectations. Understand that no one can read the thoughts of others, and if you want a person to act in a certain way, you need to ask him about it, and not wait until he himself guesses about your desire, and then be offended if this does not happen.
7. If you can’t forget the offense, and all the persuasion that being offended is pointless and stupid does not help, then you should use the NLP technique. It usually works flawlessly. Take a piece of paper, write on it the name of the person you are offended by, and express everything that hurts you. Then re-read your list and burn it, imagining how your resentment and aggression burn along with the sheet.
8. You can also take a piece of paper and write on it: “I forgive my friend, mother, father, etc. for the insults they inflicted on me (list all the insults).” Write this 70 times daily for 30 days, and gradually you will feel your resentment go away.
9. Take a pillow or punching bag and imagine that it is your abuser. Express everything that is on your soul, hit or shout - in general, give vent to your resentment and aggression. Do this until you feel relief.

Touchiness as a character trait occurs in many people. An individual sometimes does not realize how negative his thoughts are. In most cases, we manage to maintain the appearance of normal relationships with others. At the same time, touchiness does not go away, but continues to live in the soul, preventing you from enjoying communication with loved ones. Awareness of the need to work on oneself usually comes when a person understands the reasons for what is happening and can analyze his own behavior.

Causes of touchiness

To understand the causes of touchiness, you need to have a certain tendency to reflect. You need to understand what really worries you and why this feeling keeps coming back. There is no point in trying to change yourself before a true understanding of the situation has come. Among the most common causes of touchiness are the following.

Unmet needs

If an individual does not get the opportunity to realize some of his needs, then the habit of being offended can become a kind of way to isolate himself from the unsightly reality. Thus, the person tries to “save” his inner world from destruction. A clear cause of resentment is unmet needs. Most often, such claims are made against parents, spouses or friends who at one time did not understand, did not support or offended in some way. A person is designed in such a way that he needs to feel the support of others in everything. Only then does an incentive appear to do something and achieve significant success. Only very few people are able to live for themselves and not experience a feeling of uselessness.

Negative experience

Unpleasant life events certainly leave an imprint on the perception of reality. Available negative experience can make a person gloomy, withdrawn, unsociable. Touchiness in this case will reflect a certain degree of mistrust and how much the person is psychologically traumatized. There are cases that require working with for years, constantly overcoming the feeling of one’s own hopelessness, defenselessness and despair. If an individual finds certain resources within himself and knows what he will have to work on in the future, the task being performed is greatly simplified.

Desire to control everything

Another reason for touchiness is often the need for excessive self-control. It seems to a person that if he has a lot of information, he will be able to protect himself from negative consequences. Actually this is not true. Touchiness interferes with living, making plans, learning to build trusting relationships with others. The individual becomes so focused on his own experiences that he stops noticing what is happening around him. He only tries to avoid unpleasant consequences for himself. And this is clearly not enough for a happy attitude.

Diffidence

Such a problem as self-doubt often becomes the cause of touchiness. A person does not realize that the origins of difficulties lie within himself and often blames others for his own failures and defeats. If a person does not have an understanding of individual value, then no one in the world can convince him otherwise. Self-doubt greatly prevents you from enjoying life. Most often, a person withdraws into himself and soon stops making any attempts to successfully resolve the situation. Touchiness here often acts as a way to attract attention to oneself, in hidden form talk about the feelings you experienced. If a person does not start working on himself, then he ends up completely focusing only on the negative aspects of his own life. Of course, such an approach cannot lead to a positive result.

Fear of irrelevance

Often, touchiness develops in a person when certain fears and phobias are present. If an individual is constantly overwhelmed by thoughts about his own uselessness, then it becomes very difficult to live. The whole world is perceived in black, and as a result you don’t want to make any effort. Resentment arises as a response to a feeling of one’s own internal inferiority. Sometimes existing phobias are precisely what prevent people from beginning to realize the need for change. Numerous fears about self can form a psychological barrier that prevents understanding oneself and the people around them.

How to deal with resentment?

Having understood the reasons for the development of touchiness, you need to understand how to proceed. It is impossible to constantly poison your life and at the same time complain about fate. It is useless to try to blame others for your troubles. The most in an effective way is, of course, effective work above oneself. How to get rid of the habit of being offended? Let's take a closer look.

Awareness of your strengths

This needs to be done as early as possible to prevent the development of self-doubt. Awareness of your own strengths will significantly increase your self-esteem and stop focusing on existing shortcomings. You definitely need to learn to value yourself. Otherwise, no one will ever be able to appreciate us. When a person is offended, he thereby isolates himself from interaction with others. He does not allow anyone to get closer to himself, does not reveal his own resources. Touchiness will begin to pass if a person comes to realize his uniqueness. You must be able to notice existing advantages and proudly demonstrate them to the world. If a person does not love and accept himself, then it will be difficult for him to interact with others. In any case, awareness of your strengths helps you overcome significant obstacles and work on yourself. The more time a person devotes to his development, the better.

Achievements and victories

How to deal with resentment? You must try to celebrate your successes. This is important for developing a positive outlook on the future, building trusting and honest relationships with many people. If it seems to you that they are not there, you need to take a closer look at your own personality, begin to notice the new opportunities that life is so rich in. Each individual achievement must be appreciated in order to be fulfilled positive energy. Many people, unfortunately, do not know how to appreciate their own personality. They feel like they are not good enough for certain things. As a result, touchiness destroys their lives and forces them to perceive themselves from a position of imaginary inferiority. Only when people begin to work on themselves do they discover a large reserve of moral and physical strength, which previously could have been wasted.

Open relationship

It is very important to be able to build full-fledged relationships with people based on trust, gratitude, and respect. Only in this case there will soon be no room left for excessive touchiness. An individual will be able to be natural, show his true feelings, without fear of getting a negative experience, or hearing harsh criticism addressed to him. Open relationships provide an opportunity to develop, make plans for the future, and look forward with optimism and faith. It is necessary to learn not to demand something from other people, but to try to become stronger yourself, to cultivate your organization. Being sincere with oneself and others is a real art, sometimes requiring great diligence and considerable dedication. Usually, the more moral strength one puts in, the more satisfactory the result is.

Believe in yourself

Many people, for one reason or another, refuse to achieve their dreams. Most often, their thoughts and actions are driven by the fear of making the wrong decision or finding themselves in a difficult situation. They simply don’t understand how much they are robbing themselves and depriving them of the pleasure of achieving their goals. Believing in yourself helps you overcome any negativity associated with the perception of your own personality. Then the individual has additional strength to make plans and live in accordance with his inner beliefs. Believing in yourself helps you cope with numerous failures and doubts. By overcoming ourselves, we begin to understand that we can achieve almost any goal, no matter how big and significant they may seem to us. It is important to move forward and not stop at obstacles.

Work on character

So that grievances do not interfere with life, you need to be able to free yourself from them in time. It is best to simply try not to accumulate them. If negative emotions do arise, you need to work through them and let them go as soon as possible. Working on character is a long and painstaking process that requires great emotional concentration. You need to take responsibility for your own destiny. It may take a long time before a person is able to realize the wrongness of his own behavior and draw certain conclusions. Often this requires developing new patterns of behavior that will differ from previous attitudes and beliefs.

Thus, touchiness can greatly darken life. In this case, a person limits himself in joy and becomes fixated on failures. To overcome this character trait in yourself, you must constantly work on yourself and strive for self-development. The more we pay attention to our own personality, the more opportunities open up to us. If you cannot solve the problem yourself, you can seek help from the Irakli Pozharisky Psychology Center. Working with a specialist will help you overcome life’s problems, place the right emphasis and feel happy.

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Depression

We have known resentment since childhood. Some are more offended, others less. And how many relationships, families, and what can I say, destinies she destroyed. It is scary because it eats a person from the inside.

Hence arise serious illnesses, physical and psychological. Therefore, you need to be able to forgive.

What is resentment?

Resentment in psychology is the response of an offended person to an act of another person that is unacceptable to her. It causes a feeling of hostility, you can get rid of it, the main thing is that it does not develop into constant resentment.

Some people do not hold grudges within themselves; they take out bad emotions on others. Others, on the contrary, close themselves off and carry them deep inside, not showing them to anyone. They smile despite adversity. But this is fraught with dire consequences.

Typically this leads to deep depression. Again, if this concerns a single offense, the matter is not so bad, but systematic offense is already a big problem. This is what the psychology of resentment talks about.

What is this emotion characterized by?

It carries powerful destructive force. This deteriorates health and relationships.

The main components of resentment:

• Severe mental pain. Arises in response to unfair treatment of an individual.
• Feeling of betrayal. Offended man says he never expected this.
• The perception of the unfair actions of another individual in relation to the offender, based purely on the results of one’s own observation and analysis. That is, his pay for the same work is higher than mine, or his parents love his younger brother more, etc.
• A long-term experience, and for some subjects it can stick forever.
• May cause rupture of strong family relations. If this is a childish resentment that remains unaddressed within the child, then it can subsequently result in a deep interpersonal conflict with parents.
• The ability to remain deep in the soul. Often a person is unable to admit that he is offended, which makes him even more unhappy.
• A feeling that the situation is irreparable.
• Blocking of consciousness. An offended person is not able to give an objective assessment of what is happening.
• May provoke a state of passion.

It is clear from everything that resentment is very serious consequences. This is a loss of meaning in life, apathy and even suicidal thoughts.

But it is worth noting that you can only be offended by a loved one or loved one. A stranger can only insult.

People get offended in different ways

Before we begin discussing this issue, it is necessary to understand why it is very easy to offend some people and difficult to offend others. The point is that everyone gets offended differently. Some have many pronounced vulnerabilities, others have fewer and are hidden. It often happens that you can offend unconsciously, touching a nerve. It may seem that the person is very touchy, but in reality this is not the case.

Causes of grievances

There are three main sources:

1. Conscious manipulation. This is a deliberate airing of resentment in order to get what you want, as well as to cause guilt in another.
2. Inability to forgive. This is an unconscious manipulation that is the cause of most grievances. A person does not understand what and why he was offended, but he knows how to make amends for someone else.
3. Frustrated expectations. Everything is simple here. Let's say a woman wants an expensive gift, but gets a teddy bear, or when you count on the help of close friends, but there is none.

More often people with disabilities are offended by people who are in a state of stress, quarrels, depression, as well as those who love and feel sorry for themselves.

So, what is resentment in psychology? This is a monstrous feeling of annoyance that arises from sudden human actions. That is why the phrase is often heard that this could not be expected from him. But if you learn to recognize people right away, then there will be no room for resentment. After all, when a certain situation happens, the actions you expect take place, you won’t be offended.

We figured out what resentment is in psychology. How to get rid of it? Read more about it.

Resentment in psychology: how to get rid of it

These tips will help you overcome unpleasant feelings.

You need to learn to react adequately to any unforeseen negative situation, to use your reason, and not be guided only by emotions.

It is necessary to find the root of the resentment. People often wonder why they did this to them, but they should ask another question, why irritability arises so quickly. It is necessary to deal with your emotions and engage in self-improvement.

You can’t hide behind carelessness and joy. Because by deceiving others, you drive resentment deep into the subconscious. What causes depression and poor emotional state.

There is no need to be afraid to talk about your feelings. Share your experiences. This will help you rethink the past situation, get rid of resentment, and possibly prevent the occurrence of unpleasant moments.

You can’t fit people into one frame, setting high expectations, because everyone is completely different, with individual character and perception. You don't have to be treated well and loved by everyone. You can't please everyone. By learning this truth, many hurtful situations can be avoided.

If there is a deliberate attempt to offend you, there is no need to show a reaction. And next time the person will not do this.

You cannot accumulate this feeling in yourself, otherwise, when resentment goes beyond the edges, quarrels, scandals and even separations begin. All nuances must be resolved as they arise.

You need to be able to forgive and let go of people from your life who constantly and intentionally offend you.

Do some self-reflection. The reason may be hidden behind your fatigue and irritation, overexertion, or old emotional wounds.

If it is difficult to cope with this problem on your own, it would be right to turn to a specialist for help.

It is clear from everything that it is possible to overcome resentment, the main thing is to use your mind and act quickly.

There is another good one practical method, which will help get rid of resentment. It's very simple. You need to take a pen and a piece of paper and write a letter of appeal to the offender. You should not restrain yourself in your statements, because no one will read it. Afterwards, you need to be alone in silence with yourself, rethink the situation, it will immediately become easier. Putting negative emotions out on paper is a great way to release anger.

Psychology: resentment towards everyone

As a rule, it appears in tandem with a feeling of guilt. Some are offended by something, others, experiencing remorse, trying to please everyone, try to correct a past mistake.

Before we move on to discussing the offenses of men (in psychology), let’s figure out why people are offended.

They fall into three main categories:

• people living in the past;
• overly emotional;
• vindictive.

People who live in the past run the risk of developing a complex from a long-standing resentment. Let’s say a man who harbored a grudge against one woman in his youth will experience a similar feeling towards others throughout his life.

People of the second type are able to embellish the situation and exaggerate the offense. And the most difficult thing is that it is almost impossible to convince such a person that the problem is far-fetched.

Grudge-bearers are terrible because they hatch and try to implement a plan of revenge for a long time.

Thus, we smoothly moved on to the next question.

Psychology of male grievances

Representatives of the stronger sex find it difficult to admit their own weaknesses. Therefore, they do not give direct answers to questions, avoid them in every possible way, or speak evasively.

The ability to disguise offense well makes it possible. But men are offended.

Let's look at the reasons:

1. Manner of speaking. Excessive straightforwardness and harshness can not only offend, but even push people away.
2. You must always remain correct. In anger and process, you should not touch a man’s sore spot. For example, if he is worried about a low salary, you should not reproach him for this. There is no need to criticize his masculinity.
3. Men, as a rule, do not talk about the lack of love and affection. And perhaps the offense is a manipulation to attract attention. You need to engage in self-analysis to avoid such a situation.
4. The person can be very emotional and impulsive. Perceive everything acutely, obsessing over trifles. In this case, you need to understand that with age, they need to be accepted as such.
5. Inflated self-esteem can cause resentment. When parents early childhood they praised their son, extolled him to the skies, and then the wife expresses her dissatisfaction, the husband will not tolerate this. He does not understand this attitude and is not used to it.

You need to understand that men are straightforward. They either tell the truth or simply remain silent. After unflattering statements, he may withdraw into himself. But this will not indicate resentment. Thus, he moves away and calms down, reflects, after which he comes up and apologizes.

The situation is much more complicated with children’s grievances against their parents.

Children's grievances

Until the age of five, they are offended by any parental prohibition. At this stage, kids believe that everything was created for them and belongs only to them. As the child grows up, he will begin to understand that he is not alone in the world, and there will be much less resentment.

From five to twelve years conscious. And their wishes must be listened to, because this can become a source of deep problems and misunderstandings.

Childhood resentment (in psychology it is considered so) entails anger, rage, desire for revenge, and disappointment. This is difficult to deal with, so various psychological problems which can affect the child's entire life.

They must be taught to forgive in early childhood to avoid big problems in adulthood.

How to help your child cope with resentment

Resentment and forgiveness of parents by children in psychology is vital important question. The main thing that adults should know is that you cannot ignore your child’s grievances. If your baby is asking for another toy, you should not leave, ignoring his cry. You need to explain why you can't buy it.

When a child withdraws into himself, this is an alarm signal. He must be brought out of this state by any means. Take a walk, watch a cartoon together, and then be sure to return to this situation and figure out what caused it.

Everything needs to be discussed with the child. It is impossible to keep silent and simply punish. We need to break the system: resentment - anger - desire for revenge.

In addition to resentment, forgiveness in psychology is no less significant moment. Forgiveness is the most important thing parents can teach a child. Any methods are suitable for this: reading books, watching cartoons, singing, dancing. The main thing is that the child does not accumulate negative emotions. He may not be able to fully forgive his offender, but if there is no desire for revenge, this is already half the success. There is a lot of beauty in life, and it needs to be shown and emphasized.

But resentment (in psychology it is considered so) is not always a bad feeling. It helps you look at yourself from the outside. See those character traits that need improvement. After all, resentment can arise due to chronic fatigue, persecution, is an invitation to change and relaxation.

How to forgive an insult

We understood the concept of resentment in psychology, learned how negatively and destructively it affects a person. After all, an offended person cannot function normally and simply enjoy life.

But it’s not enough to understand what resentment is in psychology. How to deal with this? A frequently asked question that we will try to answer.

Here are psychologists' tips on how to forgive an offense.

You need to calm down and soberly assess the situation, imagine what life will be like if you continue to be offended. This is the psychology of people - grievances have a crushing force.

It is worth analyzing in writing what led to this situation. What offended you, what sore spots did your opponent press on, because in this way he pointed to yours weak sides.

You need to start with words of forgiveness. Repeat the phrase “I free myself from resentment” many times and it will really become easier. The worst offense (in psychology it is considered so) is against a mother who interferes with building her own happy family. It is important to understand that she gave you life and forgive her.

Fight resentment with a sense of humor. The ability to laugh at yourself will help you endure troubles easier.

To overcome resentment, you can find the following advice in psychology: people often offend others unconsciously, perhaps this is your case. No identical people, everyone perceives what is done and said in their own way. But in order to clarify the situation, you can bring the offender into conversation and set all the accents, find out his intentions and speak out yourself.

Every person is capable of forgiving an offense. If you let it go, it becomes much easier. This difficult process, at first it will be difficult, but then it will become automatic.

Resentment and self-defense (in psychology it is considered so) are closely related. Resentment is a certain degree of self-defense, thanks to which the offended person calls to himself Special attention, a feeling of compassion, pity, thereby showing one’s “I”.

This psychological reaction a person whose goal is to influence an opponent. It arises due to the fact that the expected does not coincide with reality.

Components of Resentment

How are grievances and expectations related in psychology? To understand this issue, you need to consider three components:

1. Construction of the expected result. A person mentally pictures the outcome of an upcoming event. But, unfortunately, it does not always coincide with what is desired. People are different, with their own worldview. All problems have one source - the inability to speak. Instead of silently waiting for the implementation of the plan according to your own scenario, it is better to talk with the person, find out his wishes and find out about his upcoming actions. And if there is love and respect, this act will not feel like manipulation.
2. Observation. You need to not just watch, you need to think about your expectations, perceive the behavior of another person, evaluate and criticize.
3. Comparing expectations with reality. You won't always get what you want in the end. That's why resentment arises. The more inconsistencies there are, the stronger it will be. You cannot impose your point of view on a stranger; he has the right to do as he wants. It is necessary to make it a rule that you need to rely only on yourself. If expectations are not met, solve the problem by talking about it.

There is no need to cause offense, they need to be warned. And it’s better, of course, not at all; it’s difficult, but quite possible.

Even this feeling has its positive sides

The benefits are as follows:

1. Our weaknesses are revealed. You need to get to the root of the resentment.
2. In the event of a breakup, resentment acts as a pain reliever. Self-pity, anger and rage help you quickly free yourself from memories, give you the strength to move forward and leave everything in the past.
3. Resentment allows you to throw out bad emotions. Sometimes clarifying relationships is even useful.

And one more interesting fact. More often than not, people who are offended are because they got what they wanted. Because of this, they have developed two shortcomings: the belief that everyone around them owes them, and the inability to work.

Therefore, resentment must be eradicated from early childhood. Get rid of it in a timely manner, because it can cause physical and psychological diseases.